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there is a lesson in here somewhere...
never say "i have everything i have ever wanted"
don't give yourself away so completely that someone else has the power to destroy you.
trust may need a new definition.
oh, there are a bunch more, but they are all BS.
a closed off untrusting life isn't worth living. the truth is that love is real. there are people worthy of trust and love. love is still a verb, not a feeling. unfortunately, the person that i have given everything i am, have, and think to over the last 7 years has decided that it is both and because she doesn't have the feeling, the action isn't worth taking.
i am really fighting bitterness and anger this morning. the good news is that they haven't completely consumed me - because i have this overwhelming wall of sorrow, regret, and just plain old sadness rolling over me like waves.
i can barely look at my son without bursting out in tears. how do i tell him that his universe just ended? he is 4. he is old enough to know what life looks like. he is used to it. he is not old enough to understand that sometimes mommies and daddies become selfish and self-destructive. all he is going to understand is that life as he knows it and loves it just ended. how do you make that a non-devastating effect on a 4 year old. old enough to know what is supposed to be, but not old enough to know that sometimes it just doesn't go that way.
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