[Tonchi]

I can't believe that all this was going on during the week that I was not able to spend any amount of time checking out The Cellar. It's taken me two days to write this offline, because of venous complications in my legs I haven't been able to sit in a chair for more than 5 minutes at a time without excruciating pain. But even though some sort of resolution seems to have been reached, I believe I should also have a chance to defend my evil twin Marichiko. Sorry if this cuts into the after-party, but I have a few things to say.

First I have to say that UT is the best administrator I have ever seen, he has the patience of a saint and the skill of a cat herder. I totally identify with him because I am administrator on another international website, I might have mentioned that before in passing, and we monitor 24/7. I have the graveyard shift, after Mazatlan goes down and until Greece gets online. We have to ban people too, fortunately not very often, and the reason is almost always because they declare war on the moderators for not letting them have free rein. I've been called things, in two languages, that have greatly expanded my X-rated vocabulary. I've been threatened with death or hacking or worse, I've been slandered on every other forum the malefactor can find, and I have learned to ignore it as a matter of course. But I can do that because it is Tonchi who has control of the button, I can make them go away forever with one keystroke and there is no appeal except to me. But UT is dealing with a different mindset, a supposedly more mature group. He also has his finger on the button but the whole premise of this forum is supposed to be that the people who belong here can take care of policing themselves. It's UT's forum, and he is the boss and final authority, but he has rarely had to exercise that privilege.

If people are not banned from UT's forum for posting drunk, stoned, ignorant, stupid, biased, antagonistic, or just plain mean, why can't someone also post angry? I'll admit I almost had a heart attack when I saw her post, it was totally over the top, but then what did you guys really expect would happen? Several of you poked and slashed and kicked at her and she finally lost it. She's sitting there trying to pack what material things that remain of her life and get out of her house and on the road by a deadline, and so you start a post which has no other reason except to criticize HER. How many other Cellar Dwellers have ever had a post started by the Administrator with the sole intention of jumping on one of the forum members? I'm kinda new, so tell me - Is this a first?

Then, how many of you could handle the possibility that every single time you wrote something there would be somebody who would attack you on a personal level? "Hello, everybody, let me tell you what happened to me today." "Shut up, you lying welfare whore, we aren't interested in hearing anymore of your trash." Beyond the truthfulness or exaggeration of what Marichiko has said here, which is a different issue, I am talking about the foaming-at-the-mouth hostility with which LJ has essentially stalked her. I don't need to qualify that statement, more than a few of you have already posted all the examples necessary. Some of you think this is "justified", I see? May I ask why Marichiko Must Die but UG, TW, Radar, and other assorted lunatic fringe cases who have flown through here do not elicit the same response? No urgent necessity of getting rid of politically abhorrent members, let’s get The Broad, she makes up things? That’s ... The Cellar? I mean, I have only a basic idea what the details are and I have not read all the posts in the years this has been going on and it would probably take a while to piece all the versions together, but geez, people! Who fucking cares???? Is this really lynch-mob material?

Every individual’s life is the entire world to them. We all deal with being in that life the best we can, and sometimes we don’t do such a good job of it. Everybody copes as best they can and everybody’s understanding of what is happening to them does not necessarily match what somebody on the outside may see. People also handle crises differently. Marichiko’s way is to try to talk through it, to try to outrun it, to try to understand it. She probably talks too much, she gives too many personal details, she has written term-paper investigations of what has happened to her. That is the way SHE deals with it. Mari and I have so many parallel events in our history that it's scary, but I deal with these things differently - I don't tell ANYBODY, I work it though by only contacting the people involved, I do not need a support group, I am secure in the love of several people who I am in communication with although they are not physically with me. Mari doesn't have any of that, and from what I have read on this forum in the last year, she is far from the only one.

Let me give you some information. I, also, am on SS Disability. I receive $1,350 per month, with Medicare hospitalization deducted from that. I had to wait 2 years from the verified date of my disability to get that payment, there was one year after the actual event when I did not file for any benefits or support because I was trying to take care of it myself. Just like Mari. But during that time between April 2002 and June 2005, I had to spend nearly $100,000 of my own money, for the sole purpose of staying alive long enough to qualify for Medicare. I paid for Major Risk medical coverage which cost $845.00 per month. There was less than $3,000 per year income. I was not allowed to work by my doctor, because I could not put any stress on my heart or lungs. What I have is called Pulmonary Hypertension; it was caused by a 15-year history of massive pulmonary embolisms due to a congenital blood condition I have called Protein C Deficiency. Until very recently, it was always fatal. The worst characteristic of this condition is that you do not get enough oxygen to your brain, which causes fatigue, slow responses, forgetfulness, confusion, and poor physical coordination. Just like Mari. I had no choice but to go on full disability because there was no way that by myself I could pay for the operation which would save my life, and besides, I was let go from three jobs in one year because I was not able to effectively handle the work when my body could not process enough oxygen. Just like Mari. I hardly ever went outside my house for 3 years, because the air in Fresno is so deadly that it causes asthma which made my breathing even more difficult. I lived under unbearable stress, just like Mari, not knowing if I would be able to qualify for or receive help in time, because the diagnoses, operation, and treatments which I needed cost almost $200,000.00, and even then there was no 100% guarantee that the hypertension would go away after all the material in my pulmonary arteries was removed. I am alive today because of Social Security Disability, and the inheritance which allowed me to stay alive long enough to qualify for it. Oh, and the first check I got from them was $25,000, just like Mari. They back-pay one full year of your benefits.

None of you knew anything about this, did you? Because I never told you. Because I didn't NEED to tell you. All of this came to a peak last summer, July 15 to be exact. Tonchi could have died on that operating table during a 12-hour-long procedure and never come back to the Cellar at all and very few of you would have thought about it much. And that was fine with me, because that is the way I run MY life. I would rather give sympathy, advice, support, or help to others than ask them to do it for me. But that does not mean that how I do things is better or worse than anybody else, that is just ME. Other people are not me, they don't think like I do, they don't have the same needs as me. So if other people choose to solve their problems in a different way, why should it make me at odds with them? The only thing which gets me upset is when people do NOTHING about their problems. You certainly could never say that Mari does nothing about her problems!

So like I said first, if The Cellar lets you post drunk, stoned, ignorant, stupid, biased, antagonistic, or just plain mean, can't people also just get ANGRY? Some of you worked really hard to make her angry. She should have just mumbled a fuck you and turned of the computer and packed it but unfortunately she didn't. Because she's who she is, she wanted all of us to be with her right up to the launch for the next really big stage of her life, and she got this instead. She's genuinely sorry for her outburst now and admits it was inappropriate. She should not have said the things that she said, and she knows it. But one thing I am positive of is Mari does not have a mean bone in her body. That is more than I can say about certain others here at The Cellar. The Cellar - we've got a bone to pick with you and it better not be a mean one. Let's drop it, can we please? UT was definitely owed an apology and he got it. Major contrition from the offender. Lessons learned and boundaries decided? We'll see.