Sexual history doesn't matter? Who would marry a porn star?
 

Now I know the tough guys and smart mouths will jump on this topic to say something childish and ignorant, but after they get that off there flat chests and school boy snickering lets see some real digging here.

Would you marry and look at a porn star as a future wife and mother of your children?

My point is if you knew what a women’s sexual history is you would definitely consider it in judging them. That’s just being honest. You make your own compromises at that point.

A porn star example is just taking the issue to its extreme, yet is just as insightful to the question. You see, it’s not a difference in KIND, but in DEGREE! It’s about what you could know and what that knowledge would mean to you.

If a women’s sexual history means nothing yet you would never marry a porn star or see them as a prospect for having and raising YOUR children then it’s really a matter of honesty. Your honesty with yourself, and a women’s honesty with you about her life and the choices she has made.

Ignorance maybe bliss but people really don't change. As the old saying goes, the more things change the more things stay the same. What really changes is opportunities. When your young you have greater opportunities than when you get older.

Age is NOT an excuse.

It’s about character.

A former porn star has a questionable employment history.

so your contention....to take it to the extreme, as you did.....is that the only suitable spouse is a virgin?

I'm sorry, but you are beginning seem like a tool

What a waste of time reading this thread. He's not content to pollute other threads with his drivel. Now he's got to start them for himself...TO ARGUE THE SAME POINT!!!

Seems to me the issue was never resloved. Is it your opinion that because you says it is then it so.

I am only apply a different perspective to the question same question posed in a diffent string.

No never said that nor is that the issue.

The issue is a womens sexual history and if men used it to judge women.

Get it?

Maybe you're not aware--there ARE married porn stars, both active and retired.

So why not resolve your point in the other threads? My point is, why start another thread to argue THE SAME POINT?

I would marry a porn star. The main requirement would be that I loved her and she loved me.

The heart wants what it wants.

I sometimes wish my husband was a porn star. I like to watch. ;)

as in, you'd like to watch your husband bang other chicks? hawt

If your husband's attractive, I wish he was too--there are too many ugly guys in porn. :lol:

Sure I'd marry a porn star if it was true love.

And what is the difference between herpes and true love?

Herpes is forever!

lumber...you know how it is. A little voyeurism never hurt anyone. ;) Secret mirrors and stuff. Besides, I know he's devoted to me. To be honest though, I don't think he'd ever want to have sex with another woman, although he might if I asked him to. lol

The thing you seem to be missing, is that the *issue* will never be resolved.

There's nothing to resolve because there is no wrong or right answer...there are just personal opinions and beliefs.

If you are waiting for everyone to come in and go ..."gee bmw, I see where you are coming from, I'm going to make sure I get the full sexual history of my perspective girlfriends/boyfriends from now on and judge them accordingly"....I think you should pack up your bat n ball and call it a day.

I asked the question because my circle of friends are very open minded and we are very like minded. At times I wonder whether we live in our own little world and if we are that far from the *norm* that I have lost touch with the mainstream goings on.

although he might if I asked him to.

Do Ya Think ??

maybe what bothers me the most about your tone is the assumed stance that sex is bad. 'judging women by their (this is the correct usage of the possesive form of the word, btw) sexual history' sounds like you have a preconception that the more sex a person has had, the harder it would be to justify having a relationship with them.

so this means that old porn stars are of inferior character, and if given the chance, they'll what? have an orgie behind your back? i assume someone cheated on you? was she a big whore?

you misspelled deluded.
;)

Perhaps you are underestimating the powers of Aliantha... :cool:

Talking to bm about women is like talking to a Klanner about black people.

Can't help here, my chest hasn't been flat since I was 15. If gender isn't too important I can join in the snickering though.

Sorry folks, got to agree with bmwmcaw there. I am highly unlikely to marry a porn star and let her be the Mother of my children.

Questions for bmwmcaw:

1) Would you marry a drug addict or alcoholic who had no sexual history?

2) Would you marry a virgin with a mental disease such as schizophrenia or bi-polar disorder?

3) Would you marry a woman with a violent past but who had never engaged in sexual activity?

