Ok, you're dead...
 

Now what? What kind of funeral do you want?

Choose wisely, weedhopper. This goes on your permanent record. I'm torn between New Orleans-Style and Viking. Maybe I'll mix the two to come up with mine.

I wanna party.

No funeral. At all. There was damn little to say about me while I was alive; why would anyone want to talk about me when I'm gone?

Well, I wouldn't leave this world BEFORE my beloved, and, I'd not want to be a part of it WITHOUT her...

So, we'd be going, together, and, well...

Cremation. On top of one another. Tendons not cut.

Gettin' jiggy with it, all the way to the great beyond!

hmm. Don't like jazz, am not a warrior (Viking style only good for men!) and Elvis is okay in small quantities, but . . .

I guess I really don't care, except there should be food. And preferably, some games. (those who know me well will understand).

And no religion.

Call everybody I ever gigged with, have them bring their axes, rent a studio, throw a helluva jam.

All of me will be going to a medical school, except for any donatable organs. If anything is leftover, they can dump it in the trash for all I care.

[quote=TheDaVinciChode;602466]...

Cremation. On top of one another. Tendons not cut.

...QUOTE]

One last piece of ash.


;)

After donation and cremation, I want a celebration! then throw my ashes off Glacier Point when no-one's looking......

love the viking idea

You would. Bri, you can't go to Valhalla--you'll end up spending eternity serving mead to the warriors while they party. Bah!

and besides--where are you going to find a place to burn an entire ship? or bury it? or, for that matter, the ship . . .

or pyre. Do they even let you do that? or . . .

shutting up now.

:) you're so right! I would HATE that stuff!

Have to re-group here...maybe I just want to hang around and haunt?

I always tell my wife when I buy the farm, to throw a party and get laid. She blushes demurely and tells me to shush. Seriously, I don't think it really matters...not one bit.

PS..it matters what we do while we are alive.

Nitrogen frozen and trebuchet thrown into some wild place.

What to do with the useless dead meat? Really? Slingshot me into the sun.

'Toad - that's brilliant. Really sums up my day!

wait a minute, wait a minute.

No, it's NOT OKAY THAT I'M DEAD!

I want a full funeral, church, Masonic attendance, military honors and guards, the works. Horse-drawn caisson optional. A trucker funeral procession would be nice too.

Pie, when you pass on, the whole internet is going to be turned off for 48 hours in respect for the fallen alpha-geek.


Me? Don't really care at the moment. Funerals are not for the deceased, but are for the benefit of the families left behind.

So, at present, take me to the chop shop, re-use all usable bits, let medical students learn from the rest.

Just drop me off in the woods somewhere: the bears have got to eat too. ;)

That explains a lot.

PS: Jazz for me, the mo' the better - preferably free improvised.

If'n I lived in the US I'd want to go to the Body Farm.
I'd get more young, educated men looking at me in death than I ever did in life ;)

But, yeah. Donation & then as low key a thing as can be managed.
If possible, stick me in a wood somewhere, in an eco-friendly coffin. Or a hemp sack or whatever.

If the 'rents go first there won't be anyone to mourn IRL. I'd hope you'd raise a glass to me though.
Seriously, my bro knows to contact this place if anything happens to me.
Although I prefer to think of it as me having a brief spell in hospital with a dangerous-sounding but otherwise benign ailment. So I can come back and read all the lovely things you've written.

It's less fun if it happens after I die.

Funerals are for those left behind. So I'd want something they would like. Something tasteful, I suppose. I really don't give a shit myself. But donate my organs if you can.

I understand some people don't care what is done with "the body" after death - I'm talking the party part. Your body doesn't have to be in attendance. IRL, my body is going to the medical school. I won't be there, but I would love the jazz thing in my name - but it has to be in NOLA and it has to be led by a drunken Krewe and I'd like it to end at Marie LaVeau's grave in St. Louis cemetery #1. (at least that is where they THINK she is)

And so long as the body is still warm...


;)

Has to be Viking.

I'm Danish. Interesting thing about the Vikings. Viking in Dane actually means pirate. The Vikings were actually outlaw pirates. It was Hollywood that gave the Vikings their rough, rugged, heroic, womanizing ways that cool image. The Viking pirates were bloodthirsty ocean pirates. They would go to Monestaries and kill all the Monks, steal everything and leave. Wait a year or two and come back and do it all over again. The bad part was these Monestaries had no arms to defends themselves - they were Monks.

So... I'll do the Vikling "send me out to the ocean in a boat" thing. One request though... I want a haircut and a bottle of Old Spice.

you'd think after a dozen or so raids the Monks would've figured it out and moved or something. ? I'm certainly no expert on the matter; it's just a thought. :vikingsmi

Only the bad part for the monks. ;)

I chose Viking because I thought perhaps I could sneak some mead for myself and snag a hot viking man in the process...wait, I will be dead. Okay, no problem...burned with my warrior husband on a boat...I can deal with that.

