SHUT THE FUCK UP
 

My venting about my housemate's habit of babbling pointlessly at me in the morning was so well-received that I thought you guys might enjoy an essay I wrote a few months ago:

People like to talk, they really like making noises with their mouths. They talk talk talk all the fucking time, rarely saying anything of interest of value EVEN TO THEM, just fucking reading labels out loud or narrating the events around them "the dog is looking at me, oh man now he's going up the stairs, bye dog! I'm going to have a cup of coffee. There's a bird outside the window, oh nope he flew away. The sun is out today. Haha this bottle of syrup is funny! I think I'll read the ingredients..." on and on and on FOR NO FUCKING REASON other than that perhaps if they stop FUCKING TALKING their brains might switch on and they might have a moment of wondering what the hell all this is about, anyway, and what they're doing with their lives besides being another cog in the machine. Maybe if they stop talking the universe starts pressing in on them and they begin to become aware of how tiny, how meaningless, how insignificant, and above all how lonely they are.

Worse yet, their chatter infringes on any thinking anyone else might do, as well as triggering routine responses to complete fucking inane prattle that needn't have been said in the first place, more inane prattle, back and forth endlessly forever until they plunk their stupid vapid asses in front of some stupid fucking mind-wasting TV program, which they can then TALK ABOUT later.

Talking, talking, talking. I wish I could cut their fucking stupid tongues out of their hollow heads, but then you know what would happen; they would grunt and wave their arms around all the time, just to make a noise and get you to look at them, not caring that nobody understands. That's basically the same thing they're doing now.

SHUT THE FUCK UP.

If you try to tell them that you're not big on talking, that you like quiet, that you like being left alone, that you need peace so you can think, 99% of the time the fucking retard population that we call "humanity" will switch into autopilot and interpret that as the one possibility they're capable of understanding; that you need to be cheered up. So they amp up the painfully boring vapid narrative by trying to make it clever and funny, until you actually ARE in a bad mood and start fantasizing about hitting them with a hammer, over and over again, until there is only blood and pulp and fragments of bone. Because that's the only way you can make them stop. Even if you tell them, listen asshole, SHUT UP AND LEAVE ME ALONE, I HATE YOUR STUPID CHATTER, they will slink away all wounded for a couple of days, complain to all their friends about what a bastard you are, and then come back and try to make up. And as soon as you grant them any attention, any hint that you might not be about to punch them in their moronic flapping mouths, a smile or a bit of conversation or even just a moment of eye contact, they start again, talking talking without saying anything at all.

SHUT

THE

FUCK

UP

Stop talking.

Stop talking about some goddamn TV show

Stop talking about your cat

Stop talking about the weather

about what you're eating

what you see out the window

whatever

Stop... just stop.

As long as I'm attention-whoring, here's a reading I did for Youtube:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SdVm3Zy0wkw

The sound is off and it's not the best reading, but what the hell.

:crickets chipring:










but verrrrry quietly

http://jimhelm.net/resources/animated+STICK+STFU.gif

http://jimhelm.net/resources/Untitled.gif

Wow, I can really relate.

My daughter is a chatterbox. She doesn't talk all THAT much, but she has this annoying habit of reading things out loud to anyone who will listen. Cereal box? candy wrapper? Magazine article? The instructions to the homework assignment she wants help with? All must wait and sit pretending to be totally enthralled, hanging on her every word until she is finished or else she gets really pissy. And it's just much easier to wait till she shuts up.

I find this exceptionally annoying because I am not an aural person. I have told her many times that if she reads something out loud to me, I'm probably just going to have to read it myself anyway before I understand it. She's just wasting time. She does this because she likes to have people watching and listening to her. All. The. Time.

Still, I love her, I really do. :)

did any of you watch that video?

cuz damn

I can relate to the sentiments behind that essay. I've felt that way about a few people in my life. I'm a quiet introvert. If I'm honest with myself, the one or two people who drive me nuts with their chatter drive me nuts mainly because I already dislike them, and not because of the chatter itself. If someone I love and respect chatters, I just hear someone I love and respect talking about trivial things. It doesn't become annoying until it's someone that I already dislike.