4) Would you marry a member of a cult such as Scientology or Satanism but who had never had sex?


The point of these questions is that I think you are attaching way too much significance to a relatively minor part of what makes up a person. Being a virgin does not guarantee that a woman will be a good mother and wife. Nor does it guarantee that she will not cheat on you. Much more important is that the woman in question is loving, self-respecting as well as respectful of others, self-confident, empathetic, kind and has the same moral values as you do. If you find someone like that, chances are excellent that she will be faithful and raise happy, healthy children.

Stormie

Hmmm - I find it rather interesting that BM has these firm unyielding stances on the issue, yet also an utter refusal to admit what we all think may be the reason behind his "opinion". "someone cheated on you? was she a big whore?" lumberjim

Can't give an honest answer. Never met one!

Odds of me ever meeting one? Zero percent.

The question isn't whether I would marry a porn star, but whether I would be attracted to one in the first place. I wouldn't, personally. I've dated 2 strippers (pardon, DANCErs), and they weren't nearly the well-adjusted free spirits they always want people to think they are. Doesn't mean they aren't valuable as people. But they got issues.

I couldn't be truly intimate with someone who is currently having sex with strangers for money.

I could theoretically be intimate with someone who used to be a porn star, but they would have to be clearly and completely done with that phase of their life.

If I fell for her and we both tested negative, sure, no problem.
Thing is, I don't think porn or sex for fun are immoral, so I'm not the right person to ask your, obviously, loaded question to.

btw, it's clear that bmw has women issues, but the point of view he's expressing isn't nearly as hateful as you're making it out to be. If you act as judgemental as he does, how are you better? There's a lot of anger there, it would be worth the discussion to find out more about it rather than defaulting to snide one-liners and harumphs. Misogyny can be caused by things other than "he's just an asshole".

That wasn't the question.

Read the post.

I'm the opposite. I think porn and sex for fun are not only immoral, but have quite possibly done more damage to individuals' lives and society at large than anything else. Wherever you find a sex crime, you find porn somewhere in the mix. Porn is dehumanizing, and it perpetuates the idea that you can fuck anyone at anytime with no mental, spiritual, or social consequences. Tain't so.


lol taint.

Its about character.

Why is it people seem so ready to disregard a persons character. No matter what your history is, it is part of who YOU are. If you or anyone else looks past it and feel comfortable with it then more power to you.

Your history matters because it is and always will be the best guide to your future. You are what you think and what you think determines what choices you make.

Being a virgin is IRRELAVANT!

People can run but cannot hide from their past. Under stress every human being reverts to their basic personality. All the layers of conditioned responses and masks we wear fall by the wayside. Your social and economic up bringing, your parents education level, the mentors or people you looked too to form the person you are, your self-images and your choices.

That’s why the question is asked in the first place on this string and others. Does sexual history matter and like everything else in life it does.

People on this board have evaded the issue or tried by belittlement of the topic or me, but the facts and the obvious cannot be denied. To do so is at your own peril. The divorce rate and broken families in the country is an indication of the level of denial that we have wittiness and read on this message board. The media glamorizes sex to the point where it seems as cheap and easy as changing underwear. It would seem the marketers of sex have a cadre' of followers on this board.

Sex without love is hollow and vacant. Love without faith, without commitment, without respect, now that’s what leads to meaningless sexual relationships that decay ones soul and denies a future partner that special uniqueness. To abstract sex cheapens everyone. That’s not me saying that; listen to your own heart.

Justify, rationalize, make light of won’t change what you feel in your heart and see in your soul.

I believe the threads were a discussion on the norm. A porn star is not considered the norm by the standards of the initial threads concerning these subjects. I also doubt when these threads were started. The idea of a porn star didn't even come to mind. I would guess that most of the posts people made were based on current relationships and not hypothetical relationships.

Would the average person (however defined) marry a porn star? First they would have to meet the porn star. Then they could take it from there.

As for me. Would I marry a porn star or a hooker? Fuck no! Why? Because they are a porn star or a hooker.

Who is "you"?
However, once you know you are a mysogynist... get it fixed.

Prove it.

Attaching morality to sex is what propagates the problems we have with misogyny in our society.

