The Art of Not Being Offended
 

This is from an article I "Stumbled" upon in Firefox; pretty good read:

There is an ancient and well-kept secret to happiness which the Great Ones have known for centuries. They rarely talk about it, but they use it all the time, and it is fundamental to good mental health. This secret is called The Fine Art of Not Being Offended. In order to truly be a master of this art, one must be able to see that every statement, action and reaction of another human being is the sum result of their total life experience to date. In other words, the majority of people in our world say and do what they do from their own set of fears, conclusions, defenses and attempts to survive. Most of it, even when aimed directly at us, has nothing to do with us. Usually, it has more to do with all the other times, and in particular the first few times, that this person experienced a similar situation, usually when they were young.

Yes, this is psychodynamic. But let’s face it, we live in a world where psychodynamics are what make the world go around. An individual who wishes to live successfully in the world as a spiritual person really needs to understand that psychology is as spiritual as prayer. In fact, the word psychology literally means the study of the soul.

All of that said, almost nothing is personal. Even with our closest loved ones, our beloved partners, our children and our friends. We are all swimming in the projections and filters of each other’s life experiences and often we are just the stand-ins, the chess pieces of life to which our loved ones have their own built-in reactions. This is not to dehumanize life or take away the intimacy from our relationships, but mainly for us to know that almost every time we get offended, we are actually just in a misunderstanding. A true embodiment of this idea actually allows for more intimacy and less suffering throughout all of our relationships. When we know that we are just the one who happens to be standing in the right place at the right psychodynamic time for someone to say or do what they are doing—we don’t have to take life personally. If it weren’t us, it would likely be someone else.

This frees us to be a little more detached from the reactions of people around us. How often do we react to a statement of another by being offended rather than seeing that the other might actually be hurting? In fact, every time we get offended, it is actually an opportunity to extend kindness to one who may be suffering—even if they themselves do not appear that way on the surface. All anger, all acting out, all harshness, all criticism, is in truth a form of suffering. When we provide no Velcro for it to stick, something changes in the world. We do not even have to say a thing. In fact, it is usually better not to say a thing. People who are suffering on the inside, but not showing it on the outside, are usually not keen on someone pointing out to them that they are suffering. We do not have to be our loved one’s therapist. We need only understand the situation and move on. In the least, we ourselves experience less suffering and at best, we have a chance to make the world a better place.

This is also not to be confused with allowing ourselves to be hurt, neglected or taken advantage of. True compassion does not allow harm to ourselves either. But when we know that nothing is personal, a magical thing happens. Many of the seeming abusers of the world start to leave our lives. Once we are conscious, so-called abuse can only happen if we believe what the other is saying. When we know nothing is personal, we also do not end up feeling abused. We can say, “Thank you for sharing,” and move on. We are not hooked by what another does or says, since we know it is not about us. When we know that our inherent worth is not determined by what another says, does or believes, we can take the world a little less seriously. And if necessary, we can just walk away without creating more misery for ourselves or having to convince the other person that we are good and worthy people.

The great challenge of our world is to live a life of contentment, regardless of what other people do, say, think or believe. The fine art of not being offended is one of the many skills for being a practical mystic. Though it may take a lifetime of practice, it is truly one of the best kept secrets for living a happy life.

so. You read The New Earth.

congrats.

Now now Brianna, no need to be offensive. One man's revelation is simply old news to another.;)

Sometimes people are working out of a completely subjective filter, and sometimes they are being completely objective when they tell you that you stink and need to get a bath. This may hurt but it will help you, and your intimacy problems, if you just go get the bath as directed. It may even save your life....


It's a little more complex than the paragraph above. Sounds neat...but it isn't always the way to deal with a criticism.....

We don't see things as they are, we see things as we are. - Anais Nin

It is such a long grand sweeping read I think there should be lilting music playing in the background. The thoughts are so lofty and being a simple bumpkin I rather understand Cicero's angle better.


In all seriousness Thanks for sharing rex.

I find that article offensive.

i find you offensive.

I think being offended is more of an art.

I think being offensive is more of an art.

You don't have the right not to be offended; you have the ability.

oh yeah, well you have a highly developed ability to be offensive. it certainly isn't my fault.

:D
So you are insulting me now? You only understand what I say because I'm a simple bumpkin?!?

You are right...I have no clue what's what when I read watered down modern metaphysical psychology ripped right from classical grecco-roman and buddhist philosophy, in a now mutilated form. The Self-help and motivational genre is completely over my simple-minded head.

Cicero's angle: It's very common stoic philosophy written a lot about by Epictetus and various others. Except there is about 90 pages left out at minimum so it's inaccurate and specious, so as to follow a more modern christian slant.

Oh and you are ugly!!!
:p

Take a number. :p

what.....?* I'm confused* and ugly I guess

Reading that article has changed my view of the Dwellars who have offended me in the past; so I say bring it!. If you choose to bash me, I shall take it. I won't even try to defend myself cuz...well...there would be no point. :p

One of the last things Graham Chapman did before he died, was a college tour where he would encourage everyone in the audience to ruthlessly insult him for the first five minutes of the show.

genius

You are so hot when you get all intellectual.:D

I am starting to feel that Merc's compliments aren't compliments anymore. Back to the drawing-board....You know what? I'm just going to take it as a compliment anyway because I need one. Thanks Merc!!
:)

Oh my god wings would be so good right now. Damn. I'm starving. Merc just popping in to remind me that wings are at a restaurant next door...So close yet so far away. Oh jeez. I'm hungry...

Sky has never been ugly. (obvious fact)
:)
But for the sake of the thread I think you should be insulted. And I should be complimented. Just messin' around sky..just jokes.

oh goodie...I thought I mixed up wisdom with smarts. Some people can have both. Looks like you really do...oh and grace too! I am happy again. :)

two crazy chicks arguing is awesome.

thanks, cellar!

Oh I get it...you are fantasizing about a cat-fight. I see....

Let's insult lj for the sake of the thread now.
:)
cock!

hardly an insult. cock is as cock does, after all. cat fights are pretty hot, tho......especially if the girls aren't *really* fighting.

nah, I'm not into cock-n-bull :)

but thanks ;)

well, how about a little slapntickle?

is that like just the tip?

Or failing that, a rerun of Doris Day in Calamity Jane.

That movie looks about as lesbian as Oklahoma looks gay. Really -- it's a lesbian wet dream and they keep their clothes on. Astounding.

So... how do you feel about that?

The point of this exercise isn't to talk about me. It's about you spudcon. How does that make you feel?
:)

Well, I guess I'm OK if you're OK, and as long as we can all just get along, then all we need is love. On the other hand, what would LJ do?;)

RIGHT THAT'S IT!!!!

I'm totally offended by that opening post and find the whole thread offensive. This must stop now .......Now god dam it !!!

Oh great ! Now you've gone and made me offend myself.

Now I'm dying to see how this comes out!

Do you need a nappy?

Back to the serious OT:
I am horrified at how easily I was offended when I was younger. I had such a closed mind, and yet I would have foamed at the mouth if anyone had caleld me on it.

I'm pretty sure I have the empathy not to be automatically offended now, but I know there are plenty of knee-jerk reactions just waiting for the hammer.

I feel like I was a tightly wound spring that is slowly uncoiling. I hope that by the time I'm 70 I'll be totally slack.

Oh, wait.....

Those who get offended deserve to be offended.