Pick Up Artist
 

So I want to enjoy college. I shoulda broke up with my X at the beginning of freshman year, a really shoulda (yes I'm hearing it from everyone).

I'm trying to get back in the game, trying to have great interactions with ladies, because frankly, being in that 3 year relationship---when I first came out of it I was like damn I am terrible with girls, been tied down and not getting any better on flirting and the whole sha-bang-a-bang.

I've been looking through online material about being a pick-up artist. And I'm wondering what you guys think of it. I'm definitely not a player, but is it wrong to try to aspire to be better with women? I've been making some big leaps in my game I feel recently. And I cannot wait for the school year to start!

I'm just so tired of trying to be the nice guy, because now that I'm out those nice dudes just don't have fun--they don't have the social and romantic interactions that I want to have. Trying to model myself after successful studs, is that so wrong? Or is it womanizing? What's the distinction between a guy who wants short term relationships (me) and a guy who preys on women? I'm trying to see the line.

It's not wrong... just don't start whining when you discover the caliber of women that are attracted to that type of attitude.

That, there, is what'll get you into all kinds of trouble. Like classic said, see what that attracts.

Instead of looking to pick up girls, look to expand your friendships and make sure that includes girls. Just....I duno, get on with them, like you'd get on with any other human being and if something sparks, it sparks. Apart from anything else, it's a hell of a lot nicer if a guy just tries to get to know you, than treats you like some prize to be won.

Get yourself out of your comfort zone and go to places where you'll meet people of both sexes and if you are open to the possibilities, but not actively seeking it out, my guess is you'll spark with someone, sooner or later. Plenty of girls out there, who are up for a little fun, but don't want to be hunted :P

i'm thinking that you're probably as annoying in real life as you are on here. so,.... you're doomed.

give up now, save yourself the effort.

So, has Lookout put you in charge of the motivating, half-time speech then?

I'm using reverse psychology. shh.

Lick your finger. Touch her shirt with it.

(she'll look at you quizically)

Look her straight in the eye and say,

"Let's get you out of those wet clothes".

They love that.
:D

Build up your confidence. As long as you're not a douche, and are just there to be successful with women, go for it.

Women are all weak for a guy with high confidence. It's how nature works.

Be yourself. And if that isn't good enough, you need to seriously do some thinking about how to make yourself a more interesting person - for real, not for show.

Other than that, I'd have to agree with Spectacle. I married an arrogant SOB. :)

...he turned out to be a good guy...eventually ;)

But there's a hell of a difference between being confident and merely being brash.

I agree with all the people who have posted re being yourself and being confident. Being "a nice guy" is very rarely the same as being yourself. If you are being yourself - a nice guy - and still saying, "nice guys finish last" then you are calling yourself a loser. BAD place to start, mm-kay?

A little historical information, from back in the 1700s when I was approx your age:
I worked in a town centre pub and I used to see all the pick up artists, week in week out. Quite often they would leave with a woman they'd met that night. Or with a phone number. At the very least they would easily chat up two or three different women, getting positive attention from them, smiles, hair flicking, flirting.

But after a while of being quite in awe of them and thinking they must be quite a catch for being so popular (shhh, I was 19 when I started there) I realised how shallow they were. All their lines were chat up lines. They were practised in the art of flirty small talk. They didn't really know how to take things to the next level because they lacked sincerity. They were all about the chase, so they chased every weekend.

I ended up with massive crushes on a couple of different guys over the years I worked there. Men who were worlds apart from The Players, or whatever you want to call them. One I eventually dated just before I met my husband to be - made the wrong choice there sadly - and I still think of him fondly. They engaged me in conversation. When the pub was quiet we talked about things that mutually interested us. I would finish my shift and sit and talk to them (different men at different times I mean) and they would make me laugh. I fancied them rotten because they would say something - some throw away line - that I would turn over in my head for the next couple of days. Something funny or pithy or simply something that made me see things in a different light.

And the thing is, apart from the one guy who I dated (and even that took a while) the others were simply enjoying my company for what it was. They weren't there to try and pull, or to get me into bed. They were confident, intelligent, funny men who liked conversation. They were more relaxed, better fun to be with and enjoyed themselves far more than those chasing the next young thing. They put me off the Flash Harry type for life.

IF you want to be the shallow type for a while, go for it. Not reverse psychology - you're the right age to screw around (safely please!) have fun, get some notches on your bedpost. I did. But do believe us old 'uns and recognise that it's just scratching an itch. Long term, that behaviour carries the seeds of its own downfall.

Good luck chick - let us know how you get on - I could do with some vicarious rumpy pumpy!

You really aught to avoid men of the cloth SG.....

Here! Here! And Amen. Very good point I think.

In fresh's case however:
I would propose that fresh actually not be himself. I remember the last fiasco where he started calling his ex a slut because he had a mutual break up and she got over it. I propose that fresh deal with his female issues before he continues to treat women even more like trash with one nighters (all 2 seconds of it):p
(Just a joke fresh).

I think this thread is a sign that he's still not over it and his problems have grown.

