Serious Question......What do women really want in a serious relationship?
 

Hi Just out of curiosity. What do women really want in a relationship. I've been single for 32 years now and have never figured out what a woman wants or how to give it to her. My standards where never that high. I just look for a good woman that will treat me with respect and won't try to steal from me or screw me over.

Speaking from lack of experience I would assume that what a woman wants from a relationship varies from woman to woman...

I would tend to agree but there seems to be some sense of what women really want deep down inside in a man...lol the womens magazine never cover it...lol

I just keep looking for the right woman I every time I think I've met her she turns out to be the wrong one. I'm the perfect example of nice guys finish last.

I'll tell you what I want out of our relationship: I'd like your sig to not include so many damn smileys. But I'm sure there are other women out there who will love you for who you are, instead of trying to change you. :)

Whatever we might want, we change the rules. Sometimes moving the bar upward, other times lowering it a smidge to make someone who nearly fits fit.

For the most part, wash reasonably often, and be willing to commit pretty much does it.

The ability to present the male in public is also useful.

Understand that for 6 days out of every 28 we range somewhere between somewhat irritated and psychotic. It is not always the same six days. No, you do not get to choose.

There's a reason we don't have avatars here. Clod's totally right on the smiley thing, although I think it's more the animated ones than the static ones. Nobody's complained about mine, but that could be because I intimidate people.

Wolf, I have to disagree. Except the bit about changing the rules.

I wash at least daily, groom myself fairly well, dress decently (usually) and am willing to commit to a LTR. I like to think I'm socially presentable. I can deal with the hormone thing for the most part. True, I am a prevert. But I'm a *nice* prevert.

That said, My relationships never seem to last very long, six months is average. One year is a record. And it's always "my fault". I normally fail to see what I might have done wrong. Sometimes I do see it and strive to not do that thing ever again. I look at this as a positive thing. Women seem to disagree.

There HAS to be more to it than simple grooming and staying faithful. What aren't you telling us? :)

Well, you've also gotta pick the right women to begin with. There are women who are going to abuse every man they're with, just like there are men that way. If all your women seem to act a certain way, it's time to break into an entirely new environment. Do something you would never normally do, be it sitting in a coffeeshop reading, or going to the gym, or attending a small concert of a musician you think you might like but don't normally listen to.

You might discover you have an innate talent for kayaking, and you might meet a woman who's been wondering what happened to all the nice guys. :)

Because generally, younger women (18 - 30) don't want nice men to treat them like queens. They think they do, and they will tell you they do, but what they really want is to be treated like crap. (and don't flame me for this, ladies because you know deep down inside that it's true. generally speaking)

Then, in the late 20's, early 30's, they get tired of being treated like crap and start to realize what they really want in a man. *That's* when they want nice. They start to know what they like and dislike in men and relationships and what they are and are not willing to put up with.

One important note: a man who's never been married and is desperately seeking a woman can be sniffed out a mile away, and will turn most women off. "You're how old? And never been married? So what's wrong with you?"

You're damaged goods by proxy. You're not used, so something must be wrong with you.

NO, it's not right or fair. But there it is.

Stop looking, get your own self together, be happy with yourself, and she will stroll into your life without warning and it's a done deal. I know it sounds cliche. But when I was at my lowest point, and had really given up, Husband strolled (literally) into my life.

Make them chase you. Don't chase them. As soon as you chase, you're hooked and then you're fodder.

OC is a wise woman. Not too sure about the "you're how old and not married?" thing. It can be used to your advantage.

How? Pretend you're gay. Hot chicks all want gay male friends, and they'll take bubble baths with you occasionally. Then one night when you're deep into your cups, say that you've always been curious what it would be like to make out with a girl. WHAM! you're cured! Oh thank you, bestest platonic opposite-sex friend of mine! Can we do it again tomorrow?

This approach will get you the hottest girls, but it's fraught with peril. She might try to set you up with another gay friend. This person's gay IFF (also known as gaydar) will spot you as a fraud immediately, and your cover will be blown. Alternately, the gaydar will give no warning signs whatsoever. If this is the case, you're gay. Stop chasing women and find a jar of petroleum jelly and some Ambercrombie polo shirts.


I'm just kidding. But I do think that OC is right.

hey, uh, how do i phrase this delicately? here goes...mrnoodle - do you have to play a show in less than an hour?

I agree with most of what OC said. The part about wanting to be treated like crap is sort of subjective. I think there are those women out there...most women are probably like that. The other portion of women are those who want to be able to control every aspect of you. I do think, though, that as a woman gets older, she starts to understand herself a little better thus, having a better idea about what they want/need in a relationship, beyond all the relationship "games" that plague those in their early to mid twenties, or longer.

