Workplace Vocab
 

Essential vocabulary additions for the workplace (and elsewhere)!!!


1. BLAMESTORMING
Sitting around in a group, discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed, and who was responsible.

2. SEAGULL MANAGER : A manager, who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps on everything, and then leaves.

3. ASSMOSIS : The process by which some people seem to absorb success and advancement by kissing up to the boss rather than working hard

4. SALMON DAY : The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstream only to get screwed and die in the end.


5. CUBE FARM : An office filled with cubicles.

6. PRAIRIE DOGGING : When someone yells or drops something loudly in a cube farm, and people's heads pop up over the walls to see what's going on.

7. MOUSE POTATO : The on-line, wired generation's answer to the couch potato.

8. SITCOMs : Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage. What Yuppies get into when they have children and one of them stops working to stay home with the kids.

9. STRESS PUPPY : A person who seems to thrive on being stressed out and whiny.

10. SWIPEOUT : An ATM or credit card that has been rendered useless because magnetic strip is worn away from extensive use.

11. XEROX SUBSIDY : Euphemism for swiping free photocopies from one's workplace.

12. IRRITAINMENT : Entertainment and media spectacles that are Annoying but you find yourself unable to stop watching them.


13. PERCUSSIVE MAINTENANCE : The fine art of whacking the crap out of an electronic device to get it to work again.

14. ADMINISPHERE : The rarefied organizational layers beginning just above the rank and file. Decisions that fall from the adminisphere are often profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they were designed to solve.

15. 404 : Someone who's clueless. From the World Wide Web error Message "404 Not Found," meaning that the requested site could not be located.

16. GENERICA : Features of the American landscape that are exactly the same no matter where one is, such as fast food joints, strip malls, and subdivisions.

17. OHNOSECOND : That minuscule fraction of time in which you realize that you've just made a BIG mistake. (Like after hitting send on an email by mistake).

18. WOOFS : Well-Off Older Folks.

19. CROP DUSTING : Surreptitiously passing gas while passing through a Cube Farm

*laughs* I love it.

And 13.1 -- Benign Neglect: Ignoring a user's complaint until they solve the problem by restarting the system just like you would have done.

cute. I especially like the salmon one.

20. Mode Rage - Going to print something long on a particular printer
and hitting print and THEN realizing you needed to
change a setting first. Then you start yelling and
banging on your computer to stop it.

And 13.1 -- Benign Neglect: Ignoring a user's complaint until they solve the problem by restarting the system just like you would have done.

But V, the shop I work for makes MUCHO bucks for me to drive 3-4 hrs one way just to go and unplug somebodys small qube heater and restart scales and printers , same for untwisting printer ribbons , and the such .

My boss has the seagull manager plaque above his desk

Roger that. ;)

Working actor here... um... whatcha' talkin bout'? *looks around stupidly*

There's always "Brightsizing"--that's where all the bright people leave.

I had one of those "ohnoseconds" today -- I totally pressed the button that was the opposite of the button I was supposed to press. Still waiting to see if there are Consequences.

Tincture of Time: Medication applied to situations in which another facility is engaging in gross stupidity, but you can't tell them that outright. Ignoring them long enough for them to figure out their own solution to their own problem is the best way to handle the case.

People seem to think I'm AdminPotent, IE
them: "Are we having any trouble with <any random thing>?"
me: "I don't know, are you having any trouble with <any random thing>?!"

(I don't know what magical mechanism they imagine I get infromation from, out of thin air!)

As much as I appreciate network Sysadmin folks, sometimes a little more communication would be nice. More than once, I've had trouble with my PC and called our help desk, only to be told that it was a firm wide problem and that they knew about it and were working on it. So by not alerting everyone that they knew of the problem, and were working on it, they were going to be getting 1000 or so phone calls from people like me saying "why's my PC doing ...."

Now when I'm having a problem with my PC, I never know if it's a known problem or just me. I often call the help desk and start off by saying "I don't know if this is happening to anyone else, but ..."

We used to have a GREAT IT department.

Due to an issue I encountered, I realized how bad they have gotten (in the sense of teamwork and cooperation.) Ever since they hired this doofus bigwig, the IT team has been eroding like earth under a waterfall.

They knew of an issue with our software that would affect FA, yet failed to implement because it would also affect a student's ability to paying online.

Now, it's going to be at least another week before I can start processing for the new aid year, meaning we as a department are FUCKED.

They never let us know, though they knew.

Anyway, what I've found in the past two days is a large group of people acting like mongrels growling because another mongrel is pissing in their spot.

But it is still us, and mostly me, who is fucked. What will happen? Nothing, except a few all nighters for us. Meanwhile, IT will still act like 5th graders and we will all bear the brunt of inadequacy.

I've been in charge this week, as my boss is on vacation. I have been calm, and in control, and a super-duper problem solver. I was hoping to elevate my plea to make me assistant director since I do all that entails anyway. Through no fault of my own, what my boss will see when she gets back is that we haven't started up next year. All due to a bunch of pissy bastards making at least twice what I do. :dunce:

(IT people...like I said we used to have a great IT dept, it's fallen apart because of politics. I am in no way dissing IT people as a whole, because I can only imagine the crap you have to deal with.)