There is Something Wrong with My Chinese Delivery Place
 

I got this fortune cookie tonight. It didn't have the usual fortune cookie platitudes about long voyages or obscure Confucian wisdom type stuff.

It said "Stay away from the opposite sex."

It was not a specialty comedy cookie. Actually, they've been on a run of soppy positive self esteem cookies.

I thought about it awhile and realized that I must have gotten someone else's cookie, so I gave it to the homosexual when he got back into the office.

A queer cookie?

Well, shit--you've turned someone else's cookie for you into a paradox for him.

It sounds like a derivation of the general advice to stay away from temptation (e.g. advice to recovering alcoholics is to stay away from alcohol and bars, advice to adulterers is to stay away from the opposite sex. Perhaps they fancy themselves Chinese deliverers from evil. ;)

Damn good advice that, I wish I got that one wolf.

Well played. :)

Wow. They don't even try to be subtle. Just "STAY AWAY." Not avoid, not "be cautious."

That's really funny. :)

Two woks don't make a right.

Wow. Nice encouragement to go asexual. Or homosexual. Nun or shun.

THAT was a good one! :lol:

You know, it could have been a typo; maybe it was supposed to say "Stay away from the opposite of sex." As in, having no sex. Ah, who am I kidding? That's just a messed up cookie.

Perhaps the strangest fortune I ever received simply said "Made in the USA." I'm not joking here. That was the fortune, not some legal production ID business.

Perhaps you got one intended for domestic consumption, and not intended for export. I say it's legit. Very topical, current events-fresh.

That edict should have a big impact on the monkey-riding-goat concession. Those things poo, you know.

Pish tosh. Just hang out with more worthy members of the opposite sex. Start with me.

I'm going with not hanging out with any at the moment 'spode.

I'm hanging the old CFM's up for a well deserved break, but you are at the top of my list when I am...well.....back on the horse, so to speak ;)

They should enforce a spellcheck program too - mobili-s-ation and civili-s-ation. That or get a keyboard with a "z" key that works.




Unless of course that is a european spelling in which case -
as Gilda Radner put it - nevermind.

i suppose i should apologize in advance for this.......sorry.

If they are cursing in Chinese, who would know? Or has the influx of pirated American movies and gangsta rap made "fuck" the most heard word on the streets?

I once got a cookie fortune that beats all of these. I carried the thing around in my wallet until the paper disintegrated.

"Toreador pants are something that make your feet look big too."

I later found the Zippy The Pinhead strip with that line in it.

Life was not merely imitating art, it was copying it word for word.

Firefly fans.

Little Pete's fencing coach told her he'd teach her some choice Hungarian, french, Russian, and Italian so she could plant the seed of doubt in directors heads when questionable calls are made.

I can see how curses and oaths, in a foreign language, spat out by someone holding a weapon, would be unnerving.

It also makes them wonder if the kid can understand them conspiring to cheat in their native tongue. :)

The directors would be foreign and of the same nationality? Are we talking about international competition here?

That reminds me of the one I got the other day..... "your bills are your bills and your partner's bills are your bills"

Even my fortune cookies are trying to give me relationship advice.
Holy!

My favorite: "you are the apple of my eye."
My fortune cookie actually hit on me............Awesome! But I ate it. *Sorry cookie*

"Pink will be your new favorite color."

"It's never to late to learn."

I have both of these laminated in my wallet, but I'm too lazy to post a picture of them.

So he is at your office this week? He used to work here. I wonder where he will turn up next.

I used to get some crazy ones, and from all over, it was a trend for a while.
My favorite was, and this was all, with no lotto numbers on it.
"The end is near".

We usually just call him "The Fag."

His work (not relationship) partner is usually "The Fatman."

They write themselves onto the duty board that way.

British English has those spellings. Both are acceptable here, but the 's' spelling is started to be replaced by the 'z' spelling. To me, 'civilisation' looks more correct that 'civilization'. Though I sometimes use the 'z' spelling.

Hilarious.

is it anything like this?

Attachment 13875

It's more like Laurel and Hardy Drive The Ambulance.

:lol: That's a keeper - what an image!

[Highjack Shield]Many directors are also coaches but are barred from that role during competition. If they share a language with your opponent, they might be tempted to skirt the rules. Right now Russians are the common foreigners because of the breakup of the Soviet sports system. The Hungarians are leftovers from '56. It would be more of an issue in international competition, but it could happen. A well-timed curse just might keep them honest.[/Highjack shield down]

It should have said "Made for the USA".

Can't believe we're this far into the thread for the first mention of my favorite aspect of fortune cookie fortunes (I thought it was compulsory...): to read the fortune out loud, then add the words "in bed" at the end.

Of course, it could be just me...

I learned it as "...between the sheets."

Ok....now my fortunes are making a lot more sense. (in bed)

That is always the way I have read them. Most of our friends now had never heard of it read that way. I told them it was there; just in white ink.

in bed.
in bed.
in bed.
in bed.
in bed.
in bed.
in bed.
in bed.
(I know it hasn't (yet) been printed on a fortune, but it's damn funny anyway.)
in bed.

Yep. Much clearer.

Did that come with a set of Peril-Sensitive Sunglasses?

Hey, I never knew Douglas Adams wrote fortunes!

Don Adams

Would you believe........the Claw wrote those fortunes? :D