Too Close to Home...Way too Fucking Close
 

Yesterday, Kansas City was stunned by the shooting deaths and wounding of several people at the Ward Parkway Shopping Center by a deranged gunman who, a few minutes earlier, had shot a police officer while escaping from a traffic stop while driving the stolen car of the gunman's murdered next door neighbor. What makes this one different for me is that the gunman was a friend of mine.

David Logsdon was shot dead by Kansas City police officers as he shot over 30 rounds from a carbine rifle in a crowded Target store. The horror and devastation could have been much, much worse without the quick and certain action by these officers.

I now sit here utterly stunned to think that this man could have sunk so far in the two years since I had spoken with him. I cannot say I didn't see signs of his gradual slide into alcoholism and mental illness, primarily triggered by the suicide five years ago of a mutual friend of ours upon whom he had an enormous crush, and the subsequent failure of a love affair with an alcoholic, doomed Southern girl who died of a failed liver mere months after Dave called her family to take her home and get her help.

Dave was once a bastion of the Pagan community in KC. He and another mutual friend had a Pagan-oriented radio program on our local Community radio station. It was while appearing on his show with my longtime partner Lane to play some music and promo a gig that I first met Dave. He later became our sound man for a few gigs, and his friendship/crush with Kim, the suicide I mentioned, brought our own friendship much closer. Selene counseled Dave and his now-deceased alcoholic girlfriend Char before their dysfunction became too great for even her insightful skills to help.

Truly, this is one of those situations where I wonder whether or not I could have been a better friend. Perhaps if he'd had a friendly, sympathetic ear from someone who really knew him and cared about him, he wouldn't have gone over the edge.

I was hoping to see him this Saturday, in fact, as I had emailed him last week inviting him to a party for an out of town friend who is coming to visit, another member of what we once jokingly called "The Pagan Mafia", a backhanded nickname handed to a group of us who had once pissed off a major local Pagan troll and drawn his flames in quantity and viciousness.

Dave won't be attending, and I'll be real surprised if the cops, once they've subpoenaed his email accounts, don't come to see me, asking for an explanation of just what the fuck the Pagan Mafia is.

For those of you who are anti-gun, and who will seize upon this as the perfect example of what is wrong with our gun laws, I'll just say this...Dave was a warrior type of Pagan, an ex MP, cop and security guard. He was never a tree hugger, but I never thought he was a murderer, either. I'm not in favor of disarming the public. I am in favor of people who need help with substance abuse, depression and mental illness getting that help.

Dave's sister (whom I have never met) was on the radio this afternoon, saying that she had tried to get him that help. I don't know why he didn't get it. I wish he had.

Maybe four people would still be alive if he had.

Story here:
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20070430/...ll_shooting_37

Damn, Spode. I woke up to this news on the radio. I'm so sorry.

My heart is just broken...I ache for those whom he murdered, their families, and the wounded and terrorized who had to endure his madness.

I really don't think I'm going to be able to cry enough.

My condolences on such a personal issue for you Elspode.
But you can't blame yourself.

I'm sorry to hear this, Ep. But don't beat yourself up over the what-ifs...it's not worth it.

I know...I don't blame myself at all. I just so desperately wish that this hadn't happened.

Life is unpredictable. Something I'm trying to understand as well.

wow, wow. small world--and a depressing one, far too often.

It's so sad to watch a friend spiral downwards. I've had that experience (though not to that extreme). Please don't blame yourself.

I'm very sad to hear about your closeness to this, Elspode...I'm certain you and Selene gave him as much friendship as was possible.

*Sends loving and healing energy to all concerned*

You were the first person I thought of when I heard the story.

Man, I'm really sorry that happened. Every day is precious as are those around us.

I can't even tell you how many times I've been to that shopping center. I used to live a block away from it when I was in sixth grade, and walked down there all the time. Selene and I still drop in there as there are a couple of stores there that are still somewhat unique.

Too close by half.

damn Splode !!!
sorry to hear about this ,
we have lost a few friends to drugs , allways SAD !!

Much as I hate to say it about Dave, if he was going to end up dead anyway, I wish he would have just blown his own brains out, and left the innocents out of the picture.

I haven't got anything to say other than I'm sorry for your pain. It sounds like there was nothing you could have done to change things.

Mental illness is unpredictable. You can in no way put any of this on yourself Els. You can only do what you can do and no more.

I'm sorry for your loss.

I'll add my condolences and sympathy to those already expressed here, both for you and for the families of the victims.

I am sorry for you loss.

This is the first I've heard of this sad event. 'Spode, Selene, I sorrow for you and your community.

I'm trying to send the healing energy you send to those of us in need. I am so sorry for your loss, and the pain you must feel.

Sorry to hear about this, Els. Hope you and Selene have a chance to give his sister and your mutual friends some comfort in all of it.

