Avoiding trouble
 

Any advice on the wisdom of getting into a relationship with the (very) recent ex of a soon-to-be roommate (guy Y)? It's a bit complicated, timed with almost daytime-soap perfection. The girl in question (girl X) is a member of my department I've known for about 1.5 years, I've liked her since I met her but she's been in a relationship with aforementioned guy since before then. He's one of the people in the 4 person suite I'm living in this fall, added since we needed another person and he seemed nice enough. I ran into girl X last week (we're both working in labs on campus right now) and she didn't seem to be doing too well. Turns out guy Y just recently dumped her cold turkey while down at Duke University, looks like she's taking it pretty hard.
I know better then to think that she'll be interested in getting back into a relationship anytime soon, but I'm thinking a bit more long-term here since the housing thing has the potential to cause problems till this time next year.
Is this just a clean-cut case of "don't go there" even though I don't really know the guy and it was him who decided to drop her like a bad habit?

Warning bells going off all over, just wondering if I'm overreacting.

If you're living with him, and you take his ex, that looks like trouble. Especially since they will probably see each other, a LOT. I wouldn't touch it unless someone paid me for that emotional stress you're about to put on.

I think it'd depend on how much time you plan on spending in your room with her. If not much, then it probably doesn't matter. Also, if you're not going to be mates with the new guy then it probably doesn't matter either.

I don't really know what it's like in that situation though, so my input is probably pretty pointless.

Just forget I posted anything.

I wouldnt have a problem with it from your point of view, but I would assume shes going to have major issues with it.

If he dumped her and she isnt taking it very well, I'd say she wont like being anywhere near him.....'specially if she is there and Y guy has another chick there...ohhh weird awkwardness!!!

Anyways, I dont think you can think that far ahead yet, there are many obstacles before you even have to worry about that part of the equation 9th.

BTW, its nice to see you around :)

To me seems like Aliantha and DucksNuts are right: maybe she will feel not good wondering around the same flat with the new (let's hope) and the ex... but I think you can manage it if she wants, being around or at her place, and not at yours... I mean, now she has to be well, then think about new person, and if you two date then you'll decide if it's worthy! but I think so seeing what you write! ;)

good luck

What do you mean by get together?

I have gone on dates before without actually having a boyfriend/girlfriend thing. If she is having commitment problems, or doesn't want to see guy Y, then just going out on a few dates without the boyfriend/girlfriend thing would probably be for the best. You can test the water and still be able to pull back without hurting her again if you don't want to go through with it. The worst thing you could do is get in a true relationship with her, feel uncomfortable about it, then back down.

Why has no one mentioned actually asking the guy his opinion on the matter? (I mean, this is assuming she gets over him, is ready for another relationship, and then decides that she wants that relationship to be with you...) I'm not saying ask him for permission, but just feel out what he might be thinking--he dumped her, so he honestly may not care. He may even be happy that she's moved on if he was reluctant to hurt her in the first place.

On the other hand, I openly dated an ex's roommate even though the ex's discontent on the matter was well expressed (exact same situation, he dumped me! I was so pissed that he thought he had any right to complain), so maybe I'm not like normal people on this matter.

I didn't mention that because in my opinion it doesn't really have anything to do with him if he's the one that did the dumping. I think that if 9th asks him he's likely to denegrate the girl for his own personal reasons which may then cause 9th even more confusion.

I guess it's up to him. I don't think the other guy has a right to say she can't come in the house though. We've all lived with people who've had friends we don't particularly like but have had to just get over it for the sake of a peaceful existance. I would think this would just be one of those occasions if in fact the other guy has any opinion on the subject at all.

Might be worth asking her opinion, though.....

Are you Nuts? Do you really need to complicate your life right now? At least find out why he dumped her and if he's bitter. This is a guy that's going to have access to your throat while you're sleeping.

9th, are you crazy. Don't go there.

Here, here, Bruce and Merc. That's what I was thinking, too.

Ask yourself ...

Do you really want to be her revenge fuck?

Well...9th is a guy. Does he care? ;)

That's what I was thinking blue. lol

It could be he's one of those snaggy guys who wouldn't do that sort of thing though right? ;)