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Mrs. Dallas passed this on from list for orchestra conductors. Some of them are pretty good.
> Squeaking and squawking
>
> All eyes roll to the heavens
>
> The clarinet speaks
>
> =====================
>
> One beat to change from
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> Harmon to cup to bucket
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> Hey, who wrote this s**t?
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> =====================
>
> The jam session starts
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> Somebody calls "Giant Steps"
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> Cold fear grips my brain
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> =====================
>
> Here's the girl singer
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> Stepping to the microphone
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> Pitch, Time, all gone now
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> =====================
>
> Gig is going well
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> Some one requests "In the Mood"
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> I look at my watch
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> =====================
>
> Gorgeous chick tells me
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> "You sound just like Kenny G"
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> My ego shatters
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> =====================
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> Three-eight, eleven-eight
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> Damn you Andrew Lloyd Webber
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> Five-eight, seven-eight
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> =====================
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> The woodwind doubler
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> Practicing the piccolo
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> Frustration defined
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> =====================
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> Pit orchestra gig
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> Days and nights become as one
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> I have no damn life
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> =====================
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> Bad intonation
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> Strings are sharp and reeds are flat
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> Brass too loud again
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> =====================
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> An oxymoron:
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> "He plays the accordion
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> With delicacy"
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> =====================
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> Bassoons forever
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> Try in vain not to sound like
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> A farting bedpost
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> =====================
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> The strings slowly tune
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> When they're done the unison
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>
>
>
> Are anything but
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> =====================
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> "I can't find my note"
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> Bemoans the confused singer
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> "Quit now", we all pray
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> =====================
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> ==================
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> Money's everything
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> Playing any gig that comes
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> Whores, we are all whores
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> That plate of hors d'oeuvres
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> Cost more than we're getting paid
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> Think we underbid?
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> =====================
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> God bless trust fund gigs
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> Only have to eat ramen
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> For a few more weeks
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> =====================
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