[Elspode]

I'm not judging you. I've spent some time dealing with The System, and from several different angles, including from within. Okay, so you work. Mea Culpa. In six months, you just walk in and say "I'm ready to take my kid now", and walk away with him, right? If so, party on. But I doubt it. Once the System has your kid, they like to be sure that they aren't just handing him back out to a different kind of problem, otherwise he wouldn't have ended up in the System in the first place. You can therefore expect your life to be rather thoroughly scrutinized - past, present and potential.

Six months isn't a very long time. If I needed my kid more than anything else in my life, I would make everything I did a prelude to that happy eventuality.

I had to lead my entire life for my disabled son for about a decade, and even now, most of what I do and plan for includes him as a primary consideration, despite the fact that he's 25. In short, I know how the Grownup game is played, and if I didn't care, I wouldn't be sharing. However, I'll bow out as I don't have much to say that isn't difficult, hard and honest. You aren't going to find an emotional situation to a practical problem. I sympathize with how bad you feel. Want to stop feeling bad? Then do the hard work first.