And yes, Jen, you are correct. It's Jenny.
For those completely ignorant of Jenny Owen Youngs (everyone else here except my sister), I'll share a little. Jen will probably learn something here too.
Jenny was the first person I ever loved. We met online just about six years ago. We kicked it off as friends pretty quickly, but it moved into a "relationship". A "you're four hours away from me" relationship. A "I'm a stupid 15 year old boy" relationship. It ended after several months, mostly because I was stupid and she was obsessed with someone she knew in real life. I couldn't compete.
Then, a few months later, I got with Erinn. And things were looking good. Then Jenny tells me "I still love you." It kinda started eating me up inside.
I did a lot of stupid things after that. I hurt her in a lot of ways. She hurt me. I'm to blame for most of them. We fell apart, then reconciled, then fell apart... she had a fit when she found out that yes, I was sleeping with the person I was in a relationship with. By fit, I mean I got an expletive-filled email and she didn't talk to me for months. I was... sorta pissed, sorta regretful. I still loved her. But I was with Erinn, and I wasn't going to change that. Jenny's the one that gave me the boot in the first place. I wasn't going to do the same to Erinn for her.
Erinn and I fell apart after about 9 months. Jenny and I sorta talked. We never really kept up good communication. In and out. By now, two years has passed since we've met. She's doing other things. I'm obsessed with Andrea but I still have a very deep longing for Jenny. I still love her.
In September of '98, she asks me if I'll make the copies of her CD. I've always known she was a talented musician, but this is where I really get to feel it. I listen to her CD. Over. And over. And over.
I hate to acknowledge it, but some of the best songs on the album are about, pretty basically, a stupid boy. A stupid 15 year old boy. A stupid 15 year old boy that threw everything I had with her away. I don't <b>know</b> that they're about me. I don't want to know. I am not proud. It is the only thing I <b>regret</b> to this day. She has forgiven me. I have not.
We met in February of 1999. It was somewhat awkward for me. On a number of occasions, she tried to hug me. I backed away. I kept my arms down. She was obviously saddened. I didn't know what to do. I didn't know how to react.
On her last day there, as she was getting into her car to drive back to New Jersey... we just stared at each other. I stood there on my lawn, a stupid 17 year old boy. She left her car door open, walked around to me, and we shared the most meaningful embrace I've ever known. It must have lasted a full two minutes. Her head on my shoulder, mine on hers, our arms around each other... she hugged me so hard then. I'll never forget how it felt. After those few minutes, we kind of loosened up and broke it. She walked back to her car... we looked at each other... and she came back around and hugged me even harder. At that instant, it was the best moment of my life. Three years and a month later, I can't come up with anything to beat it.
I still love her. I always will. She'll always love me. She's the one that I will never get over.
The lines above are from one of her songs. I wish I could say that it's not about me. I wish I could say that. I'll never ask. I don't want to know.
You can download the song <a href="http://www.metastudios.com/dave/Jenny_Owen_Youngs-The_Hardest_Thing.mp3">here</a>.
If you're interested in more... I'm going to be hosting her site in the not-too-distant future and it'll have MP3's and linkage to ordering information.
Enjoy.