Silver, I think what you need to figure out is what YOU want/need in a relationship. Know who you are. Know what your passions are. Once you know what you want, you can have a clearer picture of what a relationship might be like in another 6 months, 6 years, whatever. Be upfront with the women you date. It may be scarey to do that, but trust me, many women will appreciate direct honesty. If you don't want to change who you are, if you want to seek a deeper relationship, if you feel like there are things that might be problematic in the relationship, talk about it directly. One of the things that turns me off in men is the inability to speak directly. When a man hedges around subjects, uses protection mechanisms to keep from talking about something, hides or feels afraid to trust me after a few months, I take that as a red flag. Learn to be open. It is scarey, but gains respect with many of us.

If you can see yourself changing with your mate, if you don't have any little things you hope will change about them, when you feel like your mate is you best friend, but you just can't stop getting turned on by them, that might be when you know you have found the right one (IMO, anyway).

I am in the same boat as Silver. I've been searching for 'Mr. Right' for years. I'd like to hear what he has to say about men and what they really want! ;p

My question is, what if he knows what he wants in a relationship? What if he knows who he is or doesn't see the need for change? Does he still have a problem or hasn't he met his match?

Personally, I think he just hasn't found his match. Sure everyone has their problems, insecurities and/or oddities about themselves. There is someone out there that would like them or atleast most of those things in a person.

I know what I want in a relationship. It's just a matter of finding that one person who wants the samethings.

And as for OC's 'women want to be treated like crap between certain ages'. I don't think thats true either. Since I was in my early 20's I wanted the samethings I do now, and I am in my early 30s. Alot of other women I know feel the same way I do. Yes, there are exceptions to every rule, but I do think the majority do not want to be treated badly, they just don't know what they want to begin with.

nah I'm not high. I'm at work. I was just being silly because I got done editing a long article and had that ton-of-bricks-off-the-shoulders feeling.

I'm happily married, so I sort of get to watch this conversation unfold with no skin in the game, but if I were a single guy looking, here's my $.02

Guys who are looking to find out "what a woman wants" are already missing the point. Same for women. The worst kind of relationships are those that are built on finding someone to fulfill your needs, or finding someone whose needs you can fulfill. That kind of codependant relationship can only end in disaster.

Start by knowing yourself. Know your strengths and weaknesses, your goals and the steps to get to them. Then let that knowledge undergird your confidence in yourself, and in life. Not arrogance, just confidence that you know and are comfortable with who you are. Let that confidence develop into joy and expectation for the life ahead. Let that sort of joy prompt you to invest selflessly in relationships with other people, and enrich their lives.

Confidence, self-knowledge, selflessness, and joyful expectation are contagious and attractive. The describe the sort of people we all like to be around, and that includes both friends and lovers.

Stop trying to find the right person, and start being the right kind of person, and the right partner will come when the time is right.

But if she comes and her name is Gretchen and she's damn hot and from Los Angeles, back off, chump! That one's mine ...

-ml

I thought I knew what I wanted after the divorce, and I waited patiently for a long friggin' time to find it. Suddenly this girl comes along and she's almost the complete opposite. My brains and my guts turn to mush when I see her and all I think about when she's not around is when I'm going to see her next. All that proves is that I have no fucking clue what I want. But I'm having a great time finding out. I think this may be a better way of going about things; getting out of my comfort zone and experiencing something my puny little mind and limited life view would otherwise exclude.

I'm probably wrong, but what the hell. :)

I think people get in trouble trying too hard to narrowly define what they want in a mate. perth's way of discovering what he's ready for is natural -- just get to know people and see what happens.

I know one big mistake people in my age group and younger (25-35) make is to plan out their lives down to every minute detail, and try to find a partner that fits their plan. I've seen two divorces because of it, and one broken engagement (mine). I've also seen a couple of good friends and a close relative get married because it was "time to be married" and they thought they would get old and lonely if they didn't hitch up. Well, they're still getting older, and they're still lonely, they just have a joint checking account.

So go with the flow, but keep an eye out for roadblocks, I guess. And don't be afraid to not find someone. The desperation rays that emanate from some older single people are spooky.

Hmm, this is all very well and good (sm's post, particularly) but what women really want - in no particular order - is the following:

1. Touch. We gotta want to touch you. Smooth skin, natural warmth and a teasing detachedness all help. Make us want you, but only if we want you already. We want to find a guy we really want, who wants us equally, and who keeps us on our toes. Don't treat em mean, but do keep em keen. (We won't go off you anyway - it's just a game, and it stops us looking wishfully at other less interested guys.)

