Flirting
 

Has anyone else noticed how easy it is to flirt when it's just harmless fun, and how hard it is when you actually hope to get something out of it? Normally I'm a total flirt, and have to actively try to not flirt when I'm in a situation where it would be inappropriate. When I am actually interested in someone, though, it's the least natural thing in the world. Drives me crazy! :mad:

Any helpful tips from the more suave cellarites? :)

I suck with girls. My girlfriend chose me so yeah. I agree flirting is really hard when you have interest, but! equally as hard even when it's just harmless fun. At least for me. The opposite is scary when it's not a significant other, family or friends. Rejection is a devastating feeling that most would like to completely avoid.

You can say that again. :(

You weren't....rejected from your latest flirt attempt? I thought you were fianceed or something... ?

Easy to flirt?

Not no, hell no.

Young fella just above nailed it for me. Rejection sucks and I avoid it and situations that lead to it. That doesn't work, of course. I still get rejected, and it still sucks. Flirting is "ok" I guess, but I've been conditioned like one of those lab rats that gets an electric shock every time they get a food pellet. I like the interest and hate the grief that inevitably follows.

"Get something out of it?" Wha? :eyebrow: I'm married, and I *do* like to flirt with MrsV, and she's quite good at it, and I enjoy it in that context. Outside that context, no. Not interested, not easy, and not welcome.

I'm probably not the kind of person you were hoping to hear from though.

I am married (good memory! I was engaged when I first posted here. :)), but we have a sort-of open marriage -- I can see other women, but not other men. And there's a women I really like, who also seems to like me. The problem is, because we live in different cities, we mostly communicate by email, and I'm having a hard time saying the things that I want to say through email, so I'm afraid that I'll give her the idea that I'm not really interested, and she'll decide to move on and find someone else. The fact that I haven't really thought about seeing anyone else since I met my husband in 2004 doesn't help with the general feelings of incompetence. :o

Hime! I'm glad you posted that. I have exactly the same thing. I flirt outrageously with people who are 'safe' and never going to be a prospect...but if I really like someone I turn into an awkward 14 year old and cant quite get that light easy flirting to work. Instead it comes out awkward and restrained:P

That's a good start ... :p

I want to, but so far they won't let me. :p

I dropped the power steering cap down in the fender well today. It was really easy to be nice to the mechanic who used that funny long gripper tool to get it out of there for me. ( at no cost )

I am not a flirty person but I was genuine and thankful which for some odd reason felt like flirting. I asked him if I could buy him a cup of coffee and gave him a tip.

I've actually always hated flirting, except in one or two very isolated types of circumstances. It strikes me as annoying, worse then talking endlessly about the weather or something like that. Of course, I'm referring to flirting with someone other then your SO, but in that case it's not really 'flirting' in the same sense. Casual flirting is like plinking a few notes at random on a keyboard, SO's flirting have the sheet music in front of them for the duet.

This is somehow so poetic. Good one.

I don't know anyone who rejects people when they flirt with them. I don't think I've ever ignored someone who's flirting with me and I doubt anyone else does.

Seriously, there's a huge difference between flirting with someone and hitting on them, if you know what i mean.

My secretary reckons I have turned flirting into an art form, it just flows out of my mouth and body language subconsciously it would appear.

Youre just out of *flirting with intent* practice Hime, I dont have any great advice, but if you are thinking that she is going to move on....just ask yourself, what have you got to lose?

It should actually be easier for you to flirt via email that the awkward face to face stuff.

I have the most annoying male friend, he is gorgeous, smart and lovely....but totally oblivious to women (including me) flirting with him. Its soooo frustrating, when I get pissed and ask him why he doesnt respond, he's always..."What? were you flirting?".

Its this reason that he has girls falling over themselves to get near him me thinks.

Stop flirting to achieve something, it's too much like 'work'. Flirt to have fun, enjoy yourself and make friends. It comes much more naturally that way. :D

That's fine til you fall head over heels with someone ;P

True, but Duck brings up a good point, it is a skill that you can practice. I'm a huge flirt, both with and without intent, but I do remember a time that I would get gooey lips and rubbery knees around a girl I liked. It wasn't just a one time guts-up moment of saying "What do I have to lose?" It was time after time of forcing myself to try, making a total ass out of myself (Can't count the number of times I accidentally called a girl fat by accident!) and it only got a little bit easier every time. It's something you need to practice...

How do you call someone fat by accident? :p

You all are right that I am just out of practice. In high school I had this awkward situation where I was not popular at all with the "cool" kids, but among my friends, a loose affiliation of geeks, punks and goths, I was enough of a queen bee that guys didn't think they could ask me out. :o So if I wanted to go out with anyone I had to do the asking myself, and I got used to it. It's been a long time since then, though, and apparently dating is not like riding a bicycle. :D

Haha, you'd be surprised. It'd usually happen if the girl was fishing for a compliment, and I wouldn't realize the connotation my words would have until they were half way out of my mouth.

Its about the mindset. Just try to keep the same mindset that you have around your friends when you are around someone you actually want to get with. You will be a lot funnier and less awkward that way.

I used to be very shy in high school and parts of last year but now it really depends on my mood, if I'm in a good one I can feel comfortable around anyone and if I'm in a bad mood I usually just avoid people.

I am also a huge flirt and I mess around with both guys and girls even though I am only attracted to girls and I like to keep people off balanced when I'm joking around. One minute playfully insult them then the next talk them up and random stuff like that.

Ohhh, PHE made me think of something.

Flirting can be influenced by how your mindset is, soooo, dress up in something you find really sexy....I know that sounds weird for sending emails...but....it will work.

I am truly surprised at how often I am told I am flirting, but am not intending to. My husband teases me sometimes about "flirting with my boyfriends" when I haven't even thought of it like that.

I get that A LOT. It's just how I interact with people I guess.