Happy Valentine's Day
 

A big Happy Valentine's Day wish to all of the beautiful women who dwell here. I wish I had the money to buy ya'll a dozen roses, but alas I'm just a poor country boy. If ya'll ever make it down this way, I'd love to treat you to a special date. Picture a night of all you can eat mountain oysters, fresh turnip greens, and hush puppies washed down with good ole home brew!! Later I'd take you somewhere very special: We could go down to the old sewage lagoon and go frog gigging!! After a night of gigging, we'd kick back on the bank to watch the rising sun illuminate some of the beautiful swirls in the sewage. The sun illuminates the floating condoms that look like scores of jellyfish dancing.

Yep, I know I'm a true romantic

Sometimes...the company is the most important thing :D

if that doesn't get mary lou all giddy with lustfulness i don;t know what will sarge!! :thumb:

Wow, sound so tempting... :lol: I hope you had a great Valentine's Day, Sarge. :D

sarge you're a regular smoove b

get smooved

I'm a day late, but that's because I couldn't be bothered to get out of bed. Didn't wash my undercarriage either so you might want to think twice about muff-diving later.

If you fancy going out we can walk down the Dairy Maid. It's really poshed up now it's a Hungry Horse Pub. Let's see, we can get two meals for £8.49. Of course I usually eat both myself, but fingers crossed you stand outside with all the other smokers and I'll get enough of yours anyway.

The tables aren't cleaned between diners, but I find a sticky surface gives good grip for arm wrestling anyway. That's what I like to do to decide rounds if there isn't any football on the telly. Not what you call football of course. But if we're lucky it'll be a massive clash of the titans and action packed 0-1 like Chelsea against Liverpool last weekend. We won't be able to do much talking then. But I'm sure we can work out some sign language for "My glass is empty! Pint of Stella!"

I might treat you to a packet of pork scratchings to keep your strength up as we walk back. If my parents are out when we get home we can sit and watch a box set of one of my favourite TV series. I'll say all the punchlines before the characters do and stop it to explain why certain bits were really funny, or plot points I think you might have missed.

If my parents are in we'll just have to go and join Diz in my single bed. Don't mind the smell, it's probably just his litter tray. You won't crumple my clothes because I've slept in them twice already. Stops the toast crumbs from sticking to my hoo-ha.

Now don't say I never do nothing for you.

SG - that sounds like fun! Down here, we munch on cracklin's and pork rinds all the time. Arm wrestling - our local champ is a gal that works up at 911 as a dispatcher. She's more of a man than most of us. LOL. Toast crumbs on a hoo-ha (girls around here say noonie) seems like a good way to eat breakfast while taking care of other business!

Sarge, seems like we're th only romantics left on this board. I might even have to forgive you your politics if we're being thrown together like this.

I would assume a noonie was a lunchtime quickie. But if you propose dining at the Y as a breakfast quickie you have me licked.

LOL!!