Baby, Middle, Big
 

Anon's Goodnight thread got me thinking.

I am very close to my brother. He's six years older than me and as such has always been in my life. I have no experience of being the only child. My experience of childhood was always that of the baby of the family. It seems to me that this is an intrinsic part of who I am as an adult. It's part of my identity: I am a little sister. I wonder, how much a part of Martin's identity is being a Big Brother.

These labels, to me, seem imbued with great significance, putting into words an essential fact of my existence.

So, what I want to know is, how important is your place in your family structure? Are you the baby of your family? Are you the eldest, the Big Sis, or the Big Brother? Are you a middle child, both a little sister/brother, and a big sister/brother? Do those labels mean anything to you?

I am the quintessential middle child. i.e.: all round scapegoat, screw-up, overachieving under-achiever, criminally-inclined and self-sabotaging.

Baby, I was born that way. I'm good at being bad. ;)

I'm the Martin of my family, the eldest of six, the one our parents got to practice on so the rest could have an easier upbringing and my siblings haven't forgotten that.

I can relate, Bri!

I've always been fascinated by birth order, probably because there was an article about it in my Dynamite! magazine. ;) Recently I checked a book out of the public library on the subject.

My older brother is a year and a half older than I am. My younger brother is 8 years younger. I am the only girl, and was born on my dad's birthday.

So I look at who "I" am and I think it was shaped by birth order/only girl status. At once a bit spoiled (girl) yet fiercely independent, I'm all sorts of extremes.

As most of you know, I'm very close with my family. We adored my younger brother from the second he was born, still do. My older brother and I are very very close. He is my rock. He is so obviously the oldest: the one you can count on, the one you can lean on. He had struggles but he has always been a winner.

My younger brother is amazing: he's always seemed so self-assured, and he's so likeable.

So, too, I compare. I will always think myself as different from my brothers (besides the obvious ways): plagued by a dichotomous mind. They seem more at ease with who they are.

I wouldn't trade a minute of any of it. :)

(side note: my mom lost two babies, both boys. One would have been older, one younger. Still would have been the only girl/middle child.)

Similar for me. My brother is 5 years older than me. My parents wanted 4 kids, but there were a couple of pregnancies that never reached term for various reasons in between him and me and mum wasn't 100% healthwise while pregnant with me. My brother got all the calmness. (If it weren't for the physical resemblance and the unmistakable similarities in voice with other family members, sometimes I would wonder where he came from). That, probably more than anything, is why he seems older. He's always calm-mostly, not necessarily always useful, but non-volatile and wise and because of that, people overlook his disorganisation. I'm the one who's got their paperwork in order, pays their bills on time and gets back to people. He doesn't, but it doesn't phase him and that seems to be the key-I, on the other hand, worry about pretty much everything, except packing up everything I own and moving countries repeatedly. I think our parents wish that we had each other's good qualities and none of our own bad ones.

My parents had 4 kids in 5 years, I'm the youngest. I've always had to fight to be taken seriously or to be noticed. My oldest sibling, a brother, is undoubtedly the leader, and the next oldest, a brother, is the Brianna of the family, always in trouble. My sister is 3rd oldest, and my mother called her Queen B, probably for more than one reason.;)

I'm the baby of the family. My brother is 4 years older and my sis is 2 years older. It is a big part of who I am. I was ignored somewhat because my older bro and sis where attention whores. They talked so much, I didn't even bother trying to get a word in edgewise until I was 3. Unbelievably I was the good, quiet child who never gave any trouble, when I hit adolescence I rebelled pretty hard. I think it was backlash from all the years of bottling up my emotions. Still, I worshiped both of them though at times and still seek their approval and acceptance. If my sister hadn't done so well in school, I might not have been driven to try to match her. If my brother hadn't been such a troublemaker, I might have been less of one myself, but since I had his example to go from I would always say "Well, at least I'm not as bad as Nick."

Take a guess ;)

Same here.

At least you were the only girl Infi.
My sister was my maternal Grandparents' first Grandchild, and obviously a beloved first baby for my parents.
My Dad's family had been all boys, who begat boys. So she was very precious to her Uncles and paternal Grandmother.

Then me.
Another one.
Loved and cherished I'm sure, but never quite as special. From as long ago as I remember we were lumped together as "the girls" except she got the new clothes and exciting new experiences (like going to school first).

And then my little bro.
Who I hated for years. And yes, I do mean hated. Not every single second of the day, but at least once a day. He was the son and heir, the baby of the family, the first Grandson on Mum's side, the youngest Robinson on the other.

I get on with my bro so well now, have done for nearly 20 years. I don't see myself as his Big Sister in many respects, because he is so together and so sorted. I do still sometimes see him as my Little Brother though - if that makes sense - because I've been round the block so many times and experienced a lot he never well. I wouldn't really advise it either.

I'm certainly not a Little Sister. I'm not sure I ever was, being so close in age. Also I was far braver than her - she wouldn't go anywhere or do anything without me. And she barely treats me as a member of the family now, let alone a sibling. I honestly think she'd be nicer if I was a lodger here.

