Danger Will Robinson! Danger!!
 

Well most of you remember the saga of my ex. She's the girl who ran off with another man while I was hospitalized and I wasn't able to see my daughter for a year and a half. She broke my heart and yes, I'm still hurting.

She's separated from her husband and is being very friendly. Part of me is willing to give in. The other says I need to run like hell. What do you think??

put on the panda suit and go hide at the zoo

run
don't look back

I'd be pretty cautious if I were you sarge. Maybe she has changed. Parenthood can do that, but I'd be taking it very slowly.

Stay away!. She's just looking for a safe haven until she finds another one.

Sundae will kick your ass

you already know the answer

I think we need to review your security clearance.

This ...
but more importantly -

RUN !!!

Dear Sarge

I'm divorced. I have kids. My ex-wife and I, well, there was plenty of drama. Filing for divorce, restraining orders, living separately, living in my car, reconciliation, living together, refiling for divorce, plus a lot of drama, a lot of tears, a lot of damage.

I read your opening post and I can confidently say that there's no harm in being friendly, if you can do so safely. The safety of your kids' and your own mental health is what I am talking about. Being friendly's fine. But making commitments based on friendliness is not a good idea if her ACTIONS and her history don't match up.

Ever have a perp act friendly? I bet they can be reaaaal nice, especially when they're in a tough spot, and you have the power to make their life easier. Reformation is possible, rehabilitation is possible. But you know those fundamental changes in a person take strenuous and sustained effort. Only you can decide if the work has been done to make those changes possible.

Until you have good reason to believe the changes have already happened, you have a greater obligation to protect yourself, and protect your kids, because *no one* else is going to do that for you. If it's real, it will last. If it's a limited time offer, well, like those others said, you already know the answer.

Yours,

?????


you'll need some make-up to try and pull that off.....

Ya'll are right. If Sundae lived closer & this wouldn't even be crossing my mind.

I'm late, but ... what everyone else said.

Before you make up your mind, read Jim's motorcycle thread.

OMG, I'm stuck in an infinite loop!!!!

Cross-threading!

What he said.

Come live with me and be my love
And we will all the pleasures prove...

Then again, that was written from the point of view of a shepherd.
And it may have been addressed to a sheep.

And I may be Lady "Rogue" Singleton.

But then again, I've just been to see Much Ado About Nothing. So I know nothing is impossible. At least if it's nothing you seek.

Sorry - whimsical mood.
You know I'd love to meet you.

But apart from that - what Big V said. Friendly is fine, friendly is great. You have children together. You had a relationship for years. Thatt's really important.

Just be careful of yourself as in look after your feelings. If it turns out she loves you, she can wait a while for you to work things out. It's not all-or-nothing-right-now. At least it shouldn't be. That way madness lies.

I know you've been lonely and I know it's shitty.
I also think you've worked too hard for what you have to let someone else take control. Sergeant!

Go ahead, be friendly, but don't let her move back in.

What they said. Go through the courts and get visitation/custody rights. Otherwise, have NO contact with the Ex. Ex's do not change. They merely try out new disguises.

I'm with the rest. Don't let crazy back in.

That goes into my collection of lore.

Sarge, the only reason no one has threatened to come over there and slap you up the back of the head is that we know what happened to Belly-Rub Guy.

^^^ wut he sed ^^^

thanks guys. i'm trying to be strong. i do have my visitation rights after that long custody battle.

Keep those visitation rights safe by not making things complicated with the Ex. What if you get close again and she decides you've done something craaazay and takes you to court again?

Stay away... If things turn bad and become a he said-she said, you may jeopardize your visitation.

Just to reiterate what I'm saying - I'm not saying stay away, or she's a witch, or get rid.
It's easy to judge people I don't know, and you admit you put at least some pressure on the relationship in the past.

I've read posts from more than one Dwellar in a bad situation; things go from tricky to absolute FUCK as soon as lawyers become involved, and they get involved at a very early stage in the US.

I'm saying take it slowly.
I experienced love past the rollercoaster hormonal stage once in my life.
In the end I honestly believed it wouldn't work and I'm still 85% sure of that, because he was a wonderful man I just didn't find physically attaractive.
My regret at marrying him haunts my dreams.
I did the right thing, but I still suffer now wondering if I could have faked enough to make it work.

What a shitty thing to do to a man.
But he'd have accepted it at the time.

I'm not saying give her another chance.
I'm just saying you shared a hell of a lot, and will always be connected via your children.
Be open to giving yourself another chance.

Keep in mind that some States (check yours) allow spouses to sue third parties for alienation of affection. Even a legal separation may not preclude the action if one of the spouses claims to be pursuing reconciliation. Should this be the case in your State, avoid behaviors that give even the appearance of intimacy like allowing your ex to RON and public displays of affection (incl. photos taken in privacy that could be made public) until she is divorced.

Moment of weakness. I'm thinking with a clear head now. I'll just secretly lust after Sundae and Lola Bunny.

