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I have been guilty of using the words "sociopath," "narcissist," and "psychopath" interchangably at times, so I should clarify these terms. "Sociopath" is not a term in vogue among psychiatrists - they use the diagnosis of "anti-social personality disorder" or "psychopath" to describe those at the extreme end of the spectrum. Narcissism is considered a milder form of psychopathy, as it were.
However, it can be very difficult for the person with no experience or training to tell the difference between an N and a P. Sometimes a person will think that they have a "mere" N on their hands, only to have them turn into a raging P!
Also, psychopaths are quite cunning in the beginning and often will act in ways to inspire a susceptible person's pity for them. The poor thing! She is so confused and can never make up her mind! She may confide this sadly to each of her admirers in private. No doubt, tears willl well up in her eyes as she describes how difficult this has made her existance. She seems so forlorn! She really IS trying and can't understand why so many distressing things have occurred in her life! Some men at once want to put on their suit of shining armor, fighting this woman's dragons for her; not realizing that in fact, SHE is the dragon. And of course, women who meet the "lost little boy" psychopath may feel their maternal instincts aroused and rush to his rescue. So violence in the physical sense may not always be a factor, at least at the start.
I'll go back to Sally Single at the coffee shop to illustrate how an N/P manages to slip into a person's life. Now stuff like flirting mildly or striking up a conversation is generally the kind of thing any single man or woman would do when they meet an interesting person of the opposite sex.
Sally may go up the N/P after his performance at the open mike and politely compliment him on his playing. The N/P will suggest that they go to a quieter spot for a drink or more coffee. He suggest a public place known to them both and suggests that she follow him there in her car. Sally feels this is safe enough and agrees.
When they arrive at the new bistro, the N/P asks Sally what she wants. He then tells the waitress to make it two white wines or two chai latte's or whatever. The N/P then smiling asks what a nice looking woman like her is doing unattached. Surely, she has a BF? So Sally tells a little about her most recent break-up and asks the N/P the same question.
Tears well up in the N/P's eyes and he quickly brushes them aside with a show of being a new age sensitive guy and a manly man at the same time. "Well, you see," the N/P will start. Then he launches into a story of great tragedy where he was terribly wronged, but he still cares for his ex - he just couldn't take it anymore, so at last, with deep regret, he was forced to leave. All the while he is telling this fairy tale, the N/P is covertly guaging Sally's response. He elaborates on the things that seem to call forth a sympathetic response from her, quickly glosses over the details that don't.
At some point, Sally realizes they have been talking intently for 3 whole hours, and regretfully tells the N/P she must go since she has plans for the next day. The N'P asks for her number and she gives it to him.
He calls her a day or two later and Sally becomes to object of a courtship such as she has never in her life experienced before. The N/P mirrors her perfectly. He is so forlorn in a way, so romantic in another. All he needs is the love of a good woman and a little gentle guidance.He shares all Sally's same values. He likes her favorite foods better than she does. They share the same taste in music, the same outlook on life. Or so the N/P makes Sally think. The N/P gives every appearance of being madly in love with Sally. She has found her soul mate at last! This by the end of week two. By the end of week 4, the N/P is talking marriage and how adorable their children will look! Whoa! Slow down, Sally! But she can't help but feel flattered at the N/P's determination to sweep her off her feet, the way he spends all his free time with her; the way he knows just the right things to say. Poor Sally is a goner.
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