[God]

Sorry I'm a bit late here. Just finishsed off a veal steak sub. Jesus Christ those folks at Lisa's little Philli subshop make some great food!

So anyway....I come back to the office after a full day of listening to the constant stream of whinning and crying....and looking over some really deserving people to help with a small miracle or two......and what do I find?

My inbox is jammed with emails. You truly are not equipped to comprehend the capacity of this mail account either, it's fucking enormous. Nothing but irrational/spiteful e-mails. Not the normal emails either. Sure, I'm used to getting hatemail from the DNC....and the ACLU, but this is different. Apparently there are lot of people reading your post Perth, and that is causing me more than a little discomfort here. I cut and pasted just a few of the headings from the emails.
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To:God-almighty@Heaven.mainoffice.com From:Buddha@Dharma.4u.com

What the fuck!? Jesus couldn't even pass the LSAT and you're rewriting the commandments instructing people to follow his "teachings"??? ROTFLMAO
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To:God-almighty@Heaven.mainoffice.com From:GWB@WH.Bunker.govv

What the fuck!? Are you sending Jesus back or what? Rumsfeld requests he become a Marine this time if he's coming back. Please advise.

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To:God-almighty@Heaven.mainoffice.com From:Allah@Die4me.now.comm

What the fuck!? We aren't going to have another problem here, are we? Just you and me......far side of Pluto....we can solve this without the little people.

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To:God-almighty@Heaven.mainoffice.com From:Noah@Party.ark.comm

What the fuck!? Are you going to do the rain thing again? Thought you said I wouldnt be needed for another cruise again. (confused )

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To:God-almighty@Heaven.mainoffice.com From:Hashem@yorpocket2mine.comm

What the fuck!? You aren't authorized to rewrite the commandments. Don't make me sue you again. Yes, and don't forget you still owe me $10.

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To:God-almighty@Heaven.mainoffice.com From:PRobertson@rWing.nut.comm

What the fuck!? We're ready when you are for the second coming but, Jesus Christ, we've been waiting a long time here. What's the holdup!? (frustrated)


So, as you can see, the whole issue of rewriting the commandments re-ignites hope and fervor that I'm not prepared to deal with right now. I wish you would PM me with things like this.

On the upside, your got some great lines there. When I was working with Moses, your society was completely different. Yes, you all have the same general characteristics, but you've come a long way technologically.

It has always been my goal to bring humanity to "another level". You have to start in first gear from a dead stop and that's pretty much where you where at that time.

There's a lot of updating I need to do down there. It's complicated. Hang with me, I'm working on making the world a better place.

Op. Jesus just popped his head into my office. He's got the pre-realease version of Doom 3 for X box.

He wants me to tell you all that "it fucking rocks, man!"

I'll be back to chat later. I have to get back with GWB before he does something really stupid. He's a bit panicked about now.


Praise me, pass the ammo

God

(edit: spelling hey, even I fuck up sometimes)