All it would have taken was for the one that could un-lock the doors to move.

You know the old saying:

"Monk Key See; Monk Key Do"


HAHAHAHA!!! I Kill Me!

someone stop Sheldon before he hurts himself!

LINK to other traditional burials/cremations

for example:

I've been planning on Viking for myself for some time.

Lately, though, I and siswolf have been having hushed conversations regarding what to do about momwolf.

We know that we'll be cremating her, and she's continued to say she doesn't want anything to do with being buried in the family plot ... but then what? Scatter her? Split her into two boxes?

Many years ago I had a friend pass away and momwolf really liked the Native American ceremony that I described, so I may call on my friend to do the honors. siswolf has pretty much decided that she will pay for a memorial mass.

They can have my organs if I die soon enough, but I plan to live so long that my organs will be of use only to me. Otherwise, leave my remains for the coyotes for all I care. I hope they like to feast on mean old lady. ;)

Buddist Sky Burial.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sky_burial

How about the old eskimo ritual of just putting her on an ice flow and wave goodbye? This way you don't have to wait. :D

(I'm goin' to hell again)

Keep her in one box/urn, Wolf. Then have her spend six months with siswolf and six months with you.

My friend's husband brought back some of his dad's metatarsals from his funeral in Japan.


:eek:

Brother Timid, you must have faith. The lord will protect us.



Sheldon, that was awful. And Brilliant.

So, I'm dead. I don't care what they do. But if someone was paying me to create the best/most original funeral ever for someone I didn't give an emotional fig about.....

How about turning them into compost and giving each mourner a Gerbera Daisy planted in some of that compost. Of course, googly eyes would be lovingly glued to each flower.

Or...
like the Visible Human projects, freeze and thin slice them and give each mourner a framed slice..... or turn the slices into a new line of designer clothing and hold an auction at the wake...

chop up the body and hold a geocaching event to reassemble it for burial

Luxury Shark-fishing trip with the deceased as bait....

:lol2:

I'm with Pie on this one. No one really needs to say anything, and I would prefer if you didn't come up with some lie out of respect for the dead. I would like to be cremated, packed in a large fountain firework and set off. You know.....for the "children". ;)

I lilke honesty at funerals. I wasn't present, but I've heard the fllowing quote repeated from a funeral for an Australian Philosopher, Richard Sylvan.

There's a saying in India: "Dead men have large eyes." Someone in my family died some years back -- he was an utter asshole when he was alive. But he suddenly became the most noble, wonderful, heroic husband/father/son. . . what a load of shit. When my dad died, my mom and I agreed that we wouldn't do that to him. We still discuss his flaws and shortcomings to this day... as we sob out our grief and heartache at his loss.

I will care less, certainly, about what people say about me in my death than I care even what they say about me now.

I've said to my family "have a party. Open bar. People can, if they want, get up and say something funny I did, or something stupid I did, or just about anything." My brother then suggested since we had done all the planning we could set a date. That's how my family is: we find humor in things, in life, even in death...

I have, ever since I saw Nate's burial on Six Feet under, wanted a "green" burial. Dig a hole in the woods somewhere, throw my carcass in that hole, cover up said hole...then let the trees nourish or the animals feed. It really doesn't matter: "I" will be gone. It's all energy give and take anyway.

I have that to leave behind, if nothing else.

Finally someone defines that ever elusive "I"
thank you, thank you, thank you!!!!!!!

A good friend actually requested that we turn him to chum and go deep sea fishing with him (warped sense of humor, but he was completely serious) - We seriously considered it when his time came, but couldn't figure out how to do it legally.

Modified Viking for me ,
Creamate my dead ass ( Use what ya can ( CHaa RIGHT !!!))
Put my ashes in a straw hat ,
light said hat on fire and float me down the river ,(the folks that need to know know where I want this to happen ,)
Pop a beer and drink a toast to me .

Old friend of mine wanted to be cremated, and to have the ashes put into a lava lamp.

Was he high at the time? :blunt:

MB has suggested taxidermy before, but when I tried to confirm just now, he claims ignorance.

that idea has it's ups and downs...

I want a huge big deal funeral with tons of flowers (orchids), a hired chorus to sing dirges, hundreds of people crying all over the place... if some could manage to pass out from the sheer weight of their grief I'd really appreciate that...
The eulogies should go on for hours... I want my friggin kindergarten teacher telling everyone how wonderful I was, and then just keep going from there.
I want an Italian marble mausoleum, pink, and an extra plush, fur lined coffin. I expect several arrangements of fresh flowers to remain at all times. Forever.

::: starts another savings account:::

jesus

Dude, no worries, you're the first husband. ;)

i'm a lifer

"Get stuffed" was in fact a figure of speech.


These two statements are compatible. Sleeps soundly, Jim. ;)

Ok I'll pass out from grief. If I get out of the long hours of Eulogies!:)
Mark me down.