My condolences to you and your family & friends, please don't beat yourself up too much over this. :grouphug:

Today was a busy day, with our local Pagan community having to fend off the inevitable characteriztion of my madman murderer friend David Logsdon as a Satanist:

Many of us, myself included, called and emailed KSHB TV throughout the day, insisting that they either retract their story, or at least offer the other side of things, many of those facts presented by people who actually knew Dave. Those efforts paid off later in the day:

The store mentioned in the second article is the venue where I have done the sound gigs in recent months, and the owners are my friends.

As the result of a blog posting I made yesterday on the web site of local Fox affiliate WDAF, I was contacted by one of their reporters and asked to do an interview about Dave. I did that this afternoon, and it was shown at 9:00 tonight. The editing and overall presentation was fair and an accurate representation of what I intended to communicate, including the opportunity to denounce the satanic characterization. I don't know f it will be available online or not.

I find myself in a very strange position...discussing and attempting to illuminate the actions of a madman without giving the impression that I in any way see him as a victim himself, or that there was the slightest good reason for what he did. It is a trecherous line to walk, and not at all desireable as I do not wish to be seen as being media hungry in any way. I am not.

In the end, I mainly want people to understand that Pagan doesn't equal Satanism, and most especially that we all need to love, respect and support each other; we need to be vigilant for the warning signs of mental instability and depression that can lead to tragedies such as this community experienced last Sunday.

I very much appreciate the kind words of support and empathy you folks have expressed. You are my friends. If I start to go crazy, I expect you to tell me so.

Well I for one can't think of a more level headed and articulate person to be doing that interview .

Good for you, Els, that's a pretty solid second article there. I like that they included the "'disgusting' and 'a blatant example of sensationalism'" bit.

I was impressed that they actually printed that as well, good on them. I second zippyts sentiments about you, and hope that the damage done by the ignorance of Dave's old neighbor is minimal. Grrrrr to people shooting their mouths off about things they have no business spouting off about.

Unfortunately, a lot of people still don't understand paganism...probably because it got a bad rap in the Bible. If it isn't Jewish or Christian, people freak out. Look at the rap Islam is getting.

I'm sorry you and your peeps are getting picked on, Ep, but hopefully the follow-up pieces you guys did will at least change some hearts.

Very, very glad you were able to walk the line successfully, Els. :D

Elspode I'm so sorry that this has come right to your doorstep. While I'm sure there are people out there even closer to the situation, I don't know them. I know you and respect you and understand how painful this must be, so it's you and Selene I feel for most keenly. I hope it doesn't hurt more than you can deal with.

Re the Satanism angle - perhaps it's good that the first story was presented? After all I'm sure that the neighbour (through her own ignorance) did believe she had witnessed Satanic rituals. But it has given the pagan community a chance to unite in order to refute the spin, and perhaps given you something to thing about and focus on apart from the horrible waste of life. And perhaps some people out there will understand that Dave's beliefs had nothing to do with his actions and be interested enough to look into paganism themselves.

BTW if you go crazy there's not much hope for the rest of us...

My boss saw the piece last night by accident, because he had been watching American Idol with his girls, and the piece followed directly after. This morning, he complimented me on my deportment, but he was puzzled by the fact that I bothered to correct the perception that a crazed killer was actually a Pagan, and not a Satanist. In retrospect, I understand where he's coming from (why not let people think he's a Satanist, then the Pagans won't get the rap?). Unfortunately, to those who don't get it, Pagan = Satanic, and so the educational process must continue.

As it happens, the FOX 4 website does have the piece that included my interview archived. Look for the subsection labelled "Videos". It is the first one, the one with the thumbnail pic of Dave's face, at the top of the column of video thumbnails.

I really appreciate everything you've all said. BS is now starting to bubble up in the Pagan community between those who have a "fuck the crazy bastard for making Pagans look crazy" outlook, and those of us who knew him before he was a lost cause insane alcoholic.

Even *we* eat our own sometimes. I think that this fact, above all, proves how ordinary and human we truly are.

Good job Man. Did you get that reporter's phone number?
Your boss has a point but it would be a shame to miss an opportunity to school some of the public that there is a difference between pagan and Satanism.

She was a cutie, huh? Her cameragirl looked like a pocketful of fun, too.

When was the last time you saw an unattractive woman doing the TV news ... at any level?

Dawn Timmeney at NBC10...oh wow...that was terrible to wake up to in the morning.

Aha syc, you must be in Philly!

I wish. :)

I actually wrote about my morning news disruption here.

Elspode, I am so sorry for your loss and the trauma you must be experiencing right now. I am sorry I didn't catch this thread sooner.

