My parents views on choices.
 

My parents told me that I could to be any thing I wanted to be.

So I became an ASSHOLE!!!:nuke: :fart:

it's surprising how much you can get accomplished in life just by being more obnoxious than the other guy is willing to be

My parents' views on choices:

You can make any choice you want, be whatever you want to be... as long as you make the choices we want you to make.

No shit, that sound so familiar.

I just bought a couple pairs of jeans I really like... they make me feel, well, hot, they make me feel pretty good about how I look, which is rare for me... and now my mom wont let me get any more because theyre 'too tight'.

BULLSHIT. That's rather the POINT, you don't yell at my SISTER for wearing tight clothes - you encourage her to! Why can't I look good too? They look too gay for you or something? Fuck you! I'm getting more when we go back, anyway. Tough shit, I have a job, and income, now, I can buy whatever the fuck clothes I want.

If you were my child (mine are 20, 18, 17 and 12 btw), you could buy whatever you wanted.... and as soon as you lived in your own house... paying all your own bills.. you could wear them too!

Although I would want to know why you wanted them, and explain why I did not like them... usually there would be a compromise. For my girls, I have been known to allow the short skirts if there were boyshorts or opaque tights underneath. I try to explain the difference between personal style and expression and inappropriate/slutty. I have been known to allow tight pants on my son (he is 17) as long as he could sit, bend down, do yard work in them without being uncomfortable or splitting them. But I would not allow the falling off your body 30 sizes too big pants that show your ass, or underwear. I would rather the 70's 80's rock star too tight stuff, before I will allow the gang/rapper crap.

I suppose it comes down to respect more so than choices, although it would be the same for all the kids, mind you. If your parents did not like an outfit, be respectful and do not wear it around them... do what most of us did, go to a friends, get changed (put on make up etc...) then go out... just remember to change back before you go home.

Choices on appropriate clothes is not limited to teens, I have seen 30, and 50 year olds wearing things I would not be caught dead in as well. I suppose it comes down to this : try to think what your outfit says to: your teacher, your grandmother, your friends, your boss, strangers who you may have to talk with. If I was walking down the street, and a 17 yr old boy approached me in baggy clothes, hat on backwards, 20 chains around his neck..... I would be more leary than if the same kid in tight jeans and a t-shirt approached me. Image does matter, and your parents are probably just trying to make sure you understand that, even if they might be going about it wrong in your eyes.

Heh... Imagine fucking that?

I dont see any harm in the image of the, as you put it, "70's 80's rock star too tight stuff". I think I look damn good in it - I have a nice ass if I do say so myself, and neat blue jeans and a classic rock band shirt is far from an unruly impression. When I actually manage to tame my hair, I look pretty good, if somewhat gay - which, I think, is where their problem lies.

And the paying the bills thing? My dad's employer pays the rent, electric, and water bills. I'd be happy to pay my share of the five-dollar cable bill or the ten-dollar internet bill, and I already end up buying my own food four times out of five. Therefore, I should be able to wear any clothes I buy with my own money - he's not paying for me, honestly.

In fact, he's not paying for ME at all - everything he really gets, is for him - like the 1500 dollar handwired tube amp + preamp he just bought, against the council of everyone else in the family. Dick.

The nice thing about being 50 is I can wear any f**king thing I want and nobody will say s**t to me, 'cuz they know I don't give a shit.

From your lips to God's ears.

Yes, he is. His employer may actually pay the household expenses, but it is still your father's job that is allowing for those paid expenses. Honestly.
...and what? He isn't allowed anything fun just for himself?

I'm glad I always knew I never wanted children. I know what kind of child I was for my parents and I don't think I could have done as good of a job myself, as they did with me. I'm sure I still annoy my mother because I don't make the decisions she wants me to make...but the decisions I make, make me happy and don't harm others...so I don't let her harping bother me much.

I never had a big problem with my parents' rules. I might not have liked the rules but they were their rules. I was taught respect.

I started buying my own clothes when I first started working in the summers, but if I had tried to get away with a hooker outfit, that outfit would have gone into the trash. I was taught class.

Never for one minute would I think my dad was a d*** (can't even use that word in the same sentence) because he got something for himself. I liked my parents to be happy, too. I was taught love.

