Jea-lousy
 

What do you think of people who tell you things to MAKE you jealous and then, when you're jealous, they say, "Oh, well. Try not to think about it..."-???

Like this: "Oh, here's a pic of me and this young woman who helps my mom out around the house. Mom tries to fix me up with her!" and you are his girlfriend? I mean, you THOUGHT you were his girlfriend? And he's done shite like this before? Do I overreact? Or, is he jerking me around?

1) he's insecure
2) he's a dick
3) he's testing the waters for a 3-way



Take your pick. But it's probably not good. imo.

He's probably a little insecure with some amount of cluelessness thrown in. But comes off looking like a jerk. You should let him know you didn't appreciate it, but don't blow it up into a big thing.

Trying to puff up his desirability with the "competition" factor, IE touting his "other options" . . . ? (textbook insecurity)

See, I think that is a large part of it. He already KNOWS I adore him. Plus, I think he's being 30% insecure jerk. maybe 50% insecure jerk. My gut says so. but, like i said, I adore him! why does he DO this? what's that song...carly simon: Why'd you tell me this? Were you lookin for my reaction...that one.

Is this the Gooey Nerd of Love, here? If so, the fact your yourself identify him as a nerd may have a lot to do with this. Nerds typically don't have much experience with dealing with women who aren't their mothers.

He could just be hopelessly, but attractively, inept.

In my (limited) experience, some people use jealousy as a gauge of how much you care for them.

Havent you ever known a girl that uses every trick in the book to try and make her SO jealous, then gets all pissy when that person doesnt react at all?

Sounds like he's trying to convince you that he's alot more desirable than he thinks?? He doesnt get that you dont need convincing :)

I stopped dating them in high school.
WRONG QUESTION. Why do YOU do this?

(a little self esteem goes a long way)

Hmmm this is a hard one for me, I accidently make my boyfriend jealous all the time. I have a lot of guy friends. Perhaps it was an accident for him too...
I mention guys who hit on me, and the different things my guys say to me, to my boyfriend and its not to make him jealous or show that I have other options...I'm just telling him about my day, life, ect. There is really no reason to get jealous anyway, you either trust him around the opposite sex and if you don't you drop him. BTW he knows that the most wonderful thing anyone has ever said to me, after his "I love you", was when my HS friend Kyle told me,"You look gorgeous when you cry" I had had a bad day and that cheered me up.

Tell him to stop fooling around. You are his gf, he should not do that to you. Playing around with your feelings and all.

I have to disagree with you here, you can talk about these things differently. My wife and I have opposite-gender friends that we each go out with to events, lunch, etc. We can talk about it while skipping over details that would make the other uncomfortable, or presenting things in a non-threatening way.

As usual , the mad American jargon chills my bones .

Brianna , I tend not to mix with servant girls who help around the house .

And therefore I would never have a photo of a servant girl in my hand .

Mr. Darcy!? Is that you!?

You ladies need a boyfriend who gets a kick out of it when guys flirt with you :p . You also need to trust the person you are involved with, or you probably shouldn't be with them.

If I ever suspect that my boyfriend is being less than honest about his ladyfriends or that he is cheating, I will walk away. Someone like that is not worth my time and energy.

On the other hand, it does help a great deal to hear comments like, 'oh she doesn't hold a candle to YOU, my love' rather than 'man she's hawt, I could see myself doing the horizontal tango with her'. Remarks like the latter are intended to keep you off balance and insecure. I have no use for someone who plays with my emotions like that.

Stormie

A slightly different perspective here: My husband and I cheer for each other's flirtedness. He might tell me "There's this new girl at work" and I might respond "Is she cute? Did you talk to her yet?" Or I might go to the gas station and come back and tell him about the cute boy I flirted with there. We both trust each other and have made it a rule not to get jealous. I know he isn't going to fall for the hot chick at work. He knows I am sticking with him, too. It works out because we have a mutual understanding about it. And we like to see each other get attention. It's like reverse jealousy.

He's a jerk. Maybe it makes him feel "good" when he is playing games with you (ie...he is insecure).

