Oh, Jim. I've just found this thread and my heart is breaking for you and your family.
From you latest posts, I can tell that you're working hard to process and accept what is, and I'm glad for that. Just remember that we all grieve in our own way - there is no right or wrong - and sometimes what helps you today won't work tomorrow. Do what you must for yourself, minute by minute. Lean on others if/when you need to, or push them away if that feels better.
