Finding a good lover?
 

Is it hard? :eyebrow:

one would hope so

Is that a hard and fast rule?
Are we discussing the ins and outs here?

"In my opinion, the best thing you can do is to find a person who loves you for exactly who you are. Good mood, bad mood, ugly, pretty, handsome, what have you, the right person will still think that the sun shines out your ass. That's the kind of person that's worth sticking with."

--Mac MacGruff, Juno

(If they're really awesome in bed, too, it's a bonus!)

I think that's a recipe for being lonely for a long time.

46 years by my calculation, and worth every minute.

Still, I hope you find that perfect person. :)

Awww shucks, ain't no one perfect. But, perfect for ME, or perfect for any individual, is the person who thinks the sun shines out your ass, whether you're... (see above quote.)

:)

Now, in my dotage, I want a man who thinks the sun shines out my ass instead of the other way 'round.

I used to go around worshipping my lovers. NO MORE! I want them to worship ME. :queen: :)

Don't you believe in mutual ass sunshine? I do. ;)

some sun may shine out of his ass - that would be a bonus. I just want supplicants now. I'm too old to argue my points of view - just do what I say, anticipate my needs and rub my feet. Plus the worship. I need daily worship.

:D

I'm also wretched when I'm nervous. ;)

Sadly, I want the best of both worlds, arse-sunshine on both sides. Or - even more unlikely - a best friend I can love (in a non-Platonic way)

I've tried the alternatives. I married a man who thought the sun rose and set in my eyes and I broke his heart. I deserved to feel guilty when I left him, but he got to move on and I still dream about him in self-flagellation mode.

I then entered a turbulant relationship (the evil ex) where I adored him because I couldn't have him completely and lay down and submitted any time I was asked. My body responded to him in extraordinary ways - and I'm not talking orgasms (although there were a normal amount). Sending and receiving texts and emails sent my body into classic fight or flight modes - dropped stomach, butterflies, increased pulse, flushed skin. Our fights became physical. We shouted and screamed and made up and did it again. I lost 10lb in two weeks when he spent it with his ex.

Ridiculous. Love isn't a dictatorship. Or an extreme sport.
I'd like to love and be loved. I'm a better candidate for that than I ever was in the past. But I know - completely without self-pity - that it is highly unlikely I will have a fulfilling relationship again.

Sean: You're not perfect, sport, and let me save you the suspense: this girl you've met, she's not perfect either. But the question is whether or not you're perfect for each other.

I knew that for myself when I was 42, having moved to a place where all the available men were available for A Reason ... and I was comfortable with it.

If anyone of you is finding a good lover then, before one should be a good person......