I know people told him to not take relationships too seriously at his age, but I don't think this is what anyone had in mind......:eyebrow:

Vicarious? What about the real thing?

This I know. I went with brash recently and afterward I regret it so much I continually feel grossed out months later.

There is something to be said for a 'nice guy' although a flaw in my character prevents me from feeling intrigued by one.

edit- Perhaps this isn't true. Maybe there just arn't any nice guys my age. I see plenty that are quite younger but I don't do young-ins.

<<Off comes the mask>>

I was a pick up artist. And I don't see anything wrong with it.

At the ages 18-30 this is where people are dating the most. And the sole reason to date at this age is not for her. Not for him. It's a very selfish reason to date when you are young but very necessary: you are dating for yourself. You need to see what kind of person you'd like to be with and pay bills with and enjoy making dinner for. Essentially, you are learning about yourself. And once you have found your own outlook then you can start trying to match it with a significant other.

So being a pick up artist is a way to do that. A very fun way that will build confidence, social skills and in ways character.
Fresh is not looking to be married; he is not that naive anymore. This route will not only help him completely be over her, but will set himself up to enjoy the rest of his 20s. I feel short term relationships are the only necessary relationships in college. The girls don't judge you on your major, they are there exclusively to have fun as well. Out in the real world the game gets much harder, girls start asking about your salary, where you live, how nice your apartment/car is, what you do for a living.

Live it up fresh, pick up those girls. You will have plenty of time to be the nice guy your personality defaulted you to after you settle into financial comfortability. In my opinion long term relationships can wait until one is truly ready to fuse their lives with another. He clearly wasn't ready with his ex (no one actually should be at age 20 {that's throwing away your life opportunities}), so let him pick up until he's the mature late twenty something year old that we were when we started thinking about families and home ownership and our cholesterol level.

I got married at 22 and by that point was more than ready to think about a family and home ownership and his cholesterol level. :) Obviously fresh does not fall into this category and that's totally fine, but not everyone needs a decade out of high school to find themselves. But then again, I also never asked nor cared about his salary, car, etc... further proving my earlier point about what types of people are attracted to which mindset.

Perhaps we define pick up artist differently, Spectacle.

I assumed it meant men who specialise in the art of picking up women. With the definite aim of taking them home to bed. Then on to the next one, next night or next weekend. Not men who are looking to date different types of women in order to have relaxed fun with the opposite sex, find out what they like and admire and perhaps get a little action along the way.

If that's all you're looking to do Fresh I do apologise. There's nothing shallow in that at all and it's great to keep things casual and not assume you're searching for "the one". In fact it's the way I would recommend anyone your age approaches women.

One point Spectacle - what sort of women do you know? Like Clod, I have never asked a man his salary in my life! I've also never been interested in the car a man drives, where he lives or what his job is, outside of just getting to know him more as a person. Eek.

I had a roommate who was the ringleader of a cheating ring in high school. Why did everyone cheat? For the grades. Why did he cheat? Because it was a fun game he played with the teacher. He told me he thought of it as, "Do you have the balls to call me out? You probably know I'm cheating, but would you actually stop this exam, tell the principle, call up my parents and bitch to them about me? Do you have the balls to do that? Is it worth the effort? How far can I push it to get away with cheating"

That's how I viewed being a PUA, pick up artist. At first and for most guys, motivation is to get laid. Fulfill the sexual appetite. But as you get to be smooth at conversation, having more fun socially, and of course getting more ass, you do it not for the sex. You do it because it's fun, not because you want to get with every girl. Hell PUAs get rejected all the damn time, and they are cool with it. It's just another no on the way to a yes. It's the obstacles on the course, it's the challenges present in the game. People who want to be PUAs strictly to get laid will fail, and fall hard. Even if they become successful at hooking up if they continue down that route (when being a pick up artist isn't quite socially acceptable) their life will not be fulfilling. They won't have matured and started the next stage of life.

What I guess I'm saying is it's perfectly fine to pick up as a young man. The benefits you reap from being a PUA are worth it, those intangibles are things you can't get from being a passive nice guy. Being assertive and confident are characteristics of a PUA. Being unheard and getting used are characteristics of nice guys. But accepting that being a PUA is a temporary job, it cannot further advance you in life realistically, is what should drive you. This is my time to shine, so let's get that spotlight on me. When it's over, I'll get off the stage and continue on with my night, not trying desperately to get the attention I used to get.

And yes, I've known women who ask "how much do you make?" within 5 minutes of meeting them. Ask other guys here, those gold diggers are prowling just like your definition of a PUAs.

Nothing wrong with picking up girls for some uncomplicated fun. I just get the impression that sometimes men are so interested in the game, they don't actually see the woman. That's what fresh's proposed approach sounded like to me. games of seduction are fine if both parties are aware that's what they're playing. If a guy hides who he is and just spends the entire time being, or saying, whatever will get the women into bed, it feels almost like victory through deception. That's where it becomes shallow.

Go pick up girls fresh. Nowt wrong with that. Just don't be messing with people's heads to do it. Women = people. That doesn't mean you have to treat each encounter with gravitas, just treat the women as people. Chances are there's plenty of girls looking for just the sort of uncomplicated fun you're after:)

The whole thread may be moot; you may find that all your "boning" up on pick-up advice from the interwebz only leaves you looking like a desperate dog man.

