Countdown to woodchuck rapture
 

According to the very ancient pyramidic scrolls and my Timex watch the woodchuck rapture could happen anytime between tonight and Saturday night.

Unlike regular raptures, the woodchuck rapture does not involve woodchucks floating into the air but rather sinking into the earth.

My garden is like freaking Fort Knox now. It's crazy. Hopefully the rapture extends a bit further South and includes all garden pests.

This morning, I was watching a bunny just feet from my garden, munching on clover, but it couldn't get past the multiple layers of security to harm my blueberries, tomatoes or peppers.

How much good could a goodwoodchuck good if a goodwoodchuck could chuck goodwood?

Your theory isn't grounded in reality.

Ground chuck?

What do you call a woodchuck with no legs?

Woodbob

With one leg? Woodskip

Hanging on a wall? Woodart

Woodchuck Norris?

Ground Chuck!


I spazzed out and put my target sighting in Garden 2011

My answer was better.

It may have been better, but it was still wrong.
cf:
What do you call a cow with no legs?
ground beef

What do you call a person with no legs?

Whatever their name is, you disability-fascist.

What's red and sits in the corner of the kitchen in a high chair?

A native American Woman Child
(From the feminist's book of jokes)

It was better because it was original, not some 40 year old joke. ;)

I'm messing with you dude. It was better because monkeys are funnier than feet. When you go to the circus, you don't see a bunch of feet riding giant unicycles, do you?

:lol:

OH yeah then why do they say "more fun than a barrel of feet"?
Huh? Smarty pants.

:lol2:

Ya got me there!

What you're reacting to as "funny" is the *combination* of monkeys and feet, and mistaking it for a "funny monkey". If you consider each independently, you'll see that feet are funnier than monkeys. Have you ever seen a monkey with no feet that was funny? No. Even the thought, the image of a monkey with no feet is UNfunny.

But, there are lots of feet without monkeys that are funny. Monty Python's title crushing foot, for example.

All monkeys have feet, but not all feet have monkeys?

Feet are slapsticky. Oh wait, so are monkeys. But monkeys can be taught to communicate. Feet don't do nuthin' they ain't gotta do to survive.

Monkeys are evil. They are never funny. Even something funny like Trunk Monkey is only funny because it's shocking how evil they are. The premise is funny. The monkey is not.

I bet you're scared of clowns too. :mad:

*flings feces*

See, that's something you never see feet doing. Feet NEVER fling feces. And flying feces is fucking funny.

but monkeys have more interesting accessories. Fleas beat bunions every time. You've never seen a bunion circus have you?

Reminds me of poor old Hector, thought it was a typo and monkey fling faces. He imagined them gurning at passers by. And passed this gem onto Thor too. They were quite disgusted to learn it wasn't a typo and moneys flung poo

http://www.odditycentral.com/pics/di...-his-foot.html

http://www.odditycentral.com/wp-cont...t-painter4.jpg

I prefer this

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedi...o_painting.jpg

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Congo_(chimpanzee)

(it's the rapture)

Painted by an evil monkey, I see.

So what you're saying is, they see no evil, hear no evil, and speak no evil but they are, in fact, evil?

yeah, 'cause what you can't see is they have frogs up their butts

Monkeys are not inherently evil.
Unlike clowns, clown dolls and ventriloquist's dummies (especially if they are clowns).

Monkeys of course are doubly evil with an eye gouging topping if they are dressed as any of the above categories.

Monitor alert! :lol2:

Rapture sighting in my garden 10 minutes ago, preceded by a brief 'crack' sound on an otherwise still, quiet evening.

I'm looking forward to the bbq pics.

It wasn't the real woodchuck! FFF is faking this to take attention off his birth certificate.

It turns out Yard's Mom was a US citizen so his birth certificate isn't relevant.

I neither confirm nor deny allegations relating to woodchuck rapture, rupture, capture, or maladapture.

There are known knowns, known unknowns, and unknown unknowns. If you question further the woodchucks will have won. Why do you hate America?

Because they wouldn't let me have a pony? Oh wait, that's my parents...

I've just acquired two new mole traps. When the mole rapture begins, I'll be sure to let you all know. motherfuckinsonofabitchinmoles. :mad2:

Get those stinking mole asses!

