I've been back to the nuthouse...
 

These past few months have been difficult for me as you may know. I've been going downhill since before I lost my job and then after I lost it, things have just been piling on.
Last Wednesday I attempted to take my own life with sleeping pills. My mom found me before too long and called 911 and I was admitted into an in-patient care hospital. I was released yesterday, but I'm continuing treatment through day hospital for about another week. That means I go every weekday from 9-3 and attend different types of support groups and see my psychiatrist. I do have a positive outlook now, I'm taking meds as prescribed and I'm cutting out alcohol and weed completely.
My diagnosis hasn't changed from last year, they still think I am bipolar and have an anxiety disorder.
Anyway, if any one was wondering what was up with me, thats it.

Daym Moar !!!!!! Get betterer Damb it !!!!

:redcard: infraction! You are not allowed to OD without checking with us first, and filling out forms Cellar 1-A, and Cellar 1-B, which may only be obtained from UT or the Mods, in person.

So do what the shrink says, and lets have no more of that shit.

Glad you're OK... at least on the road to OK. ;)

Thank your mom for us.

I hope you can find an end to the suffering that drove you to that place. One that will see the sun rise the next morning. Stay in the moment, honey. Dont dwell on things past or future.

And, please, next time you feel like you need help, tell us. We are your real life imaginary friends, and we love you.

Smoooooch.

I don't know what to say, but :comfort:

What the rest have said: Goddamn Moar. I hate the thought we nearly lost you.

I was worried when you last posted about you stopping your meds. Not sure if that was anything to do with it (causal or symptomatic). But please, sweetie, be careful. Do everything, starting and stopping meds, with medical advice. The world needs more Moar not less.

Glad you're ok and have help. Come rail at us when things get shitty.

Do we have to whack you on the nose with a rolled-up newspaper? Cut that shit out.

Welcome back, Moar, in every sense. Please sttay! X

Sent by thought transference

It sounds like you're feeling better now, so I'm grateful for that. Give your mom a huge hug from all of us. I know she drives you bats at times, but she loves you and so do we.

What everyone said.

It's hard work, getting better...but you're worth it Moar. We are always here to talk to.

I'm glad you got help and are taking your meds. We care about you moar, and want you to do well. I hope it gets easier.

Let every day be different and embrace even the small lessons and gifts that come to you.

Glad to hear that you are doing better. Keep up with the partial, yes, it can seem like a drag, but it will enhance your opportunity to succeed.

Be well.

Thank you all for the kindness. My mom has received many hugs and kisses on the cheek. She, my dad and I are still working out some of the issues between us but they seem willing to get some education on my disease and what they can do to help. I had a good day in therapy and even feel like I had a bit of an epiphany about how I need to set up my own internal boundaries to the things they sometimes say that I take to heart.

Glad to hear that things are progressing. Keep going, just take things a bit at a time.

*gives moar a big hug*

You're on a good path, hon. It ain't easy but you are teh awesome and you can do it!

I'm glad you're ok mtp. It's a terrible thought that you've been feeling so dark. Your situation reminds me a lot of my friend with bipolar. One of the hardest things she found was dealing with her parents. she always felt that didn't know what was best for her etc, and that they were just sticking their noses in where they weren't needed.

Many years later, she's realised that without their help she'd have been dead a long time.

It's good that you're talking with your folks. It's the best thing you could do.

Incidentally, my friend has been (mostly) happily married for about 15 years now to a man who's been with her through thick and thin as far as her illness goes.

You can have a happy ending too mate. Don't even forget that. xxx

MTO the old saw, "You can choose you friends, but not your family".

Yes, best case you can cultivate a social circle that doesn't grind on you, will give you the space you need, but ideally will be there if you need a hand.
Yeah, that's only in novels and Matthew McConaughey movies, but it is a good target to shoot for.

Family is tough, not only because you're stuck with what you have, but they feel they have the right & duty to fix your life the way they think it should be.

I found that although I couldn't choose my family(other than changing inlaws;)), I could choose the ones I only wanted to see at mandatory functions like Christmas vs see when I had the chance.

Of course I had to cope until I was in a position to support myself and put some distance between us. If it's more than an hour's drive they can't say, "Well, I was in the neighborhood..."

The point is you can do this because it's not permanent, and the better you get, the more you can help yourself get your head into an even better place.
Would I lie to you... if it didn't involve money or sex.

But you tell such good lies about money and sex...

Be well moar. I think Jim said it, try to stay in the moment.

Y'all have all said good things. I'm really benefiting from therapy and the doc said that they should be able to discharge me on Wednesday! I just need to find a therapist for follow ups but I should be able to keep seeing the same psychiatrist I've had since being in-patient which is good.

Excellent, you're on your way.:thumb2:

*moar hugz*

thank goodness for some good news. I know you can do it mtp. You know it too. go get'em tiger.

Well the past few days haven't been great and I did have a terrible dream last night and woke up saying, "Please Jesus don't let it take over us!" I thought I was holding Della and there was a poltergeist chasing us. Anyhow, I have a therapist appointment for tomorrow and I'm looking forward to having a good week, maybe I'll even find a job.

So saw my therapist Monday and all went well. She said I seem like an interesting person and she's looking forward to working with me. I'm sure she tells a lot of people that, but it still makes me happy.
Saw my psychiatrist today, nothing really new there, just keep up with the medicine regimen.
Seeing my endo later today and a gp for this illness. Despite the illness, my mood is pretty stable. I'm just bored without a job.

A little update, I think my trazodone (sleeping pill) is causing me to have nightmares. It is not good cuz then I don't want to sleep when I wake up from one sweating and shaking. They are very vivid.

Can you ask to have it changed?

I'm going to have to limey, I can't keep going on like this. Problem is, my next appointment isn't until next month, so I'll have to call the office. Its a bummer because I just filled the script too, now all those pills and money I spent are waste.

Can you not get a refund if the drugs aren't right for you?

I've never asked, but I'm pretty sure you can't. I'll call my brother and ask though, he should know since he used to be a pharmacy tech.