Chinese menus are funny
 

I always see the funniest things on Chinese restaurant menus, be it an American flag or a fried duck (head and bill still attached). This menu came from Golden Kitchen, a local Chinese place we order from occasionally.

http://msdelta.net/~sycamore/cellar/menu2.gif

I'm curious as to what makes this food special...maybe I shouldn't ask. And what's up with "shrimps"? And do they really fry the spare rib tips?

http://msdelta.net/~sycamore/cellar/menu3.gif

"Vegetarian meat"...hehe.

Then there's the Party Menu, which is available for hospitals. Huh? Now, maybe they were thinking of the employees at Frankford-Torresdale Hospital, which is in our neighborhood, but I don't really think it a good idea to serve stuff like fried chicken wings to patients.

And what is General Tao's Chicken?

I have GOT to find that menu with the fully fried duck on it...

General Tao's Vegetarian Chicken is served with an extra helping of balance and harmony, in addition to the extra spicy red sauce. I recommend the Satori Satay as an appetizer, and Zen Tea for beverage.

This is so bad...but since we are talking about Chinese food, I have to throw this in.

Vegetarian meat is actually a lot better than it sounds. I wouldn't really call it meat, per se - but it's really no different than, say, a boca burger (in texture). If you are okay with tofu, than it wouldn't be anything surprising or unusual.

Of course I have eaten it a few times and thought it really was meat. I've also seen a live cat thrown in a pot of boiling oil in China; I made sure to steer clear of that restaurant.

Yeah, chinese menus in the U.S. are generally pretty ridiculous. I've played English consultant for a few foreign businesses (nothing major though - I wonder if I should make a career out of that). I will admit that whoever started coming up with these american names for chinese foods was pretty creative - they're quite different from the traditional names.

^ What, you don't go for greasy food?


1 ticket to hell please

That doesnt make sense to me. They cook the cat whole and not just the meat? Yikes.

No wait! The cat was being punished by the Chicoms, right?

One of my best friends, who is from Korea, told me about "liquid cat." I can't tell you the Korean phrase (because I don't know it off hand), but it does translate into English as "liquid cat." It's a very popular dish in Korea. They boil the cat until you get... liquid cat.

She is pretty horrified by the thought of it now. I suppose 10 years of living in the US, and having 2 pet cats, would do that to a good Korean girl. :3eye:

But, let's hear it for "vegetarian meat." I've never heard it referred to that way, usually it is "mock duck," or "mock [name of meat]." It is also made of wheat gluten, and it can probably be made from a combination of gluten and soy, too. The kind I buy in cans at my fave Asian grocery is made from gluten alone.

My favorite dish is "Mock Duck with Coconut Sauce," from Vo's just down the street from me (it's actually a Vietnamese place). It comes in a very hot and spicy, creamy curry coconut sauce with chopped peanuts on top. "Vegetarian Meat," or mock duck is very juicy and much more tender than I remember real meat being. Best of all, it has no gristle and no cholesterol.

That's ok by me. Who the hell am I to tell another culture what they can and cant eat. The question is......they dont skin or gut the cat before he goes into the oil?

No thanks, I dont want any of your fresh liquid cat poop soup!

:vomit:

I was referring to an all together different cat dish than breakingnews. My guess is, with liquid cat, they probably at least remove the fur before they boil it (in water).

Actually, cat dish goes as this:

Pot with boiling water and oil

Add one live cat, fur and all

Cover

When cat stops thrashing and all the fur falls off, the meat is ready

Then it's butchered and prepared in whatever way the chef pleases.

Christ! I'd at least shoot the sonovabitch first. Bang him in the mellon, something.

Harsh man, very harsh. And I dont even really like cats.

I knew what they meant by "vegetarian meat," I've just never heard of it described that way.

I'm not a huge fan of tofu, but I do like soy-based products.

Sounds kinda like cooking lobsters.

You don't get toxoplasmosis from lobster shit, though. I'd at least want to split their heads or pith them first. (as some recommend for the crustaceans.)

And no, I'm not going to try cat.

This is news to me. Where in China did you see this again? :eek:

T: although right now you might think Chinese menus are funny, once you read subtitles from a Hong Kong movie, nothing will compare. One critic once said about a HK movie: everything is good, except the subtitles are correct, thus removing the fun. Obviously he found subtitles at least as amusing as the movie.

It was near Beijing a few years ago.

Something almost as gross was when we were near Kunming and caught a glimpse of a chef cooking a turtle. Ew.

You know, the English-dubbed version of Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon they played on FX not too long ago wasn't all that bad. Awful in some parts, but overall not terrible. Just hard to watch because I know they're speaking chinese. :p

Just last weekend I was in Chinatown and get this..

They were selling LIVE turtles for cooking...for like $7 a pop.

They were in a plastic net type of thing. I got photos of them.

what's so wrong with eating turtle? turtle soup is very popular in louisiana...although i have never had it...i have however experienced cat in my travels and it is very gamey.

Nuthin wrong with it - it was pretty good actually. Just weird to think about, that's all. Eating a turtle or snake in China is no different than grilling a burger or roasting a chicken here. Except in Louisiana, where them cajun folk eat turtles anyway. Sick bastards.

The sad part for me is that I LOVE animals. When I was little, I used to cry whenever we slaughtered animals in the house (and yes, everybody used to do this). The most heartbreaking thing I remember is one time when I passed this restaurant, I saw a pretty goat chained to the door. When I returned, the goat was gone, and all I saw was some leftover flesh. http://web.ics.purdue.edu/~lin5/crying.gif http://web.ics.purdue.edu/~lin5/crying.gif http://web.ics.purdue.edu/~lin5/crying.gif

Here is just a small sample of interesting subtitles from a random HK movie:

"I don't feel well, I have to take medicine."
"Fine..."
"Will you force his shit out if you keep on pushing him?"
"Maybe"
"Do you enjoy it?
I can't feel anything for it's too fast
Your first time?
How do you know it?
I can tell from your ass. It's red"

whoa! where and when the fuck are you from?

All of your base are belong to us!

PJ is from mainland China. He and his mother emigrated here about 10 years ago.

Funny, I was thinking "Somebody set up us the bomb."

Shit, has it been that long? I still remember answering that question with "oh, 11 months."

Actually, aside from the cruelty, taking care of your meat from live animal to cooked on your own is the best way. The meat tastes so much more delicious and fresh, there is no comparison.