Quote:
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Originally Posted by Cyclefrance
From the box last night: I walked past a loaf of bread and thought I saw your name on it - but when I went back it said 'thick cut'.
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Translation from the English:
Box = TV (that thing in the corner of the room that you watch most nights and that shows you continuous adverts which are spoiled by the interruptions of programmes and sport )
Last night = yesterday evening (the longish bit that happens when the sun goes down at the end of each day - it's normally very dark)
walked = moved step by step using feet (the two flat sticking-out things at the bottom of the legs)
past = the past of pass (meaning to overtake - not some gulch where the indians wait in ambush)
loaf of bread = the economy size version of the stuff that you use to make sandwiches (the outside part that stops the inside part falling out and making you messy), toast, and bread and butter pudding (an English dessert delicacy)
your name = (hopefully) what your parents used to call you by to distinguish you from your brother/sister (or if an only child something better than 'oi you')
went back= (in this context) returned to have another look
thick cut = a particular size of one slice of bread in a wrapped loaf (see above) that has been cut laterally into a number of individual handy-sized portions - the 'thick cut' is the widest type of slice (ideal for toasting), the other variants being 'thin sliced' (the narrowest, when you don't want to eat much) and 'medium sliced' (the middle size/width and the most comonly used for making sandwiches)
The joke comes from the fact that the person relating the story has mistaken the words 'thick cut' when he/she first sees them on passing by and written on a loaf of bread as reading thick 'see you next Tuesday' (a pleasant way of saying a very rude word I would rather not write as children may be present - by the way if you didn't know that 'see you next Tuesday' meant that extremely naughty four-letter word, then someone has probably been ribbing you for years - and you thought they'd gotten their days mixed up! Well, silly you!!).
On returning to review what he/she thought he/she had seen the story teller realises his/her mistake and that the words were in fact 'thick cut' the type of loaf it was, and not the name (very naught word) that he/she has heard you are called (oh, bollocks, all right then, the word's 'cunt').
So in this last context
Thick= unintelligent, not quick on the uptake, a biscuit short of a packet,
Cu*t = a part of the female anatomy used both in conception and birth, which reminds me:
Girl goes to doctors complaining of stomach pains and sickness.
'I 'm pleased to tell you that you're pregnant' he says after examining her.
'Oh, I wasn't prepared for that - how exactly will I have the baby?'
'Well. my dear it will be much the same way as you conceived it'
'What, you mean in the back of the station wagon with my legs hanging out of the windows?'
There, I bet you're in hysterics now!