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I want my ex-colleague to contract some kind of disease that makes her put on weight regardless of what she eats. Then she won't be able to torture her new colleagues who are on diets by saying, "Oh I've never been on a diet, I just stop eating when I'm no longer hungry". Yes, because you are 4'9" and have a stomach the size of a pickled walnut!
Oh and I'd quite like her daughter to catch crabs.
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