This picture about sums up my relationship with my siblings. I'm the 2nd oldest and I'm on the far right in this picture. We're all kind of doing the same thing, but I'm off doing it it my own way by myself.

You're not bad, you're just drawn that way.

I'm an older sister to a younger brother. I was the good, responsible, smart one who made the good grades and did everything right, and he's the malcontent, irresponsible slacker who still lives with my mom at age 27.

Growing up, we knew exactly which roles we filled. We joked that mom liked my brother better, but that was okay because dad liked me better. Our parents denied it the few times they heard us say this in earshot of them, but we knew (and still know) that it's true. I often felt bad for him, because people would always say versions of "why can't you be like your sister," and I knew that must suck. There were also plenty of times I resented the fact that my mom continuously gave him anything and everything he wanted and never made him get a job or take any kind of responsibility for himself. Overall, I mostly see him as a product of his environment, so I don't blame him for who he is, and I enjoy spending time with him, but we're distinctly brother-and-sister, not friends.

Really interesting stuff guys. Funny how the different family permutations during childhood have such an effect on identity later on.

That is a truly amazing photograph. Absolutely perfect in every way. and your description of it is poignant.

Yeah. That photo, and the explanation of it really stuck in my mind.

My parents had three kids. My older brother died when he was five, then there was me, and then my younger brother.

I've always been the fuck up of our family. Not dumb, but just never seemed to make the right choices, especially when I was younger. My younger brother is a qualified medical professional who is currently making a killing (to the tune of 30k/month) on the stockmarket and has the big house and all the toys and investments. He's the golden child for sure, except he and his wife can't concieve a child and he's pretty screwed up emotionally. We're not mates, but we love each other and spend time together as much as possible with our vastly different lifestyles.

I don't know if birth order has anything to do with that, but I think we're both blessed in our own ways. We have different priorities and world views and always have. Probably always will. Makes for some interesting dinner table convos anyway.

eta: I should add that my brother has always been concerned about what people think about him and has measured his success in financial terms. I on the other hand have always considered my inter personal relationships to be a marker of my successes. I guess that's where our differences spring from, because I really don't give a crap about status symbols. As long as I can feed, clothe and shelter my family I'm happy.

I was, for some years, the fuck up of the family :p Though my family were kind enough not to point that out.

I was always the academic one, and the writer. Martin had wisdom and art. I think he was probably born wise, because I cannot ever remember a time when he wasn't. He was also the brave one. Loved his death defying activities (potholing, climbing,diving, parachuting, paragliding etc). He didn't lke the college environment, so went into working with his hands (building trade, joinery and plastering). Over the years though he has educated himself past the levels of most people with a degree. There aren't many topics that he doesn't know something about. He reads about all sorts of scientific stuff. A lot of which goes over my head. Someone I'd honestly describe as an autodidact.

He's extremely competant. At pretty much everything he does. I am the scatty one. If I can't do something, I'll give up quite easily and look to someone else to do it :p Technical stuff, I mean. Martin will just quietly work it through until he has it figured out. As an adult most of his work has been design type stuff. He and my ex had a design house, designing products for the counter-culture. Now he builds dry stone walls and does garden landscaping and whatnot.

Growing up, Martin was my hero. I adored him. That's not to say we didn't occasionally drive each other up the wall, but for the most part I adored him and he indulged me. Consequently I was something of a tomboy. I wanted to be doing the things he was doing and followed him and his mates about. Bless them they were pretty good about it and mostly were happy to let me tag along.

It's funny watching the girls now. There's a 4 year age difference and Meels is a really good Big Sister to Soph. She really goes out of her way to do fun things with her, and involve her in stuff. They're very good friends. Even now, with Meels aged 17, in college and with a boyfriend.

I posit that that is why you are so "together" and not a typical female wreck - your father liked you.

Funnily enough, I always got on better with dad than Martin did as kids. Dad was much stricter with Martin than with me. Second child syndrome, he'd relaxed a bit by the time I came along. Martin was calm enough that dad's gruffness bounced off him. I just didn't believe the grumpiness.

And DanaC proves my point!

My dad hated me. He threw me out and I sued him for financial support.....

Yeah, but you had a solid relationship with your stepdad, didn't you? Maybe that filled the need.

nope. no relationships with any stepdads whatsofucking ever. My only official stepdad was old enough to be my granddad. but I didn't live with her for a long time before she married him.

eta, I heard from the guy who posted here that I have a new stepdad..... but I haven't been in contact with my mom for 10.5 years

I don't know why, but I find the image of a "new stepdad" very amusing. I picture him with price tags--but discount ones. :lol:

so....
let me tell you about him...


because I do actually know him...


no, there isn't enought time.....


:lol:


The report i got was that he wheeled her up the aisle in a wheelbarrow. I have no reason to disbelieve this

This is pretty much exactly how mine is.

I find this topic fascinating, also.