I believe you answered your own question.

I beg to differ. You can make someone jealous by accident only once. Then, when you know you've made them jealous, any continuation is based on a decision to do so. When someone does something that bothers me and I tell them about it and ask them not to do it again, I may forgive 1 or 2 more but if they continue to do it they're doing in on purpose and you have to wonder why.

Here's another side to that story, albeit extreme and not, probably what you had in mind.
http://www.thestranger.com/seattle/SavageLove?oid=91051

No one can make you feel anything. You choose how you react to a situation.
Jealousy is based in insecurity, a lack of trust, or both. Whether it is valid or not depends on the situation.

It is never a healthy show of love. It is co-dependent.

Get it out of the relationship ASAP or you will not grow, as an individual or as a couple.

My .02.


Both my wife and I have friends of the opposite gender whom we each do things with separately, bit deal... if someone is going to cheat, they are going to cheat. There is nothing you can do about that, ever.
If you think they are going to, break-up with them or live with it. End of story.

Agreed. Jealousy is a particularly unpleasant self created hell. It is a nice addition to the "I'm a victim" menagerie.

He's only volunteerly admitted to being jealous a couple of times, the other times it took me a while to figure it out and call him on it.
Different things make people jealous tho. I might tell my b/f about how one guy I know from school made me feel better, but that I wish that he had been there to comfort me instead. It might make my boy a bit jealous of the other guy but really poses no threat to him. But when I talk about a certain guy from work he has gotten jealous b/c he feels like I might have a crush on him. My b/f doesn't always tell me when I say something that makes him jealous. Plus it is harder for me to determine what will make him jealous or not, I don't have much experience with jealousy. So it is not an emotion I consider very often. I don't want to hide things from my b/f either, then I feel guilty, and I have hidden a crush I had from him before, not to keep him from getting jealous, but because I didn't want to hurt him or make him mistrusting of me. If I tell him about the guys (and sometimes girls) I hang out with and sometimes flirt with then I feel more comfortable, I'm not hiding anything that can hurt us later. He reasures me that his being jealous is a problem he has to work on, when I tell him a story I reassure him that I have no feelings/desire toward whoever, but him.

Bri-sorry to take away from your own issue, but all I can say is that you need to tell him your feelings on the subject. Be open about being jealous, he may truly have no idea and the only way to make sure is to talk about it.

Again... you cannot "make" anyone anything. It is a choice.
Neither my wife or I, nor few of our peers choose to be jealous.
We trust each other and am happy for each other's friendships, be they ladies or men.
I don't think you should consider it... if he brings it up and it becomes a problem then seek help, IMO.
It should be treated for the illness in a relationship that it is.

Jealousy will kill any relationship quicker than anything else I reckon. People are able to control their jealousy just as they can control their thoughts. If you're with someone and you don't agree with the way they interact with other people, then maybe you're in the wrong relationship...regardless of which one of you actually has the problem.

Everyone has choices. You should make the choice that makes you feel good. I don't think anyone in the right mind likes being jealous.

OH yeah. Right.You tell that to a Starbucks Barrista.

Make me a half caff half skim latte mochachina, with a double shot of some crazy crap mocha booboo neeeneer. neener.

Hey did you hear the one about the Buddhist monk who went up to the hotdog vendor and said:
"Make me one with everything?"

You love that one, you know you do.

You are a New Yorker in Florida. Have you thought of the implications of that?

;)

I'm stealing the SHIT outta' that joke!

NO! I was the Cracker in NY, you are gonna' get on my shit list typin' crap like that.

Funny that post-breakup all those "guy" friends become more than friends. If I've seen it once I've seen it a thousand times. Guy friends is code talk for "guy waiting" or "guy on call" like call waiting. Being jealous of a womens guy friends is reasonable and probably well founded and knowing the game is par for the course.

Most guys know this and are "guy friends" in waiting with other girls, waiting for that rebound action. Most guys try like women to keep every door open, lest they be left out of the loop.

