Cellar Brawl
 

lumberjim enters.

lumberjim picks up wooden cane back chair

lumberjim breaks chair over griff's back as he sips his sasparilla

say friend, you got any more of that good sasparilla?

Griff recovers.

lumberjim ducks under a pool queue wielded by pete and performs a leg sweep on classicman.

classicman lands ass first in a full spatoon

Whips out his saber and gives LJ a vasectomy. :eek:

puts a band-aid on his bean bag

"Just like a Dwellar, to bring a chair to a table fight," shouts Griff as he claps the beanbag between table tops. Griff seeks out a fresh bottle and pulls a chair up to Bri's table.

"fuck off goat boy!", Bri exclaims as she slides closer to her professor.

"Sorry miss, I'll leave you and your syphillic grand-dad be." Griff seeks out a seat against the wall facing the door.

:hide:



Oh what the hell.


Throws empty beer bottle at LJ

Throws ashtray at Griff

Finds a baseball and throws it at Classic (since he threw one at me in chat)

:bolt:

:hide:

UT picks up his drinks, his fellow dwellars' drinks, and wanders through the brawl unscathed to the exit, a la Cyrano Jones in The Trouble With Tribbles.

Limey gives the swinging door a sly kick behind UT so that it whaps him on the bahouchie (Scots for bottie) and he staggers forwards flinging drinks as he goes ...

..."I'll have that" says Dana as a bottle of beer flies through the air and lands in her hand. "Thanks UT".

"My beverages!" moans UT.

ZenGum is flattened by a boomarang ashtray.

Damn, I shouldn't have tried to catch it with my teeth.

I hate the taste of ashtrays.



You know Bri, from here on the floor, I can see right up your skirt.

Zengum, distracted by Bri's commando style, fails to note Lookout setting up for a free kick from the bar...

"Sweet Jesus.." moans Lookout, bruising his toes on Zengum's semi, "Those down under's have hard down unders!"

As he staggers backwards, he falls into Clodfobble's lap, and she smartly clocks him on the head with her purse which in true mommy stle is very full and very heavy. He slides dazed off her lap and lies twitching on the floor, wishing he'd never left home.

(Cloud dodges flying chairs and epithets and hightails it out the back door)

Elspode swaggers in through the swinging doors, pushes back his Stetson, draws a pair of matched pearl handled Hitachi Magic Wand vibrators from his holsters and starts looking for an outlet.

"Sweet Jesus" moans Lookout once again.

glatt steps through the door. Looks slowly around, and walks back out into the street.

the door bangs open again, and jinx drags glatt back into the bar by his ear. a shiny new nike shoves him into the fray.

'no spectating, lefty.'

Dragging himself up off the floor classicman turns, reaches up and slaps lumberjim upside the head - - - from behind. Turns laughing and runs

Zengum leaps to his feet a la Bruce Lee, takes a run up, jumps, swings one the chandelier, releases, and lands squarely boots first on who ever is in the way ...

ouch!

Cloud forgot her purse and is now trying to slink along the floor out of everyone's way.

Not very successfully.

Hey, look! Here's a $20 bill!

Zippyt wakes up in the corner next to the Piano , looks around ,
grabs a flying bottle of whiskey ,
takes a Big swig ,emptying the bottle
chunks the empty bottle hitting LumberJim in the head ,
" Bunch a fucken YAHOOS !!!!!"
Pulls his hat back down over his eyes and starts snoring
ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

Sundae Girl sneaks in while most of the Dwellars are sleeping off their exertions, or passed out, drunk (or all three). She pauses for a second to watch Lumberjim's buzzing cheek, then realises he's fallen asleep on one of 'Spode's vibrators.

She helps herself to a couple of bottles which still have more than an inch left in them, then spies a purse in the corner of the room, with currency temptingly poking out like a toothy smile.

Stepping over the supine bodies, she bends to fish out the cash.

That's when a hand shoots up and grabs her wrist like a vice.
"Lady, I am going to take you down," says Cloud menacingly.

Merc sits quietly in the dark corner wearing dark glasses running his index finger across the trigger of the .45 in his pocket watching the action unfold.

Cicero grabs Shawnee by the hair outside on the dusty porch and pushes her into the horse manure/mud pile off the steps.....Shawnee sets her hands down to get back up right in the mud puddle. Cicero turns her back to walk right back inside, and is surprised to be falling, as Shawnee had earlier stolen Cicero's tazer right out of her bag and struck. Cicero yells, "don't taze me bro"! "And I'm not sorry about ur finger!"

lumberjim turns and faces the monitor. walks towards it..peers through...knocks.~ ping ping ping~ on the inside of your monitor.

"hey, elspode! When are you going to make the 'cellar orgie' thread already?"

Cloud pulls SG girl down to her level . . .

and gives her a big smackaroo right on the kisser!

Hey! I'm a lover, not a fighter! :D

Merc, distracted by watching Cloud and SG smooching, accidentally tugs the trigger on the .45 in his pocket, putting a round through his own underpant region and qualifying for a non-fatal Darwin award.

