Big Sarge Update (May)
 

I thought it was time to give you an update on the turmoil in my life. In the past year, I have been diagnosed with Lupus and Sarcoma. My ex cleaned out my bank account and ran away with another man. Plus, she took my baby to another state and I have only seen her once in 7 mos.

Due to the financial situation, I signed a waiver and will deploy to Iraq in less than 3 weeks. When I told everyone I was in MS, I was at the MOB Center training. The military only gave me 50% disability and I have to do something to get back on my feet.

My ex got married on Saturday. She sent me a wedding photo and a message saying my daughter doesn't remember me and thinks her new husband is her daddy.

When I asked for help in seeing some photos of my daughter that were posted online, I felt like many of you thought I was stalking. I only wanted to see my baby. Now it will be another year before I can see my child. Some of you my think it is selfish for me to deploy, but it was that or be destitute. Plus, the legal fees I have incurred in my fight for my daughter have been staggering.

I hope this clears the air and maybe some of you will understand I meant no harm when I tried to get help with the photos

Oh Sarge, I'm so sorry. Good luck and come back safely (and rich). I hope your ex sees the error of her ways soon.

Sarge - really sorry that you're going through all this. I wish you all the luck in the world for all your battles. Come back safely.

That is a very sad situation but I am surprised that the military would deploy anyone that has been diagnosed with cancer and an immune system disease. :eek:

There is a great deal you leave out of what you tell us, Sarge, nevertheless I hope for the best outcome for you.

Good luck to you. Please be safe.

It is hard for me to "bare my soul". BTW, I am cancer free. The Lupus is fairly stable, but I do have pain. As part of the waiver for deployment, I cannot use schedule II, III, or IV pain medications. I rely on tramadol.

As far as the ex goes, she has destroyed me emotionally. Have I mentioned I uncovered she was utilizing multiple online identities? She was doing cam shows and even meeting other men for sex. She posted her photos on adult web sites. She even posed in my law enforcement raid shirt (clearly marked State Agent) while using my Beretta as a dildo. She was even posing nude while pregnant. I had no clue.

When she left me, she took all of my household goods, my 2007 Pontiac Gran Am (which she traded in to buy a car for her new lover), and $26,900 from our account. I can't do a thing because I had joint accounts and both of our names were on the car title. She even forged 3 checks on my personal account after she left.

She has used my daughter as a way to inflict emotional pain. She is witholding visitation until I agree to give her full legal custody and primary physical custody. Yeah, when hell freezes over. She is using my decreased life expectancy against me. She is using my PTSD also, even though it only manifests itself in obsessive compulsive behavior. The Army ruled I am not a threat to others or myself.

Why does the Army allow me to stay? I have 22 years of experience in a critical MOS. I have a total of 5 deployments (3 combat starting with Desert Storm) and have even served as an instructor in my MOS training mobilizing units. The Army is giving me a rather nice office job on a major airfield, so I won't have to worry about kicking doors, etc. To tell the truth, I'm ready to hang it up, but I can't.

As far as my fitness as a parent goes, I have 3 other children (one bi-racial). I've been a Cub Scout Pack Leader, DARE Officer, GREAT Officer, and was even selected as Man of the Year for one of the largest cities in my state.

I know this is quite a rant, but I hope it better explains the situation. To tell you the truth, it has made me feel better to get this off my chest. BTW, I know some of the things sound incredible, but I am more than willing to email court documents to one of the moderators. I just don't want ya'll thinking I am the bad guy. The only thing I have left at this point is my reputation

Well now THAT is a CLEAR violation of the four rules of gun safety.

You are clearly dealing here with someone who grew up with some form of abuse and who wants to produce a lot of havoc in her life... the kind of life she grew up with. The other guy isn't the lucky one... YOU'RE the lucky one to get away from that shit. Who knows what kind of worse crap she would have inflicted on you, had she more time. The reason she left you is that you were too sane and normal for her.

I don't think you're the bad guy Sarge and this further detail shows it. Thank you for it. The truth shall set you free, you got 99 problems but a bitch ain't one.

Only nine hostile deaths in Iraq this month. It would be better if it was zero but your odds are improving as the country improves. Thank you again for your continued service.

I'm no lawyer but it sounds to me like you wouldn't have too much trouble winning a custody battle. Can't the Army furnish you with some legal support or refer you to a legal agency who can assist you on affordable terms?

Sounds to me like you have a mountain of evidence to support a claim for sole custody.

I hope you return safely from Iraq.

What UT said. Getting AWAY from her is obviously very painful, but also a good thing. She is not who nor what you thought she was.
Here is my 2 cents...