What I have found rather strange though is womens outrage when men confront them about their guy friends and yet go balistic when she see him even talking to another girl. Its ok for girls to have unlimited guy friends but no way for men wanting the same count in women friends.

You know I've tried my damn-nist to befriend women. Unless we where working on the same project or had to deal with each other through work or school there was always, ALWAYS, sexual tension if there was even a shade of physical attraction. Hell even if it was at work or school the same problem occured.

You know, you know, you know it could "happen." Given the right circumstances and situation. I think its just biological. I think everyone of us, being honest with ourselves knows friends of the opposite sex are more likely than not to be future partners and thats the rub. Thats why men and women are suspicious, because they can both hear the biological backround music. Its probably the way you meet your current partner so why shouldn't he/she be jealous when that same senario is being played out with the guy/gal friends.:lovers:

Sounds more like you both need reaffirmation. Both of you display a insecurity about each other and yourselves.

When one of you find the BBD (bigger, better, deal) that’s will be the end of the flirting.

Good lord it sounds like you lead a miserable life.
Everything is not a fucking game.

I have many female friends and have for years. They have insightful and different perspectives on issues than I have. I value their input! Its a wonderful asset to have and they enrich my life a great deal. I have had no desire to sleep with any of them, nor they as far a I know. Even when my wife and I seperated there was no attempt nor suggestion of anything sexual. Once a man can get past his own view of women as nothing more than a sexual object, he can begin to realize they too have other thoughts, emotions and desires aside from those of the flesh. Its amazing to me to think that in this day and age, that there are still men who view women as nothing more than sexual beings. That is so lame.

bmw: you are a sad pathetic person. truly. Most of my "guy friends" I've had since before I ever met my b/f. Some from K-garten even. I have never had any kind of sexual tension, crushes that amounted to nothing, and that was it. I have my guy friends from work and school, and that is mainly where I hang out with them. My boyfriend has the freedom to hang out with other women, and I've encouraged it. He needs to have other friends besides me. I trust him, and he trusts me. That is how it should be. And for some reason I don't doubt that all of the problems you've had befriending women has been your fault.

Isn't that just the sweetest thing, you and your B/F are so together and large minded, you both should start your own "understanding the sexes" course at your community college. Hey, if you say so.

One thing though, you don't know men as well as I do, or maybe you just think you do. Why is it that we are surounded by popular culture that supports my points of view and all you high minded, self-proclaim socially advanced people, and champions of the "world in therory" keep yaking that yak?:rolleyes:

Unless one of you looks likes this
http://www.kickingdonkeyproducts.com/images/Tex.jpg
There will always be sexual tension, thats just our biology.

BM, yet again, when faced with the truth or a "reality" that doesn't fit into your warped view of the world you have nothing to say other than a weak (really weak) insult. No matter how thinly veiled.

Again, are you 5 years old?
You pussy whipped momas-boy.

You keep saying "pussy whipped" like it's a bad thing...:D

ya know what I like about you, bm? Your total dedication to the enlightenment of us all despite all evidence to the contrary!

Also, I like how you are IN NO WAY a woman-hating potential rapist, like those sad fuckers featured on LAW&ORDER: SVU. (actually, I did think I saw you--never mind!)

You, bm, are a pioneer! Don't let any bee-yotch stand in your (nazi-saluting, jack-booted) way!

Heil!

Over the top?

at least he rounds the slice of life we've got going here, like it or not there are more than a few BM's out there

Like you.

To get ot from the misogynist.

Do you thing women create more of the problem than men, playing the "if he's jealous he is showing that he loves me" game? Then again, I guess men do it too... I can only speak from my experience.

I have had more than one get truly angry when I refused to play this sick little game. I would ask them to stop, then ignore it, then leave them.
I do not play games, especially that one. If they want other men, they can have them... but I will not be used as a toy merely to elevate someone's ego.
A relationship is a partnership and friendship, not a contest.

Quote:
Originally Posted by yesman065
BM, yet again, when faced with the truth or a "reality" that doesn't fit into your warped view of the world you have nothing to say other than a weak (really weak) insult. No matter how thinly veiled.

