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i interpret her escalating bad behavior over the last month and a half as a way of trying to push me away. looking for my buttons. trying to get me to throw in the towel. in her entire life she has never had anyone who genuinely loved her without condition and without limit. not even her parents.
i believe that she does have a chemical imbalance or something of the sort, but i am no expert. i know that she has some extremely deep emotional problems flaring up. i do not know if we will make it through this, but i do know that if i do what she expects and what she is expressing that she wants - for me to give up and agree to a divorce, then i will have proven that i am just like all the people she so desperately has fought to impress and win love from her whole life.
if we have a chance at making it through this, i have to show her that i find REAL value in her. not for what she does for me, or the things she has achieved, but for who she is. if i walk away she has no incentive, catalyst, "oppressor" to get her to deal with the real issues. she needs professional help. i cannot force her into proper health, but i can love her unconditionally and encourage her.
if it all fails and she refuses to get help, what have i lost? nothing. sure, a few days/weeks/months. but what have i really lost? the same thing i will have lost if i walk away right now - the woman that i love. i know that reading through this thread she sounds like a miserable POS that i should be glad to be rid of - but that isn't all there is to her.
if i walk away now, i will have lost something else that i value. a piece of me. the part of me that has always promised to love her, care for her, and help her without condition.
she may forsake her promises and walk away. if she does, sooner or later her demons will rise again and she will have to deal with the consequences. i will not break my promises to her, or myself.
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and Bri, i understand what you were saying and didn't take it the wrong way. thanks for your support.
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