so can anyone tell me when I'll start feeling human again? i know i'll be broken for quite a while as time works it's magic and all that but seriously.
last night i'm with some friends at a local jazz bar. this chick who is, to be honest, the very picture of "my type" that it was scary. 5'5" petite but shapely, dark skin, dark hair, green eyes, beautiful smile, nice, funny, intelligent... my very definition of perfection. At first she was subtly flirting, then not so subtly, then blatantly throwing herself at me.
my reaction? "who cares?" i couldn't even express interest. every time she walked away my friends are telling me i'm an idiot. after explaining that i just wasn't up to the task (task - since there was no challenge) they had the normal guy responses about who cares about tomorrow, focus on tonight, blahblahblah.
my thought was - this chick is exactly what i would describe to anyone wanting my definition of the perfect fit for me. but i'm not at a place where i can even conceive of having anything approaching a healthy relationship and the thought of using that one for a one night stand... just couldn't do it.
i know i'll kick myself in the ass for not taking her to bed, but that isn't even my real complaint. when the hell am i going to be able to look at another woman and actually be interested?
this is the part that sucks about being "that guy". the entire time i was with my ex i had no desire to be with anyone else. other guys would say "i'd like get a piece of that one." my response was always "i've got exactly what i want at home."
eh, whatever. maybe i should have just drank more so i could have had the horrible experience of waking up with her this morning?