Everyone else ducks and twitches at the sound of the gunshot, except ZippyT, who finds it reminds him of how his ma used to call the family to dinner. "Comin, ma" hu mumbles from his doze.

Sundae Girl, who knows both sides of a bar, notices that the bartender has skedaddled, and slides around the back of the bar (closely followed by Cloud). "On the house" she calls loudly, with her hand on the beer tap.

Cloud determines that beer makes a fine hair rinse!

footfootfoot kicks you all in the cuntcuntcunt.

Clodfobble spews her drink all over the bar, because foot is so funny--but also because she just got kicked in the cunt.

"Alright, goddammit," she spits. "When it was just heads landing in my lap, that was one thing, but feet is a whole new ballgame." She reaches into her voluminous diaper bag and pulls out her trusty leatherman, with its can opener tool exposed.

Elspode, knowing a useful tool when he sees one, grabs the Leatherman from Clod's hand, and uses it to pop off the childproof caps from the bar's electrical outlet. Moving like a cat, he swiftly plugs in both vibrators, flicks their switches to "high", and moves in toward the prone and purseless form of Cloud...

Cloud pretends to be sleeping. ;)

Bruce slings Cloud over his shoulder and with his free hand flings a typewriter at Elspode. The vibrators get entangled in the keys and tap out the opening sentences of a porn novel.

Radar notices the bartender is busy so he helps himself to a free beer and a shot. LJ bumps into Radar's arm and makes him spill a drop of that sweet sweet nectar. After downing the remaining beer and shot, Radar breaks a pool cue on the back of Mercenary's head to teach LJ what will happen to him if he does it again.

Zengum takes the contents of the ice machine and hurls handfuls at anyone in sight. There is minor bruising and irritation, and soon, the floor is covered in loose, slippery, melting ice....

Cloud isn't sleeping; she's passed out blotto from all that beer. She rouses, confuddled.

Wha -- Bruce! put me down!

oh, Bruce . . . you're so strong . . .

Cloud accidentally kicks Zengum in the head, as she, Bruce, and Zengum are ambushed by the slippery ice and go down in a heap . . .

Well, as long as we're down here... :blush:

Zengum shoves a handful of ice down Bruce's pants, as a way of explaining that, sorry, I don't swing that way.

Meanwhile, SamIam grabs a soda dispenser bottle and begins hosing down anyone in sight.

Flint enters, stands with fist upon hips, and surveys the carnage.

"I'd better put on my gloves of destiny. looks like I'll need the +5 damage to augment my might. Oh, and the leather Goggles of Shanara so I can see danger approaching.......and this chain mail vest ....and these greaves.....and my cloak of invisiblity....."

as he fishes in his rucksack for the equipment, wolf steps up behind him, and pistol whips him right on the medula. Flint goes down faster than Sundae Girl on the second date. ...and stays down.

Deathly skips in...pauses...helps herself to something to drink then runs to the dark corner over there...

...and accidently steps on Cicero in the fetal position in the corner...hiding and whimpering in terror.

Then exclaims "I'm sorry, mind if I join you?"

Zengum slaps Bruce up the back of the head, as promised elsewhere.

And administers a Wet Willie* to Deathlysilence, just to keep things moving.

*Moisten the tip of one finger in liquid, and stick in in the victims ear. Just something we like to do down under, if we want to start some trouble.

Don't make me come down there. :eyebrow:

*points finger an inch away from bruce's eyeball*

I'm not touching you! I'm not touching you! haaa!

lumberjim sneaks up and gives cicero a melvin.

That's happened before. :p

Gives Lumberjim a wedgie.

*shrieks* then scampers off to find a strong stranger with a drink

Sundae Girl stands up and says, "What is this, a fucking kindergarten?!" and starts flinging chairs in true British football hooligan stylee.

That's more like it, SG!

Here we go, here we go,, here we go,
Here we go, here we GO, here we go-o-o-o-o
Here we go, here we go, here we goooo-oh
Here we go, here we go, here we go!

Zen sets off the fire extinguisher in Cicero's face. (That's for getting so far ahead of me in your post count!)

You're going home in a fucking ambulance!

Brianna comes to and promises anyone who can whip her ass a Hot Karl (but she's not really sure what that is---she only heard it on South Park and assumes it's a dirty, filthy thing to do)

Zen hurls the empty fire extinguisher through the window, closes his eyes and begins swinging wild, windmill punches, hooks, a few uppercuts. With his eyes closed he hasn't actually hit anything except furniture yet, but it's bound to happen, sooner or later.

Through sheer luck, Zen lands a punch on classicman who only now just wandered in, bucket in hand, looking for some fabled tupperware party.

POW!

classicman goes down hard on sundae's lap. Zen, thrilled with his manly display, takes on a buffalo stance and looks around. "You talkin' to ME?" he growls, shadow boxing. Lj gives Zen a melvin.

Suddenly, Wolf jumps up onto a miraculously unbroken table, brandishing an Uzi, sprays the room with gunfire above the level of everyone's heads and shouts, "Right! Don't any of your mutherfuckers fucking move a muscle!"