I would get documentation of everything ASAP.

1)The pictures/websites have to be copied. They will be worth an awful lot in a custody battle. PRINT OUT HARDCOPIES!

2)Ask the bank for actual copies, if not the originals, of the checks. (I got mine when needed in a VERY similar circumstance) The difference in the handwriting will be clearly apparent.

3)Lastly a copy of the car title, signed by her when the sale took place. Your local DMV office should be able to help you access this part.

Sarge,

I leave for Iraq sometime in the beginning of July. Let me know where you will be, I'll look you up. I will be hanging out around Balad. My Chew door will always be open amigo. The coffee pot is always on.

I'll be up the road at Q-West.

Both of you need to let us know how to contact you, send care packages... whatever.
PM me if you do not want that info to be posted on the interwebs.

I worked as a programmer at the Army JAG Corps for a couple of months. From what I recall, soldiers can get a lot of support from them. Much of it pro bono.

You said 'personal account'.
Hmm.. Check fraud doesn't look good in a custody battle.

Good luck with everything.

Remember, look unimportant. They might be low on ammo.

Good luck, Sarge.

Seconded! Best wishes to both of you.

Good luck with all of it Sarge. I'm sorry that you have to be re-deployed because of your financial situation.
With all of this woman's treachery, how can you be sure the child is yours?
I think it would be better for the child if it were yours, and you were able to get custody.

We did do a DNA test, but only to improve my court case. I really didn't care if I was the biological father or not. I love Addie (which is short of Adeline, the name of both of our great-grandmothers).

If it was me I would prefer to be combat assignable. But that's just me. OOOH RAH!

Oh, Sarge.

*prayers, prayers, prayers*

capnhowdy - I know what you mean but right now this is the best I can do.

I may not have typed that just right. I'm sure you feel the same as I. I am proud for your service, Sir. At any capacity you will better the security of our country. Make no mistake... I appreciate that.

Hey Sarge, don't forget we'll still be here, if you can get on the web.

Sarge...I really don't know what to say. I am shocked that somebody who has already served and paid a price for that service is now all but forced to return to danger to avoid destitution.

One day, I really hope, that our two nations learn the lesson of the value of our servicemen and women. You're worth more than this.

In the meantime... be well, and we're thinking of you. Come back safely. Whatever your ex may think, it's never better for a little girl not to know her real daddy. Keep in touch, Sarge, and all the best.

Take care, Sarge. Thank you, again, for your service.

I hope the custody stuff works out. You are a good dad for fighting for your little girl.

Hang in there Sarge. Sounds like you have a handfull. You should try to find some support groups for divorced dads, there should be a ton on-line, you can't be the first one to go through some of this as bad as it is for you now. Someone has been down this road before and should be able to offer support and advice.

You and RegJoe need to let us know how to send you some stuff and let us know what you would like. I have been depolyed plenty and it is always nice to get a letter or a package to keep you going. Good luck.

I'm in. I was there twice (1988 and again later (core dumped the dates)) in the Navy. I can help with a CARE package also.

Try JAG, they might be able to help. IMO, her case is mighty weak.

I don't want to put my name and unit out so much on the interwebs, I had kind of an aha experience at SERE school earlier this year with my name being on the net in various places.

Just an idea, Undertoad, would you mind being the custodian so to speak and disseminate my address to trusted members of the community?

I won't have a good address until mid July.

How about we pm you and you can send it to those of us personally that you choose to send it to.

Whatever you do, just let us know one way or the other.

I'd be happy to help out in any way.

'Supporters' could also send care packages and postage $$ to a trusted Dwellar to be forwarded on.

Good idea Pie.

Given that there are a number of currently, and likely to be, serving Dwellars; maybe we need a mechanism in place for us non-serving Dwellars to give them that kind of support, without addresses having to be disseminated too widely.

I'm happy to send letters, cards, even a photo (for Sarge ;)) if you let me in on the details. Care package, not at the moment, but I can perhaps slip some candy or nuts or a magazine in if it would be appreciated.

Things just suck. Saturday was my birthday and no one remembered. The ex & my baby came to Camp Shelby to visit her new husband. I saw them drive by and I had to go to the latrine and cry. I would have given her anything if she had stopped for 5 mins and just let me hold my Addie.

I think life would be so much better when I get in Iraq

Well happy belated Big Guy! Had we known....
Sorry to hear about the ex.

Sorry I didn't know, Sarge.
Make a fuss next year - we'll remember you.

Not much I can say about the ex.