I will solve your problems
 

I will tell you how to solve any problem - just ask me.

Here's a free one:

Solving America's healthcare problems.

Americans are obsessed with our health. You have two choices for fixing our healthcare system.

1. Maintain a healthy lifestyle. Eat the right foods, in the right amounts, exercise, and don't have an accident. This will keep you from having to go to the doctor.

2. Get over your obsession, and yourself, and give it up. If you get sick, just get better by yourself or go off in a corner and die.

These solutions will decrease the demand for healthcare, which will lower the cost. Healthcare providers don't want empty appointment blocks, or unused MRI machines, so will lower the cost to create more usage. As a bonus side-effect, allowing yourself to kick off will help with the Medicare and Social Security crisis. If we can drive the average life span down to about 67 years, there won't be that looming tax crisis in the future.

Next?

Here's my current problem: I need to figure out paint colors for my house.

I definitely like colorful schemes, but it's one of those new-fangled "open" floorplans where you can clearly see into one room from the next, so they all have to flow together.

Oh, and I have to have all final color choices made by Monday. Feel free to use the interactive tool for reference. (Click the "Color Smart" link on the right.)

Go with the blue whites. At one end of the "open area" (probably the "kitchen(ish)" end) start with Frosted Juniper. As you travel through the other areas, flow through Cascade White and Waterfall Mist, ending with Clear View in your more formal living room area.

Bah! White, white and white! I must have color. For reference, my current bedroom is "Rejuvenate" and my kitchen is "Blue Willow."

Rejuvenate? That's like having sex in a public institution. Yellows for hotter sex, I mean it's not like you're sleeping there.

the only thing that can solve all of your problems is death.

Do everything in Lavendar Haze.

OD Green is your friend !!!!!

If Pink is the new Black; then, wouldn't Canary Yellow be the new OD Green?

The hottest chick at work hit on me.

#1 I'm WAY below average in the LOOKS/INCOME department. I didn't tell anyone I actually know (outside of the cellar) because it isn't to be believed.

#2 I know her husband, nice guy actually, little too wrapped up in his things to pay attention to the HOT wife.

#3 I'm VERY happily married.

#4 She is smokin hot.

Omniscient Spexx, how do you deal with a temporary void of sex? What is the key to breaking habitual masturbation when you can't get intimate because of time and space?

freshnesschronic, see a doctor before you do something crazy....like stopping.

amen brother... remember if it didn't feel right it wouldn't be.. and kinda helps to um... keep ones head clear...

Why am I constantly attracted to guys that will be no good for me in the long run?

I'm just that god-damned sexy. Sorry about that.