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Originally Posted by xoxoxoBruce
Welcome to the Cellar, chimmichunga. 
I’m curious, why did you marry him? Pregnant? Bored? Escaping a bad environment? Everyone else was getting married? You were in love, then? You thought you were in love, then? None of the above?
I’m not alone in wondering what brings a woman/wife/mother to this point.
All too often I hear, “Well, he picks his teeth”, only to find out later when they were engaged she thought him picking his teeth was cute/macho/whatever.
I’m also curious how this situation affects you outside the home. You said careers, plural, so I assume you work outside the home. Does this make you more receptive to flirting at work? Have you had an affair? Have you thought about having an affair? Do you live near me? Kidding, just kidding. But I do wonder how this affects your “public deportment”? |
About me huh. My parents seperated when I was 3, my dad visited every weekend and him and my mom slept in the same bed until he died when I was 13. They never leagaly divorced, and neither one ever got a steady bf or gf and never remarried. Our therapist finds this strange also. I am a pleaser, I love to please and I love to know that I am pleasing someone. Thereby making me a flirtatious person, I am however a very shy girl around new people. I have only loved 2 people in this world(besides family), including Mr. Chimmi.
How do you get to that point. I am at my best when I'm alone. I am emotional but in 10 yrs(6 married) my husband has seen me "emotionally open" maybe 3 times(his words). I have had no drug use(serious drug use) or never been in an abusive relationship. Mr. Chimms would say I am emotionally unavailable. My philosphy on men, I love you and would really like you to stay but I don't need you. Men enrich my life they don't make my life. My husbands is the opposite in his words, I am his world. My husband bends to my will and whim with barely a fight or an effort. I don't know if you can understand how horrible this is to me. Its like having a relationship with myself. I am a child with no boundries. I could talk him into most anything, and he would give it to me to please me. He gives me things to keep me when he was never in danger of me leaving. Now we wonder can that change? Was he always like this, with me yes for the most part, no one else though. I want him to have the comfort in our marriage that I have, and I want the love he feels for me to be what I feel for him. He is a great husband and father, I am not what he deserves, and he is a glutton for pain, so it falls on me to make it quick or prolong it.
My outside life, hmm. We do things, go places, things like that, we don't just sit around and do nothing. Our therapist says to get out and do things so we are trying. Does this trouble make me more receptive to outside influence, I would be lying if i said no. I am not an idiot who can be easily persuaded by shiny things, so it won't be a he said I have a firm apple heiney, so fuck it lets make it, kinda thing. Have I had an affair, no, but its not for lack of trying, no i'm fucking with you, or am I? No I haven't but it makes it easier for me to justify it, and to feel a lot less guilt over it. I also made a promise, that I would stay faithful to him until the day I stop being his wife. Believe me its hard men smell a wounded relationship like cougars smell sick animals, and it always seems like the reasons not to continue on, are the only reasons you see and are given. Like you have to work to find and see the good stuff.
He isn't the main source of trouble I have played my part, I have given in when I should have stood firm. I should have been more open, instead I hardened my heart and went into survival mode. I should have helped him through his fears, his feelings of inadequacies(sp?) instead I ridculed them and debased them.