Drinking + internet
 

I feel like the worst outcome of my life. I have wasted it. I have done nothing and even my accomplishments are mediocre at best. And if I work and do every thing I can I will only be ok. '

I am going through almost the exact same thought process myself tora. All i can say is keep going. Dont give in to the dark thoughts.

And put down the bottle.

I'll let you into a little secret, which is that when you boil it right down this makes you no different to the other 6bn people living on this planet right now and all the billions of people who have ever lived.
the only differences are in respect for our environment and how we chose to treat other people.
relax and enjoy your life, whatever it is.

I guess you have to either change the way you're looking at your life or add something you find important. Molasar has the other 6 billion figured out. When it comes down to it our impact on them is less than minimal. The best things for me that I've done required some dedication, so what can you commit to for you? Temporary set-backs are to be expected.

Is this because you were led to believe that you were somehow special? Was your expectation that you would go far and accomplish much? I mean, who's standard are you trying to live up to here?

Of course you have the potential to do great things. We all do. But unless you have some inner fire that drives you onward, some goal you must achieve, you'd be faking it. Who should you be trying to please?

What, in this moment, is lacking?

Find some lower class friends. You'll feel better about yourself.

I wish I was great. But as long as we try, I think that's great enough. That may be all we can do.

It may be great of us just to get along with others and not stink up the place too much.

Alcohol is a central nervous system depressant, and so boozing can make you believe you suck even when you don't.

Tora - I feel that I made all of my accomplishments in the past and now I'm just a shell of the man I used to be. To be truthful, I miss only two things. I don't give a damn about press coverage, medals, power, and younger women. What I miss terribly is working with small children and the adrenalin rush of developing a target, pushing it through ops or ODA, and then going on the mission to collect items of intelligence value. Or in the civilian world building a case, executing a search warrant, and busting a meth lab. Let alone years ago working undercover and buying crack

So to sum it up, is it better to worry about reaching your goals and potential or to face the fact that everything is over for you and nothing will ever come close to what you loved?

YOU MAUDLIN BASTARDS.

get out of your past
get out of your future
you cannot be happy in either place.

it is impossible.

truly sage words

I was going to say "I'll drink to that" but that's where it started so I decided against it.

mind you booze doesn't make me maudlin, I get really happy and cheerful even though I get sluggish and clumsy.
it depresses my physical reactions, sure, but not my mood or mental state.

booze queits the mind, but it makes you revert to a more animal state. so instead of transcending your problems, or better yet, realizing that there ARE no problems.... you're merely postponing them. It's fine occasionally...and fun except for the hang overs... but don't make a habit of it.

Wow. Talk about a thread that I need to stay totally the fuck out of. This is it.

I mean, except for that post. Well...and this post.