But, they sacrificed anyway, because they loved and respected me. Who or what is missing in your equation?

I just never wore clothes in front of my parents they would not like. If I bought it, it is mine, no need to bring it up.
Changed elsewhere. Did not tell them things that would upset them.
No need to.
Kids, too often, start shit just to start shit.

I personally favor the honest, upright approach to it. Changing elsewhere, whatever - not my thing.

Though every day I'm leaning more and more towards that approach - especially since then it could go WELL past just how tight my pants are, or anything like that. Makeup (tasteful makeup, mind you), jewellry, the whole nine yards.

Schyeah, that would be schweet, but...

My parents and I have never really had a big problem with my choices. I've always respected their rules and they've respected my decisions.

I wore tight jeans my senior year of high school but my parents didn't have a problem with it but they didn't like it. I didn't go overboard with it though.

Also, I never went throught that "rebel against authority" stage, pretty pointless in my mind.

And for the teens here... no dig, so don't get all defensive, if your parents cut you off financially today, how would you make it.

This is currently what I pay for my teens and if I cut them off their life as they know it would stop....

1) Three car payments.
2) Three car insurance payments.
3) Gas allotments to get to and from school or work only.
4) One childs out of state tution for college at $22,00 a semester.
5) Out of state childs room and board at $900 per month.
6) Some minor living expenses.

So if you were to be suddenly cut off, kicked out to the curb, etc, what would you do?

Well for one thing you would starve.

I have nearly a thousand dollars coming to me (eventually) from this job, so I would at least eat... And I have a couple hundred cash to tide me over till the paychecks come.

If we're including things that his JOB pays for?

Lets see.
Crash at a friend's place here for a few weeks - until work is over and I get all my money.
Plane ticket back to the states.
Plenty of people in maryland who would keep me in at least a bit of cash.

I don't drive, don't have school tuition, dont have anything he's paying for but the house and what's in it.

Since I'm gonna assume I get to keep my shit, I'd sell most of it for food money (and cause its hard to ship stuff so far!) and go from there. Pack my guitars and my computer, I'm gone.

I'm not saying it wouldn't be rough, but... I think I could at least survive. It wouldn't be fun, especially while I'm still getting on my feet, but... Well, at least I know I can't freeze to death on the streets here, right?

Wow Merc. One, where did that come from? Two, way to be a douchebag.

By the way, I could make it on my own. I have a real job (everyone I work with is TWICE as old as me) and I would find a second one. My job pays for health insurance, I could find an apartment that is close to my work and walk to and from so car payments are out of the way. I don't spend much anyways so that wouldn't be a problem. Rent would probably take up a little less than half my monthly paycheck but with my second job, I would be fine.

Going to school would make it much tougher but I think I could make it.

Eh? I don't see what you think you're seeing... Explanation?

Yeah, I wondered that myself.

I don't think Merc was really being that big of a dick here. And he has a point that certainly applies to some people; I know lots of teens, twenty-somethings, and even thirty-somethings living off their parents' generosity.

But just because you pay for your kids' cars and insurance and gas and tuition and housing doesn't mean everyone's parents do/did, Merc. I held anywhere from 1 to 3 jobs at a time, continuously from the age of 15. I bought my own car, paid for my own insurance, bought my own clothes, and paid for my own lunches and dinners when I was out of the house, which was considerable when you realize how many evenings I was out at work or theatre rehearsal. Once again we come back to the theme that you have not forced responsibility upon your children (which is fine, parents are supposed to care for their kids) so you and they have no idea what they're really capable of. If you truly think your children would literally starve if you cut them off, then that's kind of sad.

As usual, Clodfobble presents a balanced approach to the issue. It's true that Merc wasn't really being an asshat, and it's true that some young people do make their own money and would be offended to be told they couldn't make it on their own.

You should be a diplomat, cf! :)

For the most part, my parents gave me a considerable amount of latitude growing up, especially after I turned 16. I think my parents freak out more about stuff I do now at 31 than they did at 16 or 17.

Then don't gripe.

There is nothing dishonest about not beating your parents up with things you know they won't like but you are not strictly forbidden to do.
It is just not upsetting them unnecessarily, nothing else.