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Originally Posted by Brett's Honey
[I wasn't very clear in my post - it is my ex-husband (my son's father) who is the alcoholic. My son and I are trying to give him all the support we can. He knows he likes life better sober, but he cannot seem to stay that way.
I'm glad you mentioned this. I have to Remember to NOT do this for my son, if he should ever start drinking like his Dad does. I watched my Mother enable my younger brother, so I should know what NOT to do!
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My suggestion to you is attending AL-Anon meetings, if you haven't already. This program is designed for family members and others that care for an alcoholic. It is a 12 step program such as A.A., but the philosophy of the program, is to learn how to take care of yourself. Most alcoholics hate it when family members do this. One of the main teachings, for lack of a better word, is to learn to quit enabling. I would be dead today if certain people had not said enough is enough. Al-Anon is to help the enabler get back control of their life. An alcoholic out of control, is like a tornado plowing through a trailer park. That is one of the reasons it"s considered an illness. Most alcoholics are some of the nicest people in the world when their not drinking. Do you really think they want do destroy the lives of their loveones? I don't think so. I hope your son want ever drink alcohol because the chances of him having problems will be a distinct possibility. As I have Qouted in other post, a child with a parent that is alcoholic is more likely to become addicted themselves. In another post, I described how many children of alcoholics learn to hate alcohol only to become addicted to other drugs. Please learn to take care of youself!!!! I don't know the relationship you and your ex-husband have, but if your picking him up from half-way houses, there must at least be a strong emotional bind. I hate to say this continually, but a real alcoholic, will continue to drink until the negatives outweigh the positives. Sadly,sometimes, even all the negatives are not enough. The reason I started this thread, is because most people believe an alcoholic is a bad person trying to get good. He/she is a sick person trying to get well, If they are indeed trying to help themselves.....
I'm not trying to discourage you. There have been many sucess stories. Some through A.A.. some through church, and some whose alcoholism had not progressed to the chronic state on their own. However, the latter, either eventually went back to drinking or were very miserable people. No one jump on me, there is always exceptions to the rule. I'm just giving you my 32 year experience and what I have learned through education......and on both sides of the fence. I hope this somehow helped....... I need to make one other point. I said that the people that quit on their own usally returned to drinking.
However, I have seen People go to A.A. for twenty years religiously, to only relapse and die...... This is a topic many don't understand or just don't care because it does not directly effect their life. I feel sure there is hope for you ex.... I don't mean to pry, but if things continue as they are, I would put my concentration on myself and my son.......