Response:
Originally Posted by BM (pun intended)
Again, are you 5 years old?
You pussy whipped momas-boy.

Need I say more? Oh, OK just for fun - Yeah I'm pussy whipped - in the face, on my c*ck, and anywhere else I/she wants it. Yeah I'm pussy-whipped at least 3x a week and lovin it! Oh, whats that? You can't relate. That right you are an asshole and all you do all day is spew shit. Take it somewhere else. I've lost all patience with you and have no desire to attempt to expand your minute mind. Your ass is so effing tight you could probably shit diamonds if fed coal. If I told you what I really think I'd probably get kicked off here. Oh I like the picture of your GF - the donkey. Guess that tells us a little more about your sexual preference. Then again as you said "birds of a feather. . ." Makes sense - since you are certainly a Jack-ass.

You are so wrong its sad and funny at the same time. Should I laugh or cry?

There used to be sexual tension between me and my guy friends...when I was in high school! But then I grew up...so did they.

I didn't have that sexual tension even in HS...maybe I do look like a donkey.

Could be worse, you could kiss like one

Please "bree" show me all that evidence to the contrary, of even just a couple of crumbs of it. NAZI? Wow, is that your idea of an idea. Are you in between ex-lovers or just finding out your having another bastard kid. Why all the hostility?

You're such an ass, bm.

:crazy:

:bolt:

Shawnee (AKA pisspot,) so, you figure that I can get insulted, accused of falsehoods, and disparaged and when I fire back I'm an ass.

Exactly what calculations of conversations are you making. Does it make me an ass because I just traded you an insult. A trade YOU INSTIGATED.

You little pisspot. You got an issue with me call me out of the topic and save the sandbox crap for the other 5 year olds on this board.:stickpoke

You're not getting any, are you?

I haven't heard that phrase since high school (maybe college,) and the only people that used it were guys who were jealous that their friends would rather spend time with a girl than with them. It was mostly used by losers who wanted to be pussy-whipped themselves but for whatever reason couldn't get themselves in that situation. So instead they would act like they didn't really want to any way. Sour grapes, you know.

I'd rather be having sex with the woman I love than hanging with the guys.

Coz you're a pussy-whipped, pisspot, namby-pamby, mama's boy who makes two year-olds look emotionally mature.

And you can't spell for shit.

BM, bowel movement, I do not think I am anyone's conscience. Whether I am an asset to this or any other board is up to those who read my posts. It is obvious that you and I disagree on virtually every topic - at least those so far discussed. Our opinions (spelled correctly) are diametrically opposed. Unfortunately, after having the "data and research" you quoted destroyed, you no longer have anything other than pathetic little name calling retorts to fall back upon. You have been exposed for the sniveling little weasel you are and thats fine. I have maintained my position and supporting information throughout - even as you have attempted to deflect and deviate from the actual topics.
I have no problem with people whose opinions or beliefs differ from mine - in fact I welcome them. THAT is how one may broaden one's outlook. Unfortunately, as you were repeatedly proven wrong and your sources found to be false - YOU resorted to name calling.
You have, again in my opinion, nothing to add based on your posts that I've read. Perhaps your time would be better spent learning how to spell and write properly using the grammar of the english language.
I hope you have a nice day and if you get a chance, come out of your cave - the sun is shining and you won't fall off - the world really is round.

When bm first posted his tripe I thought he was 15 or 16 years old. Now I know he is ten. Or maybe even nine; but he definitely doesn't have any short hairs yet.

And I'm pretty sure he is in some kind of class for children with 'aggression issues' and he just hates his mean old teacher, Miss Crabapple.

He doesn't hate her - Its even worse - he wants her and knows he can't have her.

wow. hostile in here.

For fun, read this thread from the beginning, all in one sitting. It's like someone randomly threw a hate grenade in the room and ran off.

Noodle you totally crack me up! I just laughed so hard that my boss came into my office and asked "What the hell are you doing in here?"