Basically, I forgive the flaws of the ones I love, but if I hate you, your annoying habits will drive me insane.

:(

lesser extremes of that same effect effect us daily, in my opinion. if you're just pissed off at someone, things they say or do will piss you off more than they would have had you been lovin on them.

I think thats true of any of us. We all love the "little things" about someone that makes them unique and special .... till we are angry or upset at them. Then those same things are the most annoying of all.

Damn...someone is REALLY irritable...or easily irritated.

Yeah- very interesting:greenface

I have an aquaintance who is like this, I stayed at her house for a few days once and I felt like I was going to have a fucking nervous breakdown!! She literally never shuts up- ever. She has talked to me on the phone while brushing her teeth. She thinks that free weekend minutes are like free money and you have to use it ALL up because it's FREE!!! Same thing with every night after 9. And she has a whole string of people to call. She'll go right down the line from one to the other and stay on the phone ALL fucking day.

She talkes about everything and anything. Repeats herself a lot too.

Here is what 2 minutes at her house sounded like:

"Maybe I'll wear yellow under this, yellow is supposed to be a cheerful color, maybe that'll help my mood. Did you know yellow roses mean friendship? My ex gave me yellow roses one time and I was hurt because I thought it meant we were just friends. Speaking of the ex, you should see the coat he bought for his new girlfiend, she is such a- ANYways, OMG, my daughter is coming down tomorrow she'll eat me out of house and home, I better stock this fridge. Hmm, maybe I'll pick up some ground beef on the way home- can you hear me? What did you think of that movie last night? You know I try not to watch too much of that stuff because it gives me weird dream. OMG, I had the funniest dream last night, I dreamt that you got married to president Obama and you were on Oprah. Did you SEE Oprah last week?? The show about the homeless ferret? Can you hear me? Oh, okay, i just wanted to make sure you could hear me, I know this blowdryer is loud. My hair looks like crap, time to get it styled again. My hairdresser........................"and ON and ON and ON. I am NOT exagerrating- if anything, I am being conservative.

I stopped answering the phone when she calls. Now she just leaves 25 minute long messages that sound a lot like the above.

I FEEL YOUR PAIN.

I am free from this aggravation.

...or likes to express in writing ideas she finds compelling.

My mom does this kind of stream of consciousness prattling on a pretty regular basis too, but I know it's because she's bored and lonely and wants to justify what she did the whole day by sharing it with me, so she feels like she's being productive. So I just get busy doing chores while she's rambling, and interject the obligitory "mmm hmm" and "oh really" without actually actively listening. that way it deosn't seem to annoy me as much.

:p It would be kind of awesome if it actually had that effect... :lol:

:lol: That sounds like what I imagine Hell would be like! Damn. I'm sorry! I like the "Can you hear me?" part... :thepain:

Deaf? My friend Strawberry is deaf, I always thought it was fitting that she hooked up with the quietest guy in our friendcircle, but ironic that she's super-chatty. :lol:

what?

I havent been bothered by overly chatty people...either I havent encountered them or dont notice them.

Lots of people don't notice/aren't bothered.

:eek: I had to stop about halfway through it. Poor sheep.

Tiki, I hope that story was made up, because if it wasn't, every ounce of respect I might have had for you is gone.

I have been bothered by this and many other problems. This planet is full of them. But I find a way to rectify the problem rather than nurse a lifelong rant about it. If something is wrong.... fix it. If you don't want to fix it... shut the fuck up. You have a choice.

If you stopped halfway through, you missed the punchline.

I think "lifelong rant" is an oxymoron... most people write rants in order to vent something, or purge frustrations from a situation they have little or no control over.

Some people express themselves via writing essays, rants, short stories. Do you have a problem with that? Do you think it's wrong? Does writing a novel make someone a sick puppy? :headshake

How would a person "rectify the problem" of some people being incurable babblers? By shooting them? :lol:

I can't help thinking it's healthier to find a creative outlet for the frustration, like writing... but according to you, no one should write about a problem they can't personally solve? :3_eyes:

Do you have a door on your office? Or can you get a different roommate? Just my two cents, take 'em or leave 'em.

Different thread... This thread was a post of a rant I wrote a while ago, for shits and giggles.