Have you been reading The Woodchuck Hunter, ft3?

Moles are a sign of good garden health, lots of worms, healthy soil... Why are you interested in removing them?

I want a .17 hmr

Impressive!

Out of curiosity I crunched some numbers relating to the values given in that clip.

The Formula for Kinetic Energy is EK=(1/2)mv²
the .22 is .0375Kg moving at 304.8mps
the .17 is .017Kg moving at 777.24mps

(1/2) .0375*304.8² = 1742 joules
(1/2) .017*777.24² = 5134 joules

So the .17 has nearly three times the energy of the .22!

One joule can also be defined as:
The work required to move an electric charge of one coulomb through an electrical potential difference of one volt, or one '"coulomb volt" (C·V). This relationship can be used to define the volt.
The work required to produce one watt of power for one second, or one "watt second" (W·s) (compare kilowatt hour). This relationship can be used to define the watt

All fixey.

Word!

So with .17HMR, your family joules would be much larger? ;)

You ever seen what they do to a lawn? :eek:

Seriously, there are gigantic piles of dirt all over the freakin' place. Not only does my lawn look like a bomb site, the molehills make it damned hard to mow...

*sigh*

Fuckers can dig about 100 feet of tunnel (with corresponding molehills every 2 feet or so) per day. It doesn't take long to destroy my once gorgeous yard, and if you don't kill 'em, they keep making more. Constantly (moles never hibernate and they make babies year 'round).

ARRRGHGGGHHH!!

Last year, I got this 9-incher with my trusty Mossberg.

http://imageshack.us/m/585/6384/img0635u.jpg

Be vewwy, vewwy quiet....

OK.

I make it a policy to yield to armed, angry women.

I think we probably have widely different attitudes about lawns. Happy hunting!

:D Not much gets me as riled up as a mole shredding my lawn. Once upon a time, it looked like this:

http://imageshack.us/m/860/8643/afterpix0003.jpg

Now? Not so much... :sniff:

That's a pretty lawn, Glinda.

(is your sidearm holstered?)

...

It also looks like endless work. Nature just doesn't make space like that. I can't afford a greenskeeper, and I don't want to be one. But I admire the work, just beautiful.

Nine inches? That's no mole,

Thank you!

No sidearms. Just my faithful Mossberg. My tenant (lives in a 5th wheel on my land) has a few guns, but he leaves the mole killin' to me. ;)

Oh, it IS endless work, but it makes me happy. It's my first yard - lived in apts and condos since I was 18 (and I'm olllllld now). When I decided it was time to ditch city life, I bought a place on 1.14 acres just north of America's Vancovuer *, and went nuts with lawns and rose bushes and fruit trees and berry bushes and veggie beds and, of course, chickens (I've SO turned into my mother).

By the way, that's only the front lawn. There's a side and backyard lawn too... :eek:

Am I crazy? Yes. Yes, I am. Isn't that why we're all here?!?


* You're in Seattle, right? If you ever get down this way, give me a holler. We can get the grill going, make a nice fire in the fire pit out front, have a few cocktails, tell a few stories, and wait for the moles to show themselves. Yee-HAW!! :D

That's what SHE said! :sweat:

3 for 3 at Rancho Chuckles.

2 hogs
1 bunny

Yer deadly !!

you'll have enough to make a coat soon

Bunny? You shot Lola Bunny?

This one's gonna be a drum head.
Though I was tempted to make a bag after seeing this video:


I'll tell you though, the fuckers stink! I did have to leave this one set out in the heat for an hour or two before I could get to it. Mrs. Foot was giving the kids a bath and I saw it out the window.

They were in the next room and didn't even say "What was that sound?"

damn thing is quiet.

I had to wait till everyone was in bed, it would have been too exiting right before bed.

I'm out of the closet, so to speak, as far as family public opinion is concerned. "Every man for himself and God against all"

So I just went out with a flash light and bagged it and put it in the freezer while I decide how I want to skin it. The fur is supposed to be shit, but the leather tough as nails. The fucker is well stinky, I ain't eating that shit.

not Lola, I may have shot her a come hither look, but that would be it.

:mad::facepalm:

Shit piss fuck

I cannot believe I missed!

Too impatient. Shit Piss and Corruption.

3 for 4