2. Looks. You don't have to be superficially good looking, you might even be ugly. But a brightness in the eyes, a sexy grin and a gentle physical manner will do the trick. A gentle man with a cheeky glint drives us mad fantasising about the point he turns 'bad' and pins us forcefully to the floor with his shlong.

3. Smell/taste. Don't stink. Wash your willy. And let your natural smell come through by not wearing too much aftershave or spray (god I hate that stuff). This way, you'll attract (and keep) a woman who really wants you for you, not for your bottle of Davidoff.

4. Sound. Sorry but high pitched voices don't do it. Gentle, warm, deep - you'll have our knickers off in no time and we'll consider you safe and reassuring - perfect for a LTR.

5. Emotion/spiritual. Someone who understands us. Who wants to talk to us, not just grunt and watch the telly. We need to feel that connection, that rightness. To achieve this, don't talk shit, be who you are, and we'll decide if you're right for us or not.

To summarise, what we want is a fully sensually satisfying life-long experience, that reassures us in times of insecurity and maddens us with lust/desire/love for the rest of our life. It's an overall feeling we're seeking, and I'm afraid the only way this will happen is if two people are truly, honestly right for each other. This is something you'll never be able to fake.

The age women work out the treated like crap/nice thing varies. A lot.
For someone who isn't sure of a lot of things you sure seem to have that down pat cat, nicely put.

as near as i can tell, all women want jaguar. 'nuff said.

Wow. One of those rare occasions I agree with Catwoman.

Dear Diary....

Lusting after the young, rich, and cute is but a phase.

True love is lasting, has staying power. True love, thy name is xoxoxoBruce.

Then there's the ability to make you laugh consistently and deeply (involves being smart and spontaneous). That, and good kisses. Good traits, hard to pin down.

As is lusting after the guy 20 years older than you who is rich and cute.

No, just rich. Old and rich beats cute and rich any day.

One foot in the grave, one on a banana peel, no prenup, solid will naming me as major beneficiary, with enough doled out to his kids to keep them off my ass and away from my money ... my perfect man.

Oh, and he should be kind and have a good sense of humor.

And like guns.

I'd find that line more encouraging coming from a woman. How the hell'd you come to that conclusion anyway?

God only knows.

i read it on the bathroom wall. of course, it was over a urinal... so i'm not really sure what that means.

Hedging around subjects that he doesn't have an answer for because he's never considered it for more than 30 seconds because it's of absolutely no importance to him but knows he's in deep shit because you asked and that means it is important to you and you'll think he's a jerk if he says it's not to him so there is no right answer to that or many other questions you ask? pant, pant Or something else?
I find the things the girls say they want when it's just "girl talk" among themselves doesn't seem to translate to their actions when it comes to m/f 1 on 1.
The same holds true for the guys. When they talk about relationships with their buddies (Ain't often), what they say and what they do at home doesn't jibe.
Just realize I'm neither a cretin nor imbecile just because there are things you view as important that I don't give a rats ass about or at least don't see as close enough to worry about yet like the color of the bedroom carpet in the house I haven't got the down payment for yet. :)

my reputation precedes me.

I am well and truly sick of you trying to lure bruce over there. Now, stop it.

Hi

Sorry I haven't responded back to this thread before now. Just a few things on my defense here...lol
A. Clodfobble I have changed my signature. Thanks for the advice.
B. I'm a 32 year old male never been married but close a couple of times only because something happend that opened my eyes to the fact that the marriage would have ended in a nasty divorce such as theft of money, infadelity on thier part, or finding out about thier drug use issues.
C. I've learned to live with the fact that I'm not a male model or the richest man granted if I was a millionaire I'd probably get my eyes fixed as they get worse as I get older so I don't completly lose all my vision. There was one surgery that I was told I did not need that I had thought about and only me and the other person in that conversation know what that was about; and no it was not sex change..far from it.
D. As far as my standards go I only look for a few things, good conversationalist, good work ethic as it takes two to make a living these days, and someone that will have a good heart and not try to screw me over. Looks are optional she doesn't have to be drop dead gorgeous as long as she and I "click" that is really all that matters.
E. Everthing I've ever read, seen, or been through in my life has always shown that women think men are an enigma and that men think that women are just the most complicate mixture of thoughts and hormones they've ever come across. I keep waiting for the one day when something happens like on the TV show "Sex in the City" where one of the character's (Berger) lets the cat out of the bag to the girls on exactly how men's minds work.
Well my soap box is getting pretty weak under the wieght of my typing. So I'll leave with this. Why does society make it so hard for men and women just to be themselves around each other? Especially during the first few months of dating? or even when trying to get that first date?