Porn can be dehuminzing... it can also be celebratory. Just depends on how it is done and/or viewed.

Wherever you find heroin junkies & alcoholics you find cigarettes... they just cause heroin & alcohol addiction!!!

"mysogynist" what a cop-out. Dettaching morality from sex has degraded all men and women.

Why is sex immoral and awful and degrading, but, say, walking on the beach, or a nice hot bath, or a massage, or a great song not immoral? It's all just pleasure and a way to get it. True, sex entails certain things to ensure safety and whatnot, but still, I dont and never will see how sex, in any circumstance, is immoral, EXCEPT in cases of cheating on significant others. Which is a whole different ballpark.

You're suggesting I'm deluded because I honestly believe he wouldn't have sex with someone else?

I guess I must be deluded then. ;) (and it's got nothing to do with 'the powers of Aliantha') lol

not you you. "you" as in "one"

For your analogy accurately reflect mine, it would have to say "Wherever you find heroin junkies, you find people selling drugs." Pornographers sell images of flesh. There's no context, no acknowledgement of the mental and emotional component of sex. This is fuel for rapists and pedos, IMO.

I think it depends how far back you want to go if you want to say sex between willing partners in any form is immoral.

If, as has been suggested, sex is for the purposes of procreation, then who put the caveat of marriage or fidelity on procreation? Society? Maybe...unless you really believe God did it.

Then again, if sex is the communion between two people and it's a magical thing which will bring everlasting memories of love and commitment, then yeah, don't go getting your rocks off just because you find someone attractive to the point that you can't bear to not touch them.

If on the other hand you believe that sex is a physical act which can be interpreted in many different ways, for many different purposes, then go ahead and make your own judgement call about which is for physical pleasure, and which is for spiritual pleasure.

I believe there is a distinction and that they are also interchangeable.

I think bmw has listened to this song too many times:

I made it through the wilderness
Somehow I made it through
Didn't know how lost I was
Until I found you

I was beat, incomplete
I'd been had, I was sad and blue
But you made me feel
Yeah, you made me feel
Shiny and new

Chorus:

Like a virgin
Touched for the very first time
Like a virgin
When your heart beats
Next to mine

Gonna give you all my love, boy
My fear is fading fast
Been saving it all for you
'Cause only love can last

You're so fine and you're mine
Make me strong, yeah you make me bold
Oh your love thawed out
Yeah, your love thawed out
What was scared and cold

(chorus)

Oooh, oooh, oooh

You're so fine and you're mine
I'll be yours 'till the end of time
'Cause you made me feel
Yeah, you made me feel
I've nothing to hide

(chorus)

Like a virgin, ooh, ooh
Like a virgin
Feels so good inside
When you hold me, and your heart beats, and you love me

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
Ooh, baby
Can't you hear my heart beat
For the very first time?

I thought rape was about power and control.

It is Brianna. It's just that men are now comming to accept that they have less power and virtually no control anyway. ;)

I was really trying to stay out of this, but, oh well.

I'm a million years old, and I still have plenty of opportunities. In my age bracket about the only people who don't have a sexual past are nuns or priests or someone who has something deeply emotionally wrong with them.

Any man who expects me to have sat around waiting for him for forty years, singing "Someday my prince will come" has a screw loose.

You seem to believe that sex is inherently immoral unless its between a man and wife. Period. Most of us disagree with that. Why do you keep belaboring the same point over and over again? Much as you might wish it, we are not going back to the age when women wore chastity belts.

No, I probably wouldn't marry some aging porn star, but I seriously doubt if I'd marry you either.

Why don't you go and find yourself some nice girl who thinks like you do, marry her, and move on to the next topic? This one was getting old three threads ago. :right:

jinx: lies, damn lies, and statistics :lol:
Rape is about power and control. Much of porn is, too. With or without official academic backing, I think common sense shows that hardcore porn reinforces a negative view of women, encourages unhealthy impulses in men (the power and control thing), and reduces the act of sex to simply "getting off". If viewing porn reduces the urge to act on sexual impulses, why don't we let pedos have all the kiddie porn they want? We could grandfather in all the porn that's already been produced and use it to rehabilitate molesters.

