[Cyclefrance]

For a short time last year we had the kittens from hell - Milly and Molly. They arrived as a result of my younger son wanting a (I repeat 'a') kitten and Mrs CF deciding to become involved. Consequence? She found him two (not the specified 'one', but two) adorable looking girl kittens.

Leaving aside the fact that the Saturday concerned my wife dedicated to picking up the kittens, buying baskets, toys, food and other paraphernalia, and transporting said kittens to my sons apartment in central London, this turned out to be the mistake of the decade.

No sooner had my wife returned home from my son's place after another gruelling 2 hours in the car than my son phoned to say that he hadn't stopped sneezing since their arrival and concluded that he was allergic to them. Could we please come and collect them, as at that moment he had them shut in the bathroom being the most distant location he could find to separate himself from them. Even so, he was still sneezing.

We prepared to undertake the journey again to retrieve the kittens, and the phone went again. My son. His flat-mate, Dan, had let the kittens out and one of them, Milly, had explored the spiral staircase that leads down some 15 feet or so to their cellar kitchen (the flat was a conversion of an old pub). Milly had lost her balance and fallen into the kitchen from the top of the stairway. How was she? Dazed and a bit quiet....

That sets the scene for the life we had with the kittens which we decided to home ourselves (much to the annoyance of Calvin - the cat in the picture earlier and to Oscar, our tollerant dog, whose lives turned to turmoil as the kittens jumped on them, over them, ate their food and generally poked their combined noses into anything the other two tried to do).

We eventually found them a home elsewhere. It's not like us, but we had to. I posted the story below as an example of just one typical day in our lives in their company - think it warrants a second airing in this thread - it was a Tuesday, I think...:

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Phone call from wife at 11.15 am. 'I don't know what to do, something really terrible's happened!' Imagine wife standing next to charred remains of house.
'What????'

'One of the kittens has managed to get on top of the tall kitchen unit for the first time...' (this is terrible news???) '....and fallen down the space at the back - she's stuck behind the oven - I've tried to reach her but I can't get my arm down there it's too narrow. You'll have to come home!!' (This IS terrible news!)

Somewhat relieved that the vision of charred property remains is vanishing rapidly, I unawarely say 'yes, OK'. Then realise I've cycled to work that morning (45 minutes). Don't fancy the prospect of cycling back as temperature has now climbed up to high 80's. Secretary offers to loan me her car (thankfully - and earns big brownie points), so off I go. Twenty minutes later, I'm climbing a step-ladder to assess gap at back of unit - Jesus, it's all of two inches wide.

A pair of yellow eyes greet me, and a miaowing that is certainly saying 'for f***s sake get me out of here!' Go down ladder, and inspect front of oven - no sign of any screws. Gently prise at trim with end of screwdriver accompanied by brief argument with wife who figures I'm about to ruin it for life. Maintain confident smile while still prising, and trim comes away suddenly, so suddenly that confidence almost wanes (could hear wife about to say 'told you so') but then I see there are four screws.

Screws removed. Securing additional trim removed. Can see cooker is raised and resting on two bits of wood (that's pofessional installation for you!) - two yellow eyes now looking under cooker, but they don't look any the happier. Pull at cooker - doesn't move. Notice years of grime around feet (cooker's feet, not mine). Pull again, only much harder and it comes forward all of a sudden, and, guess what, it's really heavy. Manage to grab on to it and just about take the weight. Helpful comment from wife: 'be careful there's wiring attached at the back!' Understanding reply from me, of course (given I'm balancing half a ton of cooker against my chest) and wife goes off in huff - but comes back when realises kitten is now accessible.

Kitten is freed!! Cooker is heavy, correction, heavier! And I've now got to get it back up on to those two bits of wood. First try, zero result. Second try, ditto. Notice arms are beginning to feel weak. Wife notices grimace on face (or was it a look of despair) and also adds an arm to the job in hand, acquiring deep gash in thumb as a result. One last effort and.... no?? ....well..., actually..., YES! Cooker heaved back in place.

Job done I feel: 'Can I leave the rest to you, dear as I need to get back...' 'Can't you spare a minute???' Decide I had better and so set to replacing trim and finding bit of wood to cover gap at back of top of unit. All done (even wife agrees). Check watch. Only taken twenty minutes, feels like an hour, Back to work then. Interesting things, pets....

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It was like a cloud had lifted when they left, and I'm sure the temperature rose significantly - you know, as it normally does when something from the dark side departs. They have a nice home (well it was nice when we dropped them off - new owners are/were friends of my older son) - we left just as Milly discovered the top of their kitchen cabinets....

Photo of the demonic pair below:


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