I've had the same problem.. I'm 35 and single.. but then again I've been engaged 4 times and have lived with 5 women.. and I don't even want to think about how many I have dated.. and my average relationship lasts about 2 years (although with the last 3 that's going to ruin my average :) ).. OC has it right, for the most part it's a waiting game until you find one that's 'right' don't worry and have fun along the way.. and yeah If I hear the 'you're 35 and haven't been married' one more time I'm going to break a boot off in someones ass! nice guys don't always finish last.. or well.. that's what I have to believe anyway.

I'm not even sure I want to get married anymore. I've been single my whole life, I have no experience with anything else. yeah I was engaged once and came close 2 other times when I was younger, but I've never really experienced the LTR thing (I think 2 years is about my record, as well).

Unless and until someone comes along that I can see being with at age 80 (and who can live with the horror of staying with ME at that age), I'm happily single. Not hunting for a partner either. I might be naive, but I think that if the right person comes along, they'll do so whether or not I allow myself to be hooked up on blind dates, go to "singles" functions (that's a concept that should've died on the drawing board), or otherwise hunt a mate.

Ask me again when I'm 45, and I might have a completely different outlook. Right now, though, I see far too many unhappy marriages to want to sign up for that kind of grief.

my wife says a nice guy should ALWAYS finish last. :D

My husband if a firm believer that women want "what other women have"! He said it never failed that as soon as he started dating somebody, after being single for months, women that had no interest in him while he was available, suddenly were hitting on him. Years ago, I had a close male friend tell me the very same thing. He'd gone to the same club every week-end and went home alone every week-end. As soon as he started showing up with an attractive date, the women who wouldn't even dance with him before suddenly became interested.
After reading the posts in this thread, I feel so very lucky!! I'm 45, in my third marriage, and cannot think of a thing I would change about my marriage, my husband, or our relationship. I complained a few months ago in another thread about him not picking up after himself enough, but I got over that. Now I just feel lucky and grateful that a few messes is the worst thing I have to complain about!
I've never been in a relationship that's made me feel this content and happy, and 100% sure that it will stay this way. So I guess I have found what I wanted, even though I could not have told you what it was that I wanted before I found it. What I found is someone who I like, as well as love, am physically attracted to, I respect him for all of his good qualities, I enjoy his company and we talk about everything under the sun, I share his love of drag racing and always watch racing on TV with him, and go to races with him. He's understanding of my fairly close friendship with my ex and his family (the father of my children), and we trust each other. I guess it seems like since the important things are covered, everything else just falls into place. We don't waste any time or emotion sweating the small stuff. So, I guess that stuff was what I wanted! (Yes, you run the risk of it not working out, but you'll most certainly never find "the one" if you aren't willing to take the risk!)
SILVERWOLFNC said "Looks are optional she doesn't have to be drop dead gorgeous as long as she and I "click" that is really all that matters". Good attitude to have considering something I read that was written by a man who's dated many women - lots of them beautiful and famous - He said that the drop-dead gorgeous women aren't as good in bed as the not perfect women because the gorgeous woman thinks that "just being there" is enough!
I also think that the best chance you have of finding a good relationship is when you're not out there trying really hard to find one. People are attracted to, and want to be around people who are enjoying themselves and confident.
I felt like giving up once too, so I understand that, but I am so glad I didn't!

the hi-pro glow

although I have to say.. when you ar elooking it's the worst time to find one.. the best ones are out of the blue. or atleast as my life has gone

I want you all to know that i've been restraining my self from just posting " COCK!" in here.

guess i couldnt take it anymore.

hey, what the fuck does LTR mean? i hate it when you nerds come up with a new batch of initials and I miss the memo. You know how long it took me to figure out 'kwim' meant? sheesh!

Glat hit this right from the git. it varies per woman. some women have low self esteem, and think they deserve to be shit on, so they gravitate toward badboys and bikers that call them 'cunt'. some see themselves as princesses, and expect their men to fawn over them. I think a lot of it probably has to do with their father. they tend to either want the same guy, or the opposite guy, depending on their feelings toward their dad. ( too freudian, maybe)

the point is that it doesn;t matter what they want. just be you. you cant fake it forever. dont think you are doing them a favor by being a chameleon. eventually, you wont be able to keep up the farce. you'll have a fight, and the true you will show.

just take care of yourself, respect yourself, respect others, and dont be creepy. stalking is right out, too.

why do things sound more true when they ryhme?
warch rocks. never says anything stupid, or trite. always hits the nail on the head. bet she's a hot piece of ass, too. reminds me of someone i know.

one of life's truths that relates to this thread can be heard in a song called "jane says"

~ I want 'em if they want me~

That, sir, is an instant classic.

