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Originally Posted by Kitsune
James, no biting ever! 5 minutes on your bottom.
Curious -- why not "5 times [spanking] on your bottom"? I've noticed a really disturbing trend, lately, in which children get away with pretty much anything they want to in public and are simply, repeatedly told, "Sweetie, don't do that. Honey, that's not nice. Pumpkin, please don't do that, it hurts people's feelings," all while the behavior continues.
The physical intervention never happens, so the child continues the misbehavior. I have no children, so I can't offer any words of advice one way or another and maybe I'm only seeing the incidents in public where it is so annoying that I wish someone would finally take a hand to the brat. But I'm curious: does the absence of physical punishment make the child's behavior better or worse? Do children really learn to correct their behavior simply by being told? I've seen cases where the parents continue to use "baby speak" or "sweet talk" when attempting to discipline their children and I cannot ever see that working as a corrective action because the child will never see the parent as an adult or authority figure.
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What I find disturbing are attitudes like "If you don't hit your kid, he's going to be a problem." Child discipline isn't as simple as either spanking or telling the kid. It's more about how you tell the kid, what happens if he continues after being told and his learning WHY the action was wrong. If you spank for everything the kid does wrong, he isn't going to learn WHY he shouldn't hit. He's just going to learn that if he hits, someone bigger is going to hit him. He won't hit anyone (unless Mom and Dad don't see it) but this is not the mindset I choose to encourage with my son. Make no mistake, there is no "baby speak" involved when Jamey is in trouble. Perth uses the vengeful god voice and I use the "Mom, is seriously upset with you right now" voice. And he listens.
When you don't spank consistently, you see problems with the kid's behavior, regardless, just like if I were to threaten time out to Jamey and never follow through, I would be setting a bad precedent. Parents that have the screaming kid through the store that don't seem to be effectively punishing the child, simply don't know what to do. Yes, my kid has misbehaved in public, but I don't sit there and continue to try and calm him down, nor do I whoop him with my hand. I take him aside and get really serious and tell him he had better stop or we are leaving and he won't get to watch Star Wars when we get home/play with his lightsaber/eat his leftover cookie/whatever, he will be sitting on his bottom. If he continues, I follow through. No matter what. I never make threats I am not willing to follow through on. I see parents do this (with spankings, time-outs, etc.) and that is where the discipline fails. Not in its form, but in it's consistency (or lack thereof). Children need some kind of structure in their lives...it makes me think of those parents who think the child can "decide" when he is ready to go to bed, etc. That's just not how it works. A 3 year old doesn't know what he needs. And when he is throwing a fit, spanking him to make him stop, purely for the benefit of the parent or nearby customers is not wise, IMHO. It teaches the child to obey authority no matter what the reasons are behind disapproval. I don't know about you guys, but I want my kid to have the ability to think for himself when he becomes an adult. Even if he does get smarter than Mom (which I am sure he will).
As for the people that are irritated with my child's misbehavior and find it in their place to judge my methods of discipline, they just have to deal. In my experience, it is usually those who don't have these experience who are quickest to make the judgement, because people who have children have either been through it or are going through it. No matter what method you use, childrearing isn't easy. But it is easy for someone to say "you oughtta whoop that kid's butt" if you have never had the experience of punishing your own child.
BTW, I am not saying that a spanking is absolutely wrong in all cases. Based on my situation and my kid, it just isn't the most effective for us, and certainly isn't worth it for either Jamey or me.