Hey, don't be secret!

Which one? :p:

Now, hold on there Champ. We need a batting order here. You lust after Lola on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays. I'll lust after Lola on Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Saturdays.

We'll give her Sundaes off.

:D

LOL. Good idea. I sure wish some of these beautiful women from the cellar lived near me

Sorry, but the proper punchline was "She'll be getting Sundaes off".;)

Sorry...


Who gets Sundae off? Big Sarge, of course.

/comedy grammar clown

I messed up. I went to pick up Addie & Cassie decided to meet us. We spent the afternoon together & I even bought her cowboy boots & a new hat. I am so fucked

I don't know you or the situation, but as I was reading the thread I was glad you took the advice of others and didn't go for it. I mean, what kind of person leaves another person while they are hospitalized?!! But then I just saw your last post. All I can say now is, I wish you luck.

cassie is your ex, addie's mom? or your other daughter?

Cassie is my ex, the mother of Addie. The same girl who left me while I was hospitalized.

I 'll try not to let my guard down again. I know she is really just playing me

Maybe that's why you're not picking up my calls? Okay, big guy, I won't call you anymore. ;)

lola - i'm sorry i missed your calls. if i talked to you and sundae more often i might not make so many stupid mistakes

Call me right now then!

FTR, I always assumed your childer had the same mother.
It doesn't really make that much difference I suppose, just that it throws a different light on her behaviour (one child instead of four).

Don't even try to beat yourself up about buying the mother of your (child?) something.
Be who you are. That's it.

Yes, Cassie is the mother of Addie. Cassie is 26 years younger than me and is the one that left me for another soldier while I was in the hospital. I spent a couple of hundred on her & Addie at the feed store buying boots & hats. I had a good time & we didn't even shake hands. However I know I am flirting with extreme danger.

Louis & Elizabeth are my children I had with Susan. We split because I rejoined the military after 9/11 knowing I was going to deploy again. She had gone through Desert Storm with me & felt like I was abadonning our family for the Army. She would have taken me back after I got back from the first tour but I was buck wild chasing young stuff, drinking, and getting tattooed. LOL

Bryanna is not my biological child. She is Native American and never knew her father. I am friends with her grandparents & just took over the role. Her mother has problems with prescription meds & when I worked narcotics it really pushed me into Bryanna's life.

I know it is easy to get all of the baby mommas confused, but this is just a brief reminder of whom they are. Biological or not, they are all my kids and I love them dearly!! It is the baby momma drama that drives me nuts!!

I respect you even more now Sarge. Wow. Thats a LOT to keep track of and handle.

BMRRU logo should be a ball gag and/or striaght jacket.

Stupid question - I know I'm not much to look at, but why can't women look past that and see me for whom I really am?? I know I come off gruff a lot of times, but I think when people see me with kids my real side comes out. I know this sounds pitiful, but why can't I meet someone special like Sundae or Lola Bunny? I'm so tired of being sick & alone

Maybe you're looking at the wrong people. I don't know anyone's status here, so forgive me if I'm speaking out of line, but if you really like Sundae or Lola Bunny, then why don't you meet up with one of them and see what happens?

Sundae is my dream girl. My true fantasy, but she lives in Great Britain and is liberal while I'm a gun toting southern boy. Lola Bunny is cute as a button, but comes from a traditional family that I just don't think they'd be too receptive of a jewish soldier/cop. LOL

Most of the women I meet are at the jail in handcuffs. I really think it's hard to start a meaningful relationship that way.

1 -- not a stupid question. it's one I wrestled with and do sometimes still find baffling when my girlfriend smiles and swoons and focuses (positively) on my appearance. I know what you're talking about Sarge.

2 -- let me change your question a little bit... from "women" to "a woman". It just takes one man. Which one, and where is she, those are good follow up questions, but let's not get ahead of ourselves. It just takes one man. Never mind "women", just one will do ya. And finding that one is absolutely possible, you've already met a number of them, not including SG and Lola. Did they not see you for who you really are? I say this is not some impossibility. It has happened, and can happen again.

3 -- all the rest, gruffness, how you are with children, etc etc. sure. I'm down with all that. You can meet a special woman, you can. And there's not just one how, there are lots of ways, all of which require your active participation, plenty of patience and perseverance. Have courage!!

then what? you snip it off?

Heh.

Tha's a typo. "It just takes one man." should read "It just takes one woman."

Thanks for pointing out my error and giving me a chance to correct it.

twice?

every time.

I assumed it was missing punctuation. "It just takes one, man."

huh.

now that I see your post, I think that was what I was saying, literally out loud, but not typing.

I think the meaning is clear, the point is that he's not gonna get "women" to lurve him, but if he can get one "woman", he'd be good to go. That's less impossible, eh?

I'm somewhat worried about the quotes you put around woman. What kind of woman-substitute are we talking about here?

FTFY ;)