There's Lumberthing I don't want to tell you
 

Ripley committed suicide tonight.

It's to late at night to call my family and tell them this. You guys....

I don't fucking know

I don't know what to do.

I'm sorry

She's not going to get better. She's not sick. She was fine. Now she's dead.

She decided to die. To not be alive anymore. I saw her dead body. She drank sodium nitrate.

Why?

She was going to a concert. She showed us a video montage of her group of friends at college. We talked about her having those friends for years to come, and how awesome it was that she had this video to look back at when they got together. She...

I didn't know her well enough

Sorry. Give me a couple days

I'm going to sleep now. When I wake up, I want this to all be a bad dream.

DUDE !!!!!!!

OMG.

I'm so sorry Jim.

It's still true this morning?

God

wow...that's awful, man
 

I don't know who Ripley is: your daughter?

Henry, she's his daughter.

Holy fucking shit. I'm so sorry, Jim. I'm so sorry.

glatt
 

yeah, I thought that was it...jeez, but this is a rough road for them

##

I'm gonna light a candle for you and yours, Jim.

Jim, are you going to be with your family today? Have you called them yet? You need to be somewhere where loved ones can hug you and you can hug them. Have you seen Spencer yet? I don't remember if he lives anywhere near you now.

God, man, I'm sobbing for you. I didn't know her, but I knew her, you know? This sucks so hard.

This is horrible. I am so sorry to hear of this. It's beyond words.

Please take care of yourself

I'm ok. Just calling my family and crushing them one by one

Spencer is with Shelby. Her sister is there I think.

She was fine. We just spent Sunday together. Spencer said her browser history and search history go back 2 weeks looking at sodium nitrate dosage. Forums for pro choice suicide shit.

Her decision. Not an impulse. No notes left other than I love you on a scrap of paper.

I can't fix it

dude im so so sorry to hear this ��

Oh my God Jim!

My heart breaks for you.

Please don't blame yourself - YOU ARE A GOOD PERSON!!!! The mind is unpredictable and even the top experts can't fix thoughts.

We humans are broken from the start, we can only do what we can do.

Shit fuck cry, we care too, mostly for you, but for Amanda, Shelby, Spenser, family, friends, classmates, dwellers, it ripples out, it hurts, it's not fair goddamnit, all we can do is cry and wonder why, if there's something we did or could have done, thoughts of my sister rush in, fuckfuckfuckfuck how to tell you how sorry I am can't doesn't help you anyway fuck

I know.

Thanks. I don't think I blame anyone really. She did this on purpose. She didn't leave any indication of why. So trying to figure that out is pure suffering. I'll try not to.

I'm in a fucking daze

i'm sorry, I don't know what to say.

Don't feel like you have to say anything, anyone. I know you guys care and feel for me. You're part of my tribe. Some of you feel like family. This is really rough shit.

I was just thinking life was going really well lately.

Monster just went through /is still going through this, and I felt helpless to help her. So don't. I'm ok. I'm going to be sad for a time. We all are. But the fucking sun will still rise.

The whole thing is just so unbelievable. Like it can't be possible.

She was. https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/201...955f32da3e.jpg
And she was
https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/201...b2acd9e005.jpg
And
https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/201...3f1ea3f879.jpg
And
https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/201...eabcc2a0d2.jpg
And
https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/201...5cb7eb7c8f.jpg

https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/201...26f81ff6f1.jpg
https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/201...48e1825b15.jpg

So beautiful. Funny. Smart.

All that is gone

Gone

Oh Jim. How awful. There are no words. I lost my brother to suicide 14 years ago today. The love remains, but there are no new experiences to share. There is no bitterer loss than for a parent to outlive their child in such a way. But you are right, it was her decision. And UT is right, you are not to blame. You are a good person. X

Sent by magick

Sorry you have to endure this kind of pain Jim.

Damn man. I’ve lost cousins to suicide. You won’t ever forget her. The cousin I was close to lives in me and my family we still share the stories. I’m so sorry for your pain, this is too horrible.

Naw, he's a dickhead like the rest of us, bumbling through life like we all do. But you're certainly right in this tragedy is not his doing, he's one of the victims.

Nothing new to report. She's gone. I don't need to do anything. There's nothing I need help with.

Went to work today. Pretty hard to see the sympathy on people's faces. The inexplicable hand shakes. Hugs. Please don't hug me.

Hugging provides pocket picking opportunities with men, and hugging ladies is reward enough in itself. ;)

I can’t imagine the loss. Approach this the way you need too not how others seem to expect.

I can't either. It's like trying to comprehend how far away the sun is.

It all seems 1000 miles away. And then it rushes in and knocks me flat on my back.

Just can't think on it. But I feel like I should process it. To get a grip on it. Just not today. Not while I'm at work.

You will process it, in time. But don't "should" yourself.

Clod is right. There is no “should”. As you say, sometimes it’s a million miles away, as though it never happened. And sometimes it kicks you in the guts with literally physical force. Feel what you feel. Do what’s right for you. We’re all here for you, buddy. X


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

My Mother said it took a year to sink in.

OMG, I'm so sorry, I've kind of been skimming recently and totally missed this.

These things.

I did not go through this, I had 2.5 years' warning and it wasn't my child. I can't even and don't want to imagine. But I am bereaved. If I can help in any way at any point now or in the future, LMK.