I also want to mention that before becoming a member of the cellar, I knew nothing of Paganism, Satanism or even libertarianism...not that libertarianism is comparable to a spiritual belief....er....anyway...I'll get to the point. What I have learned about Paganism, I have mostly learned from Elspode. Some of the most solid, thoughtful, beautiful people I have met are Pagans. You belong in that group. Thank you for your participation in the opening up of our society's perception in such a huge way. We need it, badly.

ps: Spode, I still can't believe I haven't met you in person! Did I miss my chance when we lived in Kansas?

pps: I know nothing about Satanism.

Well, I'm still in the KC area, and you're in the land of Coors, so there's always a chance. I keep telling you to come to the Pagan festival over Memorial Day weekend sometime, girl. Oh, and BTW...Libertarianism *is* a spiritual pursuit. Just ask Radar. :D

I think we'd all just be happier if we got to see you more here on The Cellar.

Jesus Christ, Ep...you're such a fucking lech. :)

No, I am fully aware that the lovely case is terribly happily married, and not at all polyamorous. My lust for her is based on her artistic talents and intellect.

And you say "lech" like its a bad thing.

You're not looking mad yet, Els ;) !

:redface:

One of these years I *will* make it to the Pagan festival. And I am sorry I haven't been on the cellar as much. I have been focusing on art pretty heavily and determined to make something of myself.

terribly happily married, yes. Not specifically polyamorous, but not specifically against it. :D

Pffft! Maybe part of the reason. :)

sorry to hear about it. truly. I hope this doesn't become a witch hunt (sorry for the 'joke') but if I know the Kc community they'll be looking for someone or something to blame..

David
 

I knew David as well, though I probably haven't seen in him about a decade. Still, learning about this was shocking. Give how much more recently you were friends with him, I can only imagine how much more difficult it makes it for you.

I'm sorry for your loss, Patrick.

Kriselda

Welcome to the Cellar, thorswitch.:D
Sorry it couldn't be under better circumstances.

Hi, Thorswitch. Your handle and posted name sound kinda familiar. Have we met IRL here in KC?

I got a voicemail from Dave's niece tonight, asking me to call her. She thanked me for what I said on Fox, and said she'd like to talk to me about him a little bit, and that she had a couple of things of his she thought I might like.

I can't imagine how the poor girl must feel, but I'm going to call her tomorrow.

Great...Just Great...
 

It seems that my dead psycho pal had killed before...and none of us knew.

This just keeps getting better and better.

Damn.

I am so sorry, spode. What a horribly disappointing piece of news to discover. :(

I've been asked by David's niece to handle the internment of his ashes. Prior to this new revelation, we were working on a memorial focusing on the man before Ward Parkway and the tragedy of his demise and those he took out on the way down.

Now we're talking about sneaking into the woods under cover of darkness and doing our basic clerical duties as is expected of us as Priests and Priestesses.

Fuck.

At last, perhaps a sense of closure
 

Selene and I met with Dave's niece and her husband last night. Dave's sister (the niece's mother) has decided that she is going to inter his ashes on the grounds of the family home where Dave still lived when he went crazy.

I'm pretty much relieved, to be honest.

Relieved not to be involved because of his fucked up past, recent and distant? Or relieved because your heart isn't into the ceremony you'd be expected to perform?

Relieved because the problem of how to appropriately lay the deceased to rest has been taken out of my hands. I mean, how in hell *do* you hold a ceremony for a killer? With normal folks, you can say all the nice stuff they did and how you'll miss them and such. That doesn't go over so well with a mad dog killer's final sendoff.

Got that. There was a guy at work that was a complete bastard. Wife left him, children wouldn't talk to him, bosses and cow orkers hated him. He couldn't get laid in Bangkok.

Then he died.

About a month later I mentioned he was a bastard when we found something he'd screwed up and tried to make it looked like it was someone else's fault. Everybody's suddenly on my case, because I said what everybody knew and agreed with... until he died.

Well fuck that, dieing doesn't let you off the hook.
I'm glad you weren't put in that position.

Well, here's #2 in the too fucking close to home sweepstakes. At least I didn't know the victim personally. Hopefully I won't know the perp when he's found.

An 18 year old Overland Park girl was kidnapped from a Target store across the state line in Kansas on Saturday. This afternoon, her body was found...in the large park just to the South of my old neighborhood, Park Hills, in Grandview. The apparent exact location where she was discovered is smack dab in the middle of what used to be my teenage stomping grounds, a place where we used to drive our cars across the low water of the Little Blue and go parking, drinking and boinking. The lay of the land is considerably different now since Longview Lake went in, but I have been to this location countless times in my life.

The guy who did this to her is the guy for whom the death penalty exists. Fuck him.

http://www.myfoxkc.com/myfox/pages/N...Y&pageId=3.1.1

And just as quick as I posted this, police announce that they have a suspect in custody.

Do you know Hall?

No, thank the Gods. If he is guilty, I hope they fry him.