Overflowing
 

Tonight I had a chat with some good friends. Talked about a lot for nearly two hours in an AIM chatroom. Now two hours later I am feeling very emo, wondering why I have so many issues, feelings of self doubt, trying to figure out how to right my ship on life's course. A lot of events are happening and a lot of things are directly affecting me in the next month and I just hope I handle them all well and don't fuck up anymore than I have been. Don't know what to do right now, really; in life and in the current moment at my computer.

Sometimes I wish I was Chinese and could hold in every single one of my emotions. Sometimes I wish I was Italian and could ex foliate all my feelings. Not politically correct, but emotions just have a hold on me tonight, dunno why.

One step at a time, one day at a time. Don't look too far ahead or the road will appear too daunting. Life is no tougher then the next step.

And we'll all float on alright
Already we'll all float on
Alright don't worry even if things end up a bit to heavy
we'll all float on alright
Already we'll all float on
Alright already we'll all float on
Ok don't worry we'll all float on
Even if things get heavy we'll all float on
Alright already we'll all float on
Don't you worry we'll all float on
All float on

Think about what Bruce said. Pick long term goals and short term goals that get you there. Don't take anything too seriously, you have plenty of time and opportunities you can't even conceive of are going to appear. Feel free to change your mind.

Fresh, hit me up with an IM or PM if you ever have a problem since I've been through a lot and have gotten past a point in my life where I was very very close to be suicidal. I know times can seem very hopeless but as Ibram posted, you will float on.

Bruce is right, you can't accomplish everything at once and you will find out that once you solve one big problem, others will fall into place or become easier to solve.

This may not solve your immediate problems but here are two tips that helped me a lot:

1. Give your life meaning and work to improve yourself. This can be taken at face value or not, doesn't matter. Just try to find something, the hardest part, that you like doing and work to perfect it and work to become a well-rounded person. This will boost your confidence and other situations will become much more tangible. Try to improve yourself both mentally and physically, both are very healthy for you and will help you tremendously and give you a feeling of accomplishment when you do see improvements.

2. Do not think you deserve anything (use common sense with that) but still work to get what you want. This type of thinking will get your nowhere and this was my big problem. If you tell yourself you deserve something and you don't get it, you will feel cheated and worthless. If you do get it, you will just be content. If you don't feel like you deserve something but will work for it (if you have control over that situation) you will be ready to bounce back from failure and you will be appreciative if you get it. If you wait for something, most likely it won't happen, you have to go get it yourself.

Wow! That is very profound - especially for someone your age.

Keep in mind also that everyone else has these same self-doubt bouts. They aren't a constant (for me, anyway). They come and go, and you learn to deal with them.

Fresh, PW makes some key points here. Keep putting one foot in front of the other. As things become more over whelming focus down on the immediate taks that need to be accomplished. It is easy to be overwhelmed by the long term prospects and future, of which you have very little control. Hang in there.