I will solve your problems
 

I will tell you how to solve any problem - just ask me.

Here's a free one:

Solving America's healthcare problems.

Americans are obsessed with our health. You have two choices for fixing our healthcare system.

1. Maintain a healthy lifestyle. Eat the right foods, in the right amounts, exercise, and don't have an accident. This will keep you from having to go to the doctor.

2. Get over your obsession, and yourself, and give it up. If you get sick, just get better by yourself or go off in a corner and die.

These solutions will decrease the demand for healthcare, which will lower the cost. Healthcare providers don't want empty appointment blocks, or unused MRI machines, so will lower the cost to create more usage. As a bonus side-effect, allowing yourself to kick off will help with the Medicare and Social Security crisis. If we can drive the average life span down to about 67 years, there won't be that looming tax crisis in the future.

Next?

Here's my current problem: I need to figure out paint colors for my house.

I definitely like colorful schemes, but it's one of those new-fangled "open" floorplans where you can clearly see into one room from the next, so they all have to flow together.

Oh, and I have to have all final color choices made by Monday. Feel free to use the interactive tool for reference. (Click the "Color Smart" link on the right.)

Go with the blue whites. At one end of the "open area" (probably the "kitchen(ish)" end) start with Frosted Juniper. As you travel through the other areas, flow through Cascade White and Waterfall Mist, ending with Clear View in your more formal living room area.

Bah! White, white and white! I must have color. For reference, my current bedroom is "Rejuvenate" and my kitchen is "Blue Willow."

Rejuvenate? That's like having sex in a public institution. Yellows for hotter sex, I mean it's not like you're sleeping there.

the only thing that can solve all of your problems is death.

Do everything in Lavendar Haze.

OD Green is your friend !!!!!

If Pink is the new Black; then, wouldn't Canary Yellow be the new OD Green?

The hottest chick at work hit on me.

#1 I'm WAY below average in the LOOKS/INCOME department. I didn't tell anyone I actually know (outside of the cellar) because it isn't to be believed.

#2 I know her husband, nice guy actually, little too wrapped up in his things to pay attention to the HOT wife.

#3 I'm VERY happily married.

#4 She is smokin hot.

Omniscient Spexx, how do you deal with a temporary void of sex? What is the key to breaking habitual masturbation when you can't get intimate because of time and space?

freshnesschronic, see a doctor before you do something crazy....like stopping.

amen brother... remember if it didn't feel right it wouldn't be.. and kinda helps to um... keep ones head clear...

Why am I constantly attracted to guys that will be no good for me in the long run?

I'm just that god-damned sexy. Sorry about that.

How do you get close with someone over a 60-70 mile distance, when you can only see them once or twice each week?

How do you not look forward to September when that 70 mile distance becomes 3,000? How do you keep this from effecting your behavior?

So my problem is basically this: how do I build a teleporter?

@ Spexxvet

I need a safe, certain means of magnetically containing a deuterium/tritium plasma at one hundred million degrees centigrade. And I need it NOW.

I need an inexpensive, highly efficient fuel cell and an inexpensive, safe means of producing and distributing hydrogen. And I need it NOW.

I need a gravitational particle. And I need it NOW.

I need an inexpensive, readily mass-produced room temperature superconductive material. And I need it NOW.

Well?

Talk to freshnesschronic, he's got that all worked out.

So that means I need to start flipping out and acting all jerky (no offense intended FC)?

We're actually figuring it all out pretty handily. It's a team effort. Now is now; we'll take whatever develops. When September comes we'll deal with that then.

Keep it in your pants. Enjoy that she is attracted to you.

Gee, blue - looks like nobody's helping you out on this one.

Here's what I recommend: Tell her that x years ago you'd have been very interested but having a wife you can barely keep up with makes it all but impossible at this point. x is the number of years you've known your wife + 1.

That way nobody's feelings get hurt and nobody gets insulted.

If you're whacking, you're having no void of sex. If you want sex with someone else, impersonate blue and do his coworker. Or pick up a chick, pay a hooker, find a friend with benefits, or develop a meaningful relationship that includes sex. There are many ways to have sex with someone else - there is no way to stop masturbating.

About the colour scheme thing. Why not try for feature type colours for each room? For example, choose a light shade for all the walls, then a bright colour for one wall of each room area. For example, you could go for blues, or reds, but I've got a feeling you might be a magenta and orange kind of girl. ;) It might sound crap, but the result can be stunning if you split up the different rooms slightly by using free standing screens or situating your furniture appropriately maybe.

For blue, if you're both married, why not just enjoy the flirtation knowing there's really nothing in it?

That doesn't seem to be a problem. You can be attracted to whatever. If you don't want to get involved with guys that will be no good for you in the long run, then.... don't.

Move. Relocate to where the person is. If it's important enough, do it.

I reckon it's because she doesn't value herself highly enough.

Buy a supercomputer, and think real hard.

Do you think so? I would agree if she was attracted to "good guys", but settled for "bad guys". But if she's attracted to "bad guys", I think it might be something else. Maybe a non-conformist streak, or something.

IMHO, she seems to be worth a guy who gives her the best life she could want, but you're right, that doesn't mean she sees herself that way.

How others see us is rarely how we see ourselves. (there's a bit of pop psych for you)

The reason I think what I do is because a lot of what I see of Ducks is what I saw of myself a few yrs ago. I reckon she's getting there though, and besides, those bad boys are a challenge. ;) The only thing we chicks do wrong with them is not employing their adage which is, find 'em, f*ck 'em and flick 'em. IF we could just do that, the world would be our oyster. :)