I realize that most people these days don't see sex as anything major. I also know that kids are becoming sexually active at younger and younger ages, having babies that their own parents must raise, getting abortions and getting diseased. The divorce rate is skyrocketing, with more marriages failing than succeeding. It's become chic to applaud any and all forms of sexuality (there are a few taboos left, but they'll be gone in 20 years) and deride people who cling to the hilarious notion that sex is better between 2 people who are committed to each other for life.

I just don't see that it's making us any happier. We keep searching for something that satisfies us, and it's never enough. We want to see more sex on TV, more sex on the internet, more sex more sex more sex. We have more sex in more places, in more orifices, with as many colors and flavors of partner as we can manage, yet we wonder privately why we never find real love.

Yes, some of you have managed it. Congrats.

We don't let pedo's have kiddie porn because children are not adults, cannot give consent and no one is saying they are not damaged by this exploitation. I don't think we are talking about children or child porn here. As far as kids having sex younger and younger 'these days', every generation thinks the ones before were somehow "better"--I don't think so. Like the Good Old Days That Never Were--yeah, like before Penicillin and ibuprophen and child car seats and Child Labor Laws?

I think everyone should make peace with their own lives and sexuality. Have I made mistakes? Oh, my, yes! Am I sorry for them? Not in the way you'd think--I learned from each.

Obviously I'm not talking about people who use and abuse children or people who hurt (emotionally, physically or spiritually) others. I'm talking about two informed consenting adults.

I know there are factions out there that wish to legislate human sexuality. I also know it will never work. Human beings are human beings and act pretty much the same all throughout history. Not much new under the sun.

Oh, BTW, I, too, believe hard core porn degrades women.

I agree with Bri that there is nothing new under the sun except for better birth control. In the old days, there was stil porn, there were still serial killers with a sexually twisted motivation - think Jack the Ripper or the predator who lured and killed young women during the Chicago Worlds Fair at the turn of the last century (I think the book about him was called The White Death - I'll look it up if anyone cares). People were still coveting their neighbor's wives and husbands and acting out on those desires. Little girls could end up as prostitutes in the big cities or be married off at the age of 12. Lesbians and Gays have been with us since at least Greek and Roman times, and I'm sure they were around for longer than that. I could go on, but you get the idea.

My parents HAD to get married because I was conceived in the age before the pill or easy abortions. They stayed married because divorce was practically a sin up until the late 60's. A more unhappy couple you have never seen.

I think things are better now when people can experiment a little until they find the one who is "right" for them.

And Noodle, if you don't like all the sex on TV, you can always turn to PBS or the History Channel or read Proust and turn off the TV completely.

pornography: a cause or an effect?
 

I believe that pornography is just another symptom of our instincts over-compensating for the artificial behavioral barriers we've constructed.

I don't long for the "good old days" or have a hissy fit if there's a butt on TV. The argument isn't that simplistic. Wondering if the hypersexualization of our society is a bad thing is not the same thing as saying "sex is dirty". I slightly resent having to waste my time explaining that, to be honest.

Lots of things were wrong in society in the 50s. Also the 40s, the 60s, the 90s, and so forth. But one of the things we seem to have lost is respect for our own bodies and those of others. What's wrong with a little mystery? What's wrong with modesty? What about salacious material is so worthy that we feel we must defend it from any criticism? For that matter, what is so unworthy about virginity that we mock it like some kind of mental illness?

I'm not in 6th grade, and I'm not Amish. I can say with some degree of certainty that I've almost seen it all. I'm just not all that impressed. Why is that viewpoint less enlightened somehow?

No offense intended, I assure you. I apologize if I have offended you.

There is NOTHING wrong with a little mystery--I, myself, ADORE mystery and glances and handshakes and little notes. Nothing wrong with modesty, either. I wish more girls at my University would practice a bit of it. Nipples and dicks are all I see. Salacious material is an accepted form of entertainment for adults who know better but still like it. I did say earlier that hardcore porn DOES degrade women. I guess you were too busy being pissed off to notice.

