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Stacey, I suspect you grew up in an environment where you weren't allowed to be a "self." Possibly, you had an overly critical or demanding parent who was difficult to please.
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That's true. No matter what I did, my mother was never happy. I got good grades in school and spent most of my time reading books when I was young. I know my mother has some kind of mental illness, whether it's depression or something else, I don't know, but she is the most miserable person I know. She used to complain constantly, like it was her job. Nothing made her happy, life sucked, she hated women, she didn't want the neighbors bothering her, she didn't want ME bothering her...I KNOW she didn't wan't me and she always told me I was a pain in the ass ( she got knocked up at the drive- in movie at age 17). She never wanted to be bothered with me. getting me ready for school was the ultimate torture for her. I was only 6 years old and I knew that I should pretend to be sleeping so at least it wouldn't be directed on me...But I had my grandmother and my aunt who took me on weekends and sometimes after school, they were very good to me. At one point, my grandmother was going to try getting full custody of me because my mother neglected me and didn't lead a healthy lifestyle (partying, dating a lot of different men...) but for some reason, that didn't fall through...I do realize now, though, that it's not my fault that my mother is unhappy, and I feel bad for my little sister who is 9 years younger than me, because she is suffering from anxiety problems just like I did at her age. She gets heart palpitations and she has a hard time holding down a job...I'm not sure if it's a genetic thing or a result of being raised in a negative environment, but I really feel for her.
Ofcourse, there were some benefits, like I am great at working independently and I like to find answers for myself, probably because I was afraid to ask for help when I was little!