[Stormieweather]

I've been a single mother (unwed), a married, employed mom and am now a stay at home (also work from home) mom. My oldest two children attended daycare while I worked to support the family. My little one stays at home with me all day/night.

I think there are pros and cons to any arrangement. Both older children were initially placed in daycare homes but they proved to be disasters. The in-home daycare providers either had unsafe conditions, ignored my instructions, parked the kids in front of the tv all day or left the children in a fifthy state. I eventually found adequate (more than) daycare schools for both of the older ones.

My oldest (son) blossomed in preschool. His vocabulary tripled in mere months, his social skills began to develop and his motor skills improved. He was writing the alphabet by age 3 1/2. The structure and wide variety of activities stimulated his intellect and was the best thing I could have done for him. He graduated high school 2 years early.

My middle child (daughter) was the daycare darling. Several of the teachers treated her like their own child and came to her birthday parties, babysat her on occasion and had portraits made with her. She made friends in that daycare that she has attended school with up to this very day. I've been careful to live within the proper school district so she won't lose that continuity.

For several of the years these two were in daycare, I worked two jobs, one full time and a second one a couple of evenings a week, part time. It was that or get public aid, and I'm too independant to let someone else support me. Does that mean I shouldn't have had children? That I don't deserve my children? Or that my children grew up unloved or ignored? I don't THINK so. I took the responsibility for them and did what was necessary to take care of them.

I don't think sticking a child in the nearest or cheapest or most expensive facility works either. I had my daughter in one expensive daycare that was very exclusive, had the newest and best of everything, had tons of beautiful, lacy teddy bears on display and many of the local court and police employees put their children there (judges included). Problem was, they treated the kids as objects to be arranged and rearranged, and no one was allowed to touch all the pretty 'things'. Oh, and they had a head lice problem. After much research and many interviews, I removed my daughter and put her in a different one. Their equipment was old and battered, but clean. The staff knew and treated each child as special and unique. They were open and generous and loving. It was far better for my child.

I now stay at home with my 17mo old, but I also work from home as an independant contractor. My 4th grader is now home with me after school as well. My partner works 6 days a week, 11 hours a day so that I can do this. We pinch pennies until they squeak and manage to get by. The problem is, I never get a break. We have no extended family within 100 miles so there is no one to take the kids off my hands for a couple of hours so I can relax and recharge my batteries. It would be wonderful to be able to go out for a latte once a month. Hiring a babysitter takes money we don't have to spare, so I don't see it happening. We've analysed the financial benefits of my going back to full time work and the net gain is simply not worth it. So I continue to drive my 1992 Buick, live in a rented house and play online games as my form of escapism. At least, until I lose my contract, when the decision will be out of my hands.

So, I say...don't judge another until you have walked a day in their shoes. Do what is right for you and your family and don't assume to know what is best for anyone else.

Stormie