One Sentence Story
 

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A boy named Billy...

grabbed a gallon jug of Astroglide and headed over to the zoo; he wasn't going to let the dryness and chafing ruin it for him this time.

Using his microsoft(tm) Passport(tm) he paid at the gate and continued though the zoo to..

...the monorail. A monorail ride to Billy was like the most incredible sex one could have.

If only he hadn't spilled the Astroglide on the seat.

Billy cried and went...

to Congressman Condits office for relief.

He wanted "Billy's Law": a federal mandate requiring spill-proof caps on all water-based, non-toxic, unscented, unflavored, non-staining personal lubricants.

Mr. Condit gave careful consideration to his case but, in the end, decided not to introduce legislation - a spill proof lid may complicate any effort to obtain lubrication when it's needed most, and he didn't want to have to deal with another "I chafed her to death and now I'll have to get rid of the body" fiasco.

Billy got angry and took a small...

swallow, as the polyp in his stomach ruptured; though he wasn't immediately aware of it, Billy's body had just crossed a line; the events in his gut would kill him within the next 30 minutes.

Billy decided to take a short nap while,

the hellish concoction in his gut bubbled merrily away. At the same time, in a secret bunker deep beneath the streets of Moscow,

...Jimmy Hoffa was playing cards with Nikita Khruschev.

"Go Fish!" exclaimed the former Teamsters' head.

... which had been separated from his body these many years. ;)

As they played on, the rabble in the next room continued to talk over their conversation about ...

... the durability of a certain group of end zone seats in Giant Stadium which for obvious reasons lacked the requisite amount of re-rod.

Billy, of course, remained blissfully unaware of all this... but he was about to be roused prematurely from his nap by a man named Kilgore Trout.

Trout informed him of a certain Catch-22 in his situation.

, blackmailing him with his membership of Hamas. This forced billy to

...call Yasser Arafat immediately for guidance. Arafat was #2 on his cell phone's speed dial after his mom.

Mrs. Bob Thornton, who wasn't at all pleased with her son's taste in women.

"That Angelina Jolie sure is a skanky ho-beast... kinda like me," Momma Thornton thought as she rubbed her wrinkly flesh with vegetable oil.

...while her brother masturbated in front of her.

But enough of this Lara Croft polygonism, let's raid some tombs tonight.

Perhaps we shall stumble across the evil Toronto Man, who tends to dwell in the cellar, and beat him senseless.

Trout was based in Toronto. Rumor had it that he had a secret base beneath Air Canada Centre.

hailing from Toronto, Kilgore Trout has defined an underground HOUSE sound that we are pleased to present in a rare and intimate environment.

http://www.techno.ca/shrumtribe/html/body_burnt3.htm

with Mrs Bob Thornton

from whom young Billy got the inspiration for his song Smoking in Bed.

Originally titled "Stroking in Bed," he wanted to make it sound radio-friendly.

, though this plan actually backfired on him when, due to a near-blind printer's assistant and woefully undertrained proofreaders, his song was released to the public with the title "Cockring in bed."

Several years later Kilgore Trout, with growing lower abdominal stress...

...channelled his pain and garnered great acclaim with his introduction of an innovative line of elastic undergarments, specifically designed..

...One day he was reading a book and decoded he would go do something else and pick it up again later...