But no, my office does not have a door, nor can one really be added for various reasons relating to structure and floor plan. This summer, after I finish the upstairs, my office will be moved up there. Hopefully.

http://www.bedbathstore.com/tenshowrod.html

Temporary cheap solution, fits any doorway and no one could mistake the message a closed curtain says or maybe you can embroider Keep Out on the outward facing side..... Leaves no marks and fully removable at any time.

That is actually a totally cute idea, and I've thought about putting up a curtain (I even bought the curtain for it, just never got around to putting up the rod - I bought these cute brass cafe curtainrod brackets and then misplaced them) but because of the floor plan, I don't think it will help - when we built the addition where my office is housed, I designed it with the assumption that my husband and I were staying together, and I wanted it to be fairly open to the house so that in the evenings, when everyone was home, I could use my computer/listen to music/read without being isolated from the rest of the family. All the bookshelves are in here, so it doubles as the library. It's open to the kitchen via a large, not-door-sized doorframe on one side, and the back door is on the far wall. To the left is my oldest daughter's bedroom door.

The room is impeccably functional as I designed it, with the assumption that I would be working in it when everyone was at work or school, and using it as recreational/open access space the rest of the time. I can even let the dogs in and out without getting up from my chair! I just failed to plan for contingencies like divorce. :lol:

Attachment 23122:D:D:D

I love that. :)

Glad you like it. It's one of my old favorite standbys.

GG Allin - Don't Talk To Me


Well I'm just sick and tired of talking on the phone
Sitting in your room conversing all alone
Talk, talk, talk, talk, talking about everybody else
But what you really rather do is talking about yourself, so...

Don't talk to me, don't talk
Don't talk to me, don't talk
Don't talk to me, don't talk You don't talk to me, don't talk

You don't talk to me
Not even a word, not even a whisper
Just button your lip!

You aught to have a case of bloody laryngitis!
We're sitting in a room with no one here beside us,
cause we're sick and tired of listening to your neurotic shit
Why don't you shut your mouth, stop acting like a twit

Cha cha cha cha cha cha cha cha chatter chatter chatter!

You talk to me all night, but I don't know whats the matter
When you yak yak yak yak yak yak yak yak yak yak yak yak yak!
I'd like to tie your hands and feet and put you in a sack!

Don't talk to me, don't talk
Don't talk to me, don't talk
Don't talk to me, don't talk
You don't talk to me!

----------------------------------

That being said....

Thank Jebus for rollover minutes.
I showed The Wife the bill last month.
My phone - 179 minutes.
Her phone - 3,743 minutes.

Yet, I get told I talk too much.

I live on a street where there are many, many cars and trucks and factories that pump and bang and grind all night and day. It is a miracle that I can write poetry or sleep or talk on the telephone or that my lover will visit me here. There is so much noise. Every few minutes a jet in comes in low or a prop job swings down like a kamikaze. There is an airport at the end of my street. The New Age people say that you choose all these things, choose the cars and trucks and airplanes, me and all of my neighbors. Well, maybe this is true, maybe we can't live without all this God damn noise. Maybe I need the noise to write poems, make love, and eat. I'm going to hang a sign out my window that says More Noise Please, or Thank You For Making Noise! Maybe we are the kind of people who need to have what we don't want just to get along, to do the basic things. Myself, I could not sleep last night and I could not close the window, either. I tried to tear the window out of its frame and put it in a closed position, banging and ripping with a hammer and a screwdriver, standing on the window ledge in my socks, three stories up. But the window wouldn't come out, the factory was screaming and the trucks were rumbling and the whole world was praying for silence and it was up to me to shut the window and I couldn't get it down. I was just making more noise. A jet went by and all the people waved. "Thanks!," I yelled as the shift changed without a lull in production at the big plant across the street. The workers lined up at the bus stop, watching me with my hammer in the window. I put sponge stoppers in my ears but I can't stand those things for more than a few minutes. Finally I put my head between two pillows. It is the same every night. I love it. I need it. "Without you I could not live! I would not have written this poem!," I yell, the window dangling half on, half off.

-Stephen Jesse Bernstein

Fuck off you irritating geordie noise machine

-Jesus

lol