Locator Ovaries
 

Hockey moms were discussing lost items of kit and how they're always right there in the bag in front of the stinky child's nose, but it somehow magically takes mom to actually be able to see them...and a dad chimes in and says "oh it's your locator ovaries in action again". Apparently a term borrowed from some comedian whose name I promptly forgot. Anyone familiar with this routine who can tell me who that is?

So, I helped Thor (9) find his soccer shinguards yesterday -right there in plain sight where I said they would be and he said "you're so good at finding things" so I blurt out "yes, it's my locator ovaries". He's quiet for a couple of seconds and then says, "yes I can see how that would work. Because women are really good at finding things." :lol:

This probably should be in parenting, but then we all know parents have no sense of humor so who would answer the comedian question? :p:

No idea about the comedian, but I think my Dad has locator ballbags.
We always used to appeal to him to find things for us.
This was partly because of the way my parents responded to the news that something had gone missing:

Dad - Ask and you shall receive, seek and you shall find
Mum - If I find it I'll smack you with it!

My mom's response was always "What do I get if I find it?" (to which I started replying as a saucy teenager, "I'll keep loving you for another day,") but I like this one better.

You could take my old man, blindfold him, spin him around a hundred and three times, put him on a helicopter, drop him in the middle of the Uncompahgre National Forest, take off the blindfold, and he will walk, from nineteen miles away, straight to the tree from which he killed a deer in 1975.

Move the mustard six inches to the left or right, he ain't got the first clue where the mustard is.

But, he's my Pop, and I love him.

ETA: I guess the tree don't move around.

Sort of like the notion that mothers have eyes on the back of their heads. It took me a long time to figure out how true that really was. It was reinforced by watching my wife and my own kids to see it in practice. An amazing feat. Simply amazing. :)

?? Estimated Time of Arrival??

edited to add

ahhhhh ty sweetheart. i was talking to zip on the phone yesterday and asked him what it meant. he said what i said. then he quipped up "what do i know? i'm old!"

i lol'ed!

snicker

I thought it was just some fancy computer lingo type word that I didn't really get, like meta. I didn't even think of acronym! That's why I always use "edit:"

:facepalm:

*grins*


Oh well, anytime ya wanna know what the kids are sayin these days....ask someone else, cause I is way too old, ya dig?

Groovy daddy-o. Catch you on the flip side! :lol:

Aight.

See this is another example of why they shouldn't let old folks on here. Cnt undrstn da wrd. geez

Yo gots ta watch out fo' da po-po chief! he's picking on da elderly ag'in! what 'chew trippin foo'

Owwweeeee!

I still think "Locator Ovaries" is a character in Thomas the Tank Engine.

I think you are right. Especially the part about causing confusion and delay...

Homegirl can't find anything. I usually find it within seconds of looking for it in any of the places she has already combed. I remind her that if I ever go missing she is to ask someone else to look for me.

When I was in my 20s I acquired the nickname 'Mad Acid Homing Woman'.

My homing skills become preternatural with the addition of acid...

Too bad my fucking aching throbbing locator ovaries can't locate a fucking machine that will take my quarter and give me some product in return.

A sure way to die? Give a perimenopausal woman (no matter what my fucking male doctor says) who is hemorrhaging for the 2nd fucking time in as many weeks a couple quarters and send her on a wild goose chase around campus putting quarters in feminine hygiene product machines and have it rigged so when she pulls the knob on these machines that must have been made in 19 fucking 20 NOTHING FUCKING HAPPENS. Make sure there is a rooster-haired fucking big wig in high heels clomping around with her nose in the air so that said perimenopausal hemorrhaging woman can't beat the living FUCK out of that machine.

Seriously. If you're at all suicidal.

:mad:

Yeah, there you go. Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu...

I should feel better for having vented. I don't. I'm sure many of the women here feel my pain.

I'll give someone twenty bucks to rip out my female innards.

:hide:

Jack the Ripper might be able to help you for free! :eek:

Yeah, stay behind the couch 'cause I am in the throes of an anxiety-strewn hormonal attack! I LIKE you guys, I don't really want to hurt you!

:lol:

I'm not hiding, that's where I last saw the product machine... next to the remote control and the three dirty non-matching socks.

...oh, and the cat-puke, apparently. Goddamn furball machines.

You must be in touch with your feminine side.... ;)

Do men have packing testicals? I've noticed that men can pack more stuff into a space than women can. Like loading the car. Anybody else notice that?

You'll have to ask Sheldon about men's packing skills.

Now, back to ME and my GODDAM CRISIS.

RAWRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

purrrrrrrr

nuh-huh. I'm the car packing champ around here. Although beest ain't useless at it either.

I didn't fucking SAY you were fucking HIDING. :lol2:

snarl snort gnash

sheltering? :bolt:

I need a smilie where someone is pulling their hair out and screaming. Then a couple other smilies could come along and put the first smilie in a smilie straightjacket and haul it off to a smilie bambalance to take it off to a smilie Bellevue.

:nuts::speechls::cop::wheelchr::welcome:

You are the queen shit! LMAO!

Yes, men are packing heroes imho
Except my ex's. Perhaps I only ever attracted men unable to squeeze things effortlessly into tight spaces?
Wait, what am I saying?

Infi - get a form of contraception that stops you bleeding - stat.
Or get yourself sterilised. Although that's a bit extreme.

Was this a surprise visit from Aunt Flo?

'Cause I thought women kept those kind of things in their purses. At least Mrs. Z always seems to have twenty or thirty at hand.

:hide:

DID YOU MISS THE PART ABOUT 'FOR THE SECOND TIME IN AS MANY WEEKS?' HUH? DIDJA? HUH? WELL HUH?

(Sorry Pete, was I yelling?) :blush:

Over 40. Smoker. No contros pour moi!

I would love to have it all ripped out, but I think they'd rather you wait until everything is cancer-ridden before they'll do that.

I did miss that, sorry.

This sounds like non-standard behavior. Which means something might be going on. So you'll be making an appointment with your gyno, yes?

Can't it just be perimenopause?

I've been keeping track and it's all over the place, time-wise. I think it's just...old.

You're right. I should go see someone. I'm just (admitting I'm human, here) scared to death.

Might be. But you're still fairly young.

Go. See a doctor and be sure.

Pete, you'd make a good brother. Thanks. :)

Do you think he'd make one for me, too? I'd like mine made out of platinum.

Hush, you...I'm still waiting on my monacle.