Good morning Jim

I am far away, but you are continuously on my mind. I hope hour by hour you're OK, doing what you need to do and getting the love and support you need. I'm with you man.

I wish there was something I needed to do. Something to make those hours shorter. I've got the fukkitz bad. Wrecked the neck of the guitar I'm working on. I'll have to start over, but I just don't feel like it. Took 2 naps so far. Would have been a great day to ride, but fuck it. I don't feel safe as distracted as I am. I'm liable to zone out and get myself killed. So I'm smoking too much and not eating, so what. I want to help Shelby, but can't. Not that I could even if she'd talk to me. My son is with her and I talk to him.

They live in a bad place now, and I'm trying to get her to move away. To get out of the house where it happened. Her sister and family are with her, and I guess she's ok. Amanda is hurting too, and I feel bad for her because she feels so bad for me. It feeds back on itself.

Everyone is hurt, and everyone feels bad for me and I feel bad for them for it and the awkward things they say to me. The owner of the dealership came into my office and shook my fucking hand yesterday afternoon. Stood there a moment... And then asked me who found her.

Fuck, Alan. No.

I just shook my head and looked at my computer and said, I don't really want to talk about it. He just spun on his heel and left. He probably feels like shit. No one knows what to do or what to say. I sure as hell don't either.

It seems like this is going to take a long time to become real.

There is some silver lining. Her student loans should be discharged. And for whatever reason, through 2025 that is not considered taxable income. 33k. Would have been salt in the wound.

And I've lost 20 lbs.

I knew what to say: Graciously acknowledge your adversity.

I know what to do: Graciously celebrate elsewhere as this becomes real.

Sometimes all that's left for us to do is try to remain gracious in the face of adversity.

Easier said than done.

IMO don't do this. It's too early and they need to make this decision for themselves. The house might also contain good memories for them.

Perhaps you can sort through the pics you have online and pick the best for an album/montage -I see you've already started and if it's too hard, stop, but it might help you as well as other friends and relatives who want to remember.

Maybe volunteer somewhere that needs physical labor -digging community gardens or cleaning up riverbed or....? Something that gets you out, doing something, that will help you sleep (better) and give you just enough to concentrate on that your mind doesn't wander where you don't want it to go. Also, they won't mind if it does and you fuck up :)

I don't know, I'm sorry, I can't imagine. I've thought about pretty much nothing else all day :( I'm here if you need. I can also be there if you need. I know we've never met, but you're my friend. Just let me know.

Your links don't load for me, but bully for you. Glad you have the requisite training to deal with the effect this had on your life.

I want as few people to be hurt by this as can be. It's what hurts me most right now. The sympathy.

There's more to it. She moved to Chester recently. Chester is not a nice place. She's on 11th st. That's not a nice part of that place.

She moved there because she could afford it, and they have a small yard for the dog. (Ripley 's dog).

Largely to be closer to Spencer who was attending Widener University. He dropped out 2 weeks after she signed a 2 year lease. Now he's just afloat and not working yet, deciding what to do next. Then this happened. She needs to get out of there as soon as she can. Ripley was only there for 3 weeks or so. She had been living on campus in Philly.

I'm not in direct communication with her, but can talk with her sister, Tara. I've offered to pay whatever it costs to break the lease and get into a safer home. I was only there twice. Once Saturday evening to pick Ripley up for our last visit, and again to drop her back off. I saw multiple cops interacting with skeevie looking people both times. It's like Compton.

Not safe.

As far as activities, I hear you. If I don't have something specific to occupy my mind, she rises up in my consciousness. And I lose my concentration very easily. That's how I ruined that neck. Twice. I just need time to go by. To have that first person who doesn't know yet ask me how the kids are... Fuck me. This is bad. I wouldn't recommend it.

11th in Chester? Jesus fucking Christ, has she lost her mind? :facepalm:

I'm not sure. I hope not

The way the support thing works is Shelby leans on Spencer (and others) Spencer leans on you (and others) you lean on Amanda (and us). And so on, in multiple directions. Each person's support network is further out.


Sent by magick

I'm so sorry to hear this.

Pete invited me to a party tonight, and we went. Cool party.



Wouldn't have been invited, or gone if not for this horror.

Food for thought.

Have to chew on that.
I hope the neighbors were invited. :haha:

I just found out this past winter whenever HYJINX would come over to rehearse at my house my neighbors across the street on the hill would sit out on their patio with drinks and groove on the music. I only found that out indirectly.

Cool folk doing cool stuff.

Reminded me a lot of the dead shows and rainbow family gatherings, but more sanitary and talented.

I just need time to go by. To have that first person who doesn't know yet ask me how the kids are.

Just had dad and 19yo daughter buying a car.

You have kids?

Yup.

Lied right to his face.

I just saw this - fucking hell. I can't fathom what this must be like for you Jim, for all of you

I'm glad you went to Pete's party. It sounds like it did you good.

It's ok to lie to strangers about it, right?
For now?
For a while yet?

Probably better than telling them it's none of there fucking business, although that might be better than telling them the truth.

I watched an autistic guy on America's got talent tonight.

He sang and played piano. I'm sure it was a mimic thing. But it was gorgeous. She missed it.

How do you leave such an interesting place?

Come back

Fuck. Sorry guys

Oh man. I am No fun to be around.

Just don't even say anything

Shush