Then again, if you just be yourself and don't be all "I gotta pick someone up" maybe you'll make some friends, gain some respect, give some respect, and meet a nice person who doesn't care about all the phony bells and whistles.

But I hate phony, and smell it a mile away. Lots of girls couldn't see phony if it smacked them right upside the head...is this who you're looking to score with?

You want social and romantic interactions and you also want short term relationships? Somehow I don't see those two going hand-in-hand. Shwanee is correct. Women are not stupid and can spot a phony pretty damn quick. Some women put up with that because he is a nice guy and want to give him a chance to redeem himself. (doesn't work usually) :rolleyes:

I think you are heading up a creek without a paddle young one. But, live and learn I 'spose.

The idea is to avoid getting ensared by the cycles of desire and disillusionment.

Oops. Sorry for my clumsy fingers on your name Shawnee.:neutral:

Way down upon the Shwanee River! I kind of like it, Tink. :)

I can name that tune in 4 notes.

three

Darn!:runaway:

OK Fresh, I'll go you one better. I got married at 20 and divorced at 22. One of those events lists among the best things to ever happen in my life, but you can decide which.;) At 22 I found myself single and completely stripped of confidence. I tried dating right away only to realize that I wanted desperately to date and have fun with the womenz so I only ended up with some, er... less than ideal partners.

So I decided before trying to show some woman why I was worth getting to know, I better figure it out for myself. Unless you are just a complete douche there has got to be something interesting about you. Figure it out. Embrace it. Then try something new. Quit focusing in the womenz and focus on you. Not in a self involved King of the world way, but in a this is one of those rare times in life where you are free to grow without the pressures of family or girlfriends weighing you down with responsibility. Become someone you think is interesting. Don't act like it - be it.

If you don't have the slightest clue where to begin go get a part time gig at a bar - not a dance club, but a bar. You'll meet all kinds of men and women. You'll see some real standup guys who are the focus of the room with no effort and you'll meet guys who are complete and utter asshats who think they rock. Take the time to spot the differences. Being a nice guy doesn't mean being a weak wristed little puss. there is a world of difference between a gentleman and a doormat even though you can use some of the same adjectives. Women don't like what they can't respect and it is impossible to respect a dishrag. Learn who you are and do some growing before trying to be a stud. You'll find that when you've actually done that you won't ask for a number, they'll ask for yours. And the cool thing is that after you've dated for a little while and moved on they'll turn their friends onto you if you really have treated them right. (obviously that doesn't apply if you are looking for "the one").

Following lookout's comments, I found that when I stopped trying so hard and just did my own thing the relationships came easier and more often. When I finally stopped pineing for my GF of 4 years in college I met my wife.

I guess all I want to do is to become better with women. The sex, relationships, drama and whatever are all byproducts. I'm in it for the process.

The process of being better at relating to other humans begins with the process of relating well to yourself and acting accordingly with that self-confidence.

There is no shortcut...and if there were, it certainly wouldn't be learning how to be a total douchebag. You don't want to end up like Dimitri.

It's not rocket science, dude. To "become better with women" all any man really needs to do is pay attention, be kind, and treat her with honesty and respect.

Women don't really want Mr Smooth Rico Suave...just be yourself. The way you put it sounds so phony and robotic. Do you need schematics and work procedures?

if you don't take the time to work on you and figure out why it is that you have this deep desire "to just be better with women" and an interest in being a PUA you're just destined to be a douchebag picking up the slags at closing time. you seem to have this misguided idea that a PUA is good with women. A PUA is easy to spot from a mile away because he's the one using tired cliche moves that are transparent attempts to get some ass. he will often be successful at getting laid but that's it. he doesn't get that the same woman probably would have slept with him anyway, but if he'd been a bit more genuine there would be more positive after effects than grabbing his pants and splitting. A successful PUA has the same basic value as condom. Sure, it does the job, but it just isn't the same as feeling. you can't be better with women until you're better with yourself.

I'm sorry everyone here disagrees, but go for it Fresh. Nothing wrong with it, in my opinion if you can't be one you become a hater of it. But the guys who are enjoying themselves in the college scene will welcome the hate from the guys who can't do it like them.

As I said before, the process > the outcome.

a choice not to be a douche is not the same as an inability to be a douche. I've enjoyed my share of romantic times and probably took a few others' shares as well, and I tell you that it can be done without going the PUA artist route.

It is obvious we define a PUA differently.

hopefully that is true. For me the PUA is the guy who is looking to score, doesn't really care who it's with or what happens after, and generally isn't treating the women with much respect. A PUA's basic motto can be summed up with "get in, get off, get out".

Damn, this thread makes me glad I'm married. I never want to go through that again!

Speck is right. I can't be a college male pick-up artist, so I'm a hater. Huh?

I've been around that block, I'm speaking from experience. When you've been halfway around that block give me a call, we might have something to talk about.

Yep, choosing to respect women is a bad choice. Especially when your penis is throbbing.