PS-you've not seen it all unless you've been intimate and tried to actually rehabilitate the lowest of the low. Child molesters, addicts of every stripe who sell their babies to
white slavers so they can get another hit. Child abusers...

I, personally, respect Christian attitude...right up till they tell me I'm a bad person 'coz I'm not exactly like them.

H. H. Holmes, in "Devil in the White City". Good book.

It could make an interesting two movies; one about the fair, and the other about him, with odd little cameos connecting them.

This is so easily solved. Look. Make sure she's a virgin so she won't laugh at your willy and will avert her pretty face instead of brazenly LOOKING at you while you're doing the nasty, vile 'deed' and you'll know she's ONLY doing it because it's her 'duty'; I'm sure she's thinking of England--that's how you know you've got a really good specimen and a worthy vessel for your sperm.

Thanks, HM. I knew it had "White" somewhere in the title. It WAS a good book, and it would make a true crime movie that would keep you looking over your shoulder for weeks! :eek:

:eek6:

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My point of view is that it doesn't really matter to me what anyone thinks about my sexual history...it all depends on how I feel about it. Of course, I wouldn't want my husband or future husband or whatever to look down on me because of it, but i'm willing to bet unless he's perfect that he has mistakes, sexually or otherwise in his past that he wouldn't want me to judge either. For me, the past is the past, and unless he has a disease or a kid that i need to deal with because of it, it will remain his past and mine will remain my past...
there's nothing you can do to change the past, so why spend all your time worrying about it?

I see the contradiction in your statements and I hope you do to.

I never implied that sex was immoral unless people where married. However, sex for sex sake is intemperate. It’s irresponsible. It cheapens the intimacy that is supposedly the purpose of sex.
It isn't about adult choice its about honesty. Would you engage in sexual intercourse if it was stated right up front that the episode was pure recreational and the pairing will dissolve immediately afterwards?

I think nobody would honestly say yes given those terms because you cannot abstract sex. The risk of pregnancy and the responsibility that comes with it, no matter how slight, plays in the background of your thoughts. I never met a person that engaged in sex without SOME emotional component, unless they where buying a hooker.

Its that emotional component that seeds the moral question.

Freedom means you are going to be around what others like... sometimes you may not like that. If you don't like freedom, and many cannot handle it, they should move to a dictatorship or theocracy.

Rape is about hatred of the opposite sex and self hate, porn can be a symptom of that because those with these illnesses can use it for that purpose. Just like alcohol can be misused, that does not mean it should be illegal any more than anything else that can be potentially be misused should be made to be illegal (see the owning of the antis in the gun threads and past tobacco threads) anti is anti freedom.

The analogy of cigarettes and heroin and alcoholism with porn and deviant behavior is accurate.

My wife and I have been together for over sixteen years, monogamous, porn is fun and exciting and spicy, nothing more. How you use it is up to the individual.... that is what freedom is about.

In a way I see what you mean. But, since the thread is about sexual "history" then your point is rather irrelevant.

A person may be all about the intimacy and love that makes sex wonderful; but you're saying that their history, which may have included some impetuous fancies of youth, should come into play in current relationships. Following up with that, that person who may have had some (delicious) youthful indiscretion, cannot be honest about it because this new person (who may be fulfilling in every other way) can't handle that truth.

We grow. We grow. We grow. The point isn't "where have you been?" The point is "where are you now?"

I see the contradiction in your statements and I hope you do to. This ought to be productive.

As to whether it is degrading or celebrating the female and/or male form/sexuality depends on who is watching it.

Similarly,
Corrected:
I demand everybody else should honestly say yes thus accepting my principles given those terms because I cannot abstract sex.

Corrected:
The risk of pregnancy and the responsibility that comes with it, no matter how slight, plays in the background of my thoughts because I need some secular basis for demanding a moral position, no matter how flimsy it is.

Corrected:
You people are a bunch of lousy heathen, so I automatically win. The only problem is, I can't stop fantasizing about you.

Of all the posts I've ever read...THAT is the most eloquent.

And, BTW--WTF? Too hot in the kitchen for ya, Noodle?

S'ok. You can always run to Mama.