<a href="http://www.acronymfinder.com/">This</a> is for lumberjim.

SO far down the list

Oddly, this is written on the flap of my box of Sun-Maid raisins:

"Nothing is wasted; things happen when the time is right."

Maybe I will start taking relationship advice from a box of raisins; if nothing else, the mascot looks pretty intelligent in his hospital-white gloves and trendy tennis shoes.

i would suggest not dating anything that looks like a raisin though. if you do... consult a doctor the next morning.

woo hoo! 401! i've been slacking! anyway.. the thing is that in all honesty I can't say shit. are you looking for love or a fuck? a fuck is easy.. love? well that's where it gets tricky, they can start in the same spots it's just 2 years down the road you have to look at.. I dunno I'm in love with a woman I can't have, no. she's just right it's just that she doesn't know it right now.. so suffice to say keep that armour in tip top shape.. ya never know when you might need it.... damn hopeless romanitc types! hmmm I guess that's why I play guitar.. and for you that are just that bored go to garageband.com/slurry and listen to ciccadas (yeah I know it's not spelled right.. it was the lead guitar player that put it up there!:)) )

ps. if you can guess which one I am you get a cookie

I think you are the long haired one, grinning. You should let me know when and where you are playing next. I could probably get out for one of your gigs...you know I am only a few hours from you (thats a short distance when you live in southwest kansas).

Come to Thailand. Lots of potentials.:3way: What do Thai women, and I suspect all women, want. Security and Stability. That's resources and emotions.

Guys want sex, laundry and ironing.

There I said it. It's out know and I feel better.

The top ten....
 

Hm, just speaking from my own experience, the following are a good start:


1. Respect: don't treat her like she's inferior

2. If you make promises, keep them. If you don't plan on keeping them, don't make them. Say what you mean, and mean what you say. Trite, I know, but it shows that you're trustworthy. In the end, your word is all you really have.

3. Don't cheat, physically or emotionally.

4. Be fair. Don't have one set of rules for her and one set of rules for yourself

5. Time: if your friends and acquaintances are more important than she is, or if you spend waay more time with them WITHOUT her than you do with her, it can cause hurt feelings. We want to be included, too. If we didn't want to spend time with you, we wouldn't be with you. If you want someone who'll give you affection, that you can leave at home, get a cat.

6. If there are problems, work them out. Talk about them before they become worse than they are. Running away or ignoring them just makes them worse.

7. A sense of humor. as long as you can joke and laugh, there's hope.

8. Treat her well. Appreciate the things she does for you, be considerate, and don't take her for granted. If she can't deal with that, and if she doesn't return the consideration, she doesn't deserve you in the first place.

9. Remember significant days: anniversaries, birthdays, mother's day if she's got kids. It shows that you care enough to remember. It always amazes me that men who can't remember those days can remember every stat from their favorite sports team for the last ten years...

10. Help Around The House: You don't know how many men I've known whose wives work too, and are then expected to keep house and kids without any help from the sperm donor.


Of course, I'm the bitter one, :D, so....


Sidhe

You got no shot at #9. A study pegged this to basic differences between the male and female brains.

I thought #9 was why men invented the Franklin Planner, and the Yahoo Calendar with handy email reminders a week before, day before and day of ...

No way - my partner reminds me every month.. "do you know what day it is today??" followed up by a hopefull grin that i know i'm about to crush....

i can never remember dates... birthdays.. anniversaries.. i need to write them in a book, but then, i never check my little book either! !

I must be gay...number 9 is no problem for me. However, when it comes to sports I couldn't care less (unless my younger brother is involved).

iCal. Though I've never actually remembered to put those significant dates IN to iCal. Oh well.

I'd forget my own birthday if people wouldn't remind me.

Simple....ICQ. Set it for a date, and it'll tell you a month before, a week before, an hour before, and at the exact moment.

Well guys, if you've been reminded over 360 times that you forgot. it's close. ;)

These two have it down.

I like their theory.

I have a theory as to the reason for this. It's unformed as yet, but perhaps the reason they want to be treated like crap is 1:They think that's what they deserve. or 2: They want to be able to change you.

Reading over this, I realize it makes little sense, but perhaps one of you will understand what i'm trying to say and clarify it.

Wow! I knew we were on to something!!!!