International Terror Alerts - a new perspective
 

INTERNATIONAL TERROR THREATS IN 2011

The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist threats
and have therefore raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved."
Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even
"A Bit Cross."

The English have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea
supplies nearly ran out.

Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to "A Bloody Nuisance."
The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was in
1588, when threatened by the Spanish Armada.

The Scots have raised their threat level from "Pissed Off" to "Let's get the
Bastards." They don't have any other levels. This is the reason they have
been used on the front line of the British army for the last 300 years.

The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror
alert level from "Run" to "Hide." The only two higher levels in France are
"Collaborate" and "Surrender." The rise was precipitated by a recent fire
that destroyed France 's white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the
country's military capability.

Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout Loudly and Excitedly" to
"Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat
Operations" and "Change Sides."

The Germans have increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to
"Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two higher
levels: "Invade a Neighbor" and "Lose."

Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual; the only threat
they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.

The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy.
These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy
can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.

Australia, meanwhile, has raised its security level from "No worries" to
"She'll be alright, Mate." Two more escalation levels remain: "Crikey! I
think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend!" and "The barbie is
canceled." So far no situation has ever warranted use of the
final escalation level.

John Cleese - British writer, actor and tall person

:lol:

That reminds me of this.

I am laughing so hard right now.

I couldn't stop laughing after I read it I just had to share. :D

Oh well, don't remember seeing it before.

From HLJ's link:

:lol:

John Cleese wouldn't have written the French section that way, with several hundred years of sniping at our neighbours we have much better ammunition than that.
(i find the whole French = military cowards meme rather tiresome .:p:)

Other than that, spot on.

The former Soviet Union has upped its status from "Let's have a revolution and to hell with everyone else" to "Come on, just try to take Stalingrad in the winter. We double dog dare you." They have never used their final level which is "Hah! We're letting a sociopathic African dictator steal our out-dated nuclear arms."

China as usual, is on its highest alert - "Attention Wal-Mart Shoppers!" China's lower level - "Everyone take out your Little Red Book NOW!" has not been used since the end of Mao's regime. :eek:

Russia is the latest to face terror attacks.. I am sure the experts there would be thinking of increasing security from future attacks. Russia's strategy??? Let's wait to hear from them. ::)