I tried to reply to you earlier, Sundae Girl and my lengthy response got vanished off into the ether at the furtherest edges of the Internet somewhere. Alas!
Lets see if this second attempt will work.
Please correct me if I am wrong, but what I got from your post is that you have a problem with alcohol which is making other personal difficulties even more difficult to effectively address.
You want to lose weight, but alcohol only guarantees that you will, at best, stay at the same weight as you are now, maybe even become heavier. You would like to get your debts paid down, but alcohol guarantees that your credit cards will remain maxed out until the end of time. You'd like to meet a new guy, but alcohol guarantees that you will be so filled with self loathing that you just go into hiding from the world.
Your problem is alcohol. Period.
It is very, very difficult to stop drinking on your own. A few people do manage to pull this off, but most just keep on drinking. I admire the hell out of Brianna that she can tell alcohol that she and not it is the one in control. Most folks are simply unable to do this. I can't.
In another thread I wrote that I know that I could easily become the person who single handedly supports a small Californian winery if I don't put the brakes on. When I found myself skating on thin ice over a lake of good Kentucky bourbon in the past, I went down to the local AA group. I completely stopped drinking for 5 years. I now drink in moderation, but I have an internal govenor which will send me straight back to AA and complete abstinence if I sense myself heading for a repeat trip down the same old road.
AA is everywhere. I'm sure there's at least one group in the area where you live. It won't hurt a thing to go check that group out. AA is strictly anonymous and no one there is going to stand in judgement of you for having the same difficulty as they do. This might seem like a drastic step to you, but from what you describe, alcohol is impacting your life in a very negative way and you are having a very difficult time refraining from drinking on your own. It may be very worth your while to look into finding a support group.
The other thing I got from your post is a sense of profound depression. You may be drinking to self medicate you depression. Ask your doctor about an anti-depreesent. It may take trying several before you and your doctor hit on the one that works for you and your brain chemistry. That's the other thing that has made a profound difference for me. I found a wonderful doctor whom I call my "brain chemist." He worked with me until we found a medicine that actually got me jump started out of the depression that I have suffered from all my life. I consider my anti-depressent meds to be no more shameful than what insulin is for a diabetic. Some of us just suffered from brain chemistry that causes us to be depressed. Its not a character flaw - its a physiological one.
Please keep us posted as to how you are doing. I'm sending positive thoughts across the pond for you!
