[mrnoodle]

hmm. it's difficult to put into words, gonna have to think on it. i'm afraid you'll be disappointed if you're expecting dramatic physical manifestations, though.
Awe? conviction? happiness? rightness? I've only experienced the kind of thing you're talking about twice - usually God is kind of in the background, reminding and gently prodding, not flying around in the sky with robes billowing and lightning flashing from his beard, which is what most non-believers are looking for as proof.

the sort of experience you're talking about - one of those life-changing moments where all doubt is removed and you know (or hallucinate, if you prefer) that God exists and that he's not only alive but actually in your life - is rare. I experienced it when I first asked Christ into my heart (a Sunday Schoolism that means nothing more than accepting that God is the creator, Jesus is his son, that your sin separates you from God and that you believe Jesus' sacrifice on the cross paid for your sin, and you want to start living for God instead of against him - pretty simple actually). It happened again last year and is a very intensely personal moment for me.

I won't give you much backstory, since the post is already too long, but I had been struggling with sins of various kinds for a couple of years. My refusal to let them go had cost me a lot spiritually, to the point that I felt like God wasn't even listening. This is an alien concept to anyone who isn't down with the whole Christian thing, but bear with me.

I felt like I was just below the surface of the water, looking up and wanting to break free, but feeling like that last kick that would put me above water was just too hard to make. I doubted my salvation, doubted if there was even such a thing. I went to church, talked a good talk, and thought that everything was cool. I didn't see my own arrogance, and didn't realize the reason God hid himself from me was because I really didn't want to know him - I just needed him to get me out of tight spots emotionally and spiritually.

God said 'Ha', to paraphrase Julia Sweeney.

A particular event in my life finally broke me (it wasn't big in itself, but was a trigger) I finally broke, and for the first time in 6 years admitted that I was on the wrong path, and asked God if he was there to reveal himself. Well, he did. I don't remember any physical sensation or sounds (I had a Christian band playing on the stereo, since I needed to learn the song for church band - yah, I was a hypocrite). What I do remember is being overcome with the presence of God. I went to my knees, face on the floor, and cried and prayed for like an hour. No voices, no harps, just being absolutely humbled to the point that taking my face off the carpet would've been presumptuous.

I wish I could describe it better, but there aren't words for some things. I've been high, I've been drunk, I've hallucinated when I had a fever. I've had adrenaline rushes, endorphin floods, and everything else - pursued them as a matter of course, in fact. This was none of those things. It was an external presence that completely filled the room and me, inside and out. Were my temporal lobes stimulated? You betcha. And my heart, and everything about me.

Thinking back on it makes me ashamed of how I've lived since. Thank